13 Flames | gxg

43 - lonely

Lexa

I watch Palmer leave with a smirk on my face. I purposely started undressing in front of her, curious to see what she would do. Once she leaves I take a step towards the door, almost calling her back. Asking her to join me.

I shake my head in frustration. Even if I asked, she wouldn't. She says it's not the right time. I understand she doesn't want to take advantage of me emotionally, but that's not what's going on. I know exactly what I want.

But part of me still clings to James. And I know I'll only hurt Palmer more if we rush into anything. But that doesn't mean I won't enjoy my time with her.

Breaking from my thoughts, I continue to undress after turning on the water. I grab the towel Palmer pointed out and drop it on the floor, in easy reach of the shower. I also take the soap from under the sink. Once the water warms I step inside with a washcloth in my hand. The water washes over me, cleansing my tear-stained skin. I soak the washcloth and scrub down my body.

I rub harshly, trying to purge my skin of anything left of James. I hate that the thought of him brings more tears to my eyes. I can't shake the feeling that this is my fault. That I'm not good enough. Not for him, not for Palmer, not for anyone.

I struggle to contain my tears as I wash my hair. I turn my back to the shower head and drag my fingers through the long strands. I bite my lip to keep from crying too loud, not wanting Palmer to hear me.

Once I'm done I stand beneath the spray, trying desperately to wash it all away. I'm worried. About tomorrow. About leaving him. I told Palmer so confidently it's what I want. And it is. But I'm not sure I can do it. I've been with James for three years. How can I let it all fall apart?

Except it already has. He took every good moment, every held hand, every 'I love you', and tore it to shreds. He left me in every way that matters. My shoulders shake and my tears come faster as the realization settles. He left me.

I'm alone.

Palmer

I relax slightly after hearing the shower turn on. I'm worried about her being alone, but I understand she needs space. I head into the kitchen and open the freezer. I take a small towel and wrap some ice for my knuckles. I wince as I apply the cold pack, the skin raw and the bruise sensitive.

I head to the couch and flop backwards. I take out my phone and find over thirty texts from the cast. All asking if Lexa's okay. I work through the list, responding to everyone individually. Lastly, I enter our group chat and promise everyone I'll give updates.

My foot rests on the coffee table and I reposition to tuck it underneath me. As I do, my leg brushes the mouse pad of the open laptop. The screen lights up, showing what Lexa was working on. I lean forward to close it, not wanting to pry, but stop as my eyes flicker across a sentence.

Amalia crept in the shadows, her mother's dagger clutched tightly in her hand. Moisture settled on her pale skin as the aroma of petrichor rose from the damp earth. Her shoulders tensed, wincing at the sound of her friend crying out in pain. Peering around the corner, she gasped at the horrid sight before her.

The writing ends there. I inch forward, intrigued. My fingers touch the mousepad. I shouldn't look without Lexa's permission. But I'm genuinely interested in the story. Giving in, I scroll to the top of the 68 page document and start at Chapter 1.

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My reading is interrupted at the sound of the shower stopping. I pick my head up and look towards her room but know she won't be out yet. I've worked through half the document.