13 Flames | gxg

40 - not enough

Lexa

I collapse onto the couch of Alex's dressing room, my feet in his lap. He pushes them off and I curl sideways, bending my legs so they fit on the cushions. Brayden and Peyton sit at the table a few feet away. John and Joseph are somewhere around set, and Palmer's at home.

She called Matt this morning, said she needed a day to herself. I don't blame her.

Last night, we ate dinner together. Nothing special, just pizza and soda. But it was almost as if nothing happened. Almost as if we were simply best friends, not co-stars caught up in a strained engagement and complicated relationship. The whole time, she looked like she wanted to tell me something. But she never got around to it.

When I got home, James was less than happy with the late hour. I told him it was his fault, seeing as I had to get dinner without him. He slept on the couch last night.

I almost didn't come in today, debating staying home and fixing things with James. But he needed to leave early, said he had a business call in Oregon and would be gone all day.

"Lexa," Brayden calls across the room. "How's it going?"

I raise an eyebrow. "Fine..."

"I meant with Palmer."

Oh. Of course he did. I haven't spoken much to him since discovering him and Palmer have been fuck buddies for the past two months.

"I'd appreciate it if you two stopped fucking on the side," I say passive-aggressively, "but we're good, otherwise."

Peyton and Alex both sit up straight, glancing between the two of us. They clearly didn't know either.

"You?" Alex exclaims to Brayden. "And Drake? Damn."

Peyton kicks Brayden under the table. "Palmer's off limits."

Brayden rolls his eyes. "Hey. She approached me. I was doing her a favor."

I sit up, leaning against the arm of the couch. Palmer explained everything to me last night. I'm still not fond of the idea of her and Brayden, though. "It didn't mean anything, right?" I ask.

Brayden sighs. "Of course not. She just wanted a distraction."

"From what?"

Brayden shares a glance with the others. "From you."

I cross my arms over my chest. "There's nothing going on there," I tell them. "We're just friends." I know the words are a lie even as they leave my mouth.

"Lexa," Alex calls softly. I meet his dark eyes. "Palmer may never get around to telling you how she feels. But trust me, there is something going on there."

His words smash into me like a tidal wave. Is that what she was trying to tell me last night? That she has feelings for me?

"I... I don't know what to do," I admit.

"Do you have feelings for her?" Peyton asks.

I hesitate before answering. There's definitely feelings. I'm not sure what they are. But I do know that I love her hands on my body, her lips on mine. I love how she wears a million rings on her fingers, I love her half smile and the one dimple in her cheek. How she knows exactly what to say to make me feel better. How she checks in on me, cares for me. Everything about her is so... right. I can't imagine losing her.

"I..." I'm scared of the words leaving my mouth. "I do." I pick my eyes up off the floor. "I do," I say louder.

Peyton smiles. Brayden nods happily and Alex places a hand on my leg, squeezing gently. I look at each of their content faces. They've all known.

"Go, Lexa. We'll tell Matt you left for the day," Peyton assures me. I stand and smile at each of them. I stop at my dressing room for my bag and leave the set in a rush. There's a million things I need to say to Palmer, but not until I speak with James. I call his cell but he doesn't answer. Probably working. I head home anyways, deciding to change and collect my thoughts before heading to Palmer's.

When I get to the apartment I share with James I move to unlock the door only to find it already open. Strange. He left after me this morning for Oregon, but he should've locked the door. I push inside and close the door behind me. I drop my bag on the kitchen counter and head to the bedroom. The door is closed. Again, strange. We never close the door unless someone's inside...

I glance over my shoulder and realize his work computer sits on the kitchen island. Maybe the deal fell through? He didn't go? I turn back to the door in front of me, suddenly anxious. I reach for the knob and slowly push open the door.

My heart shatters in my chest as I absorb the sight before me. The pieces clatter to the floor at my feet, cutting through my flesh and dripping red blood onto the carpet.

James lies naked in our bed. Beneath another woman.

They both look my way as the door opens. James pushes her off of him when he sees me. "Lexa!" he shouts in shock and horror. "I can explain."

Anger rises in my throat as burning tears swell behind my eyes. "Business trips?" I spit.

"Lexa, please–"

"Fuck you, James," I interrupt. He falls out of bed, scrambling towards me. I slam the door in his face. I rush through the hall and run out of the apartment, tears streaming down my cheeks. I take the stairs and reach the street in seconds. I start down the sidewalk back towards the set, struggling to keep my tears under control.

He cheated on me. He's been cheating on me. Minuscule details finally click into place; an extra business trip when he's been home for two days, strange marks on his neck and chest, a pair of underwear I don't remember buying. I've laid beside him for weeks as he fucks women in the sheets of our bed.

The tears don't stop, now turned hot with rage. I run my hands through my hair, my teeth grinding together. He's lied to me for weeks. As we planned our wedding. If he was unhappy, why didn't he just end things?

Why was I not enough for him?

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a/n
hiii i'm back!! sorry for the long break, but i've got the next few chapters all written and i'll be posting pretty much everyday this week. feel free to leave votes/comments to let me know what you think of the story!!
:)