13 Flames | gxg

46 - let me love you

Lexa

I watch Palmer leave, my heart heavy in my chest. My stomach twists in knots as I wait for James to arrive. His ring sits in my pocket, waiting to be returned. I don't move, I don't sit. This isn't my home anymore. I stand in the middle of the apartment, waiting.

He shows up ten minutes later. When he enters the apartment he freezes in the doorway. Every muscle in my body tenses at the sight of him. He snaps out of his hesitation and closes the door, setting his briefcase on the counter. He walks closer and stops about ten feet away.

"Hey."

"Hi James." I keep my voice quiet and cold, forcing the emotions away.

"I'm sorry."

The words fall flat at my feet. "That's not good enough."

"I know. But it's true." He comes closer to me. "I promise, I'll never hurt you again."

I nearly scoff at his words. "You're right. You won't." I pull the ring from my pocket and walk forward, leaving it on the kitchen island. "You won't get the chance to."

I move to step past him but he grabs my wrist. "Please, Lexa. I love you."

I force back tears and spin to face him. "And I love you. But not in the way we used to." I take a shaky breath. "I'm sorry, James. But if I stay, it'll only hurt us more in the end."

His mouth hangs open as he stares at me. He drops my wrist and I step away, putting a few feet between us.

"Goodbye, James."

He doesn't try to stop me as I leave.

---

The tears have arrived by the time I get back to Palmer's apartment. I close the door quietly so as not to draw attention but she sits at the kitchen island, waiting for me. Just like she said she would be.

Neither of us say anything. She starts towards me and I meet her halfway, falling into her arms. We sway back and forth, my quiet sobs the only sound. One of her hands cups the back of my head while the other rubs my back.

My heart aches. But at the same time, I feel a freedom I've missed for the past three years.

I manage to compose myself after a few minutes. Palmer cups my face in her hands, wiping away the tears. "I'm so proud of you, Lexa."

Her words surprise me and manage to put a small smile on my face. I hold her wrists in my hands. "I couldn't have done this without you," I whisper.

She gives me a half smile. I glance at her mouth and find myself unable to look away. I take a step closer to her and my hands reach for her hips. She tilts her head and her lips stop a breath away from mine.

"We shouldn't, Lex," she breathes. Her words do nothing to stop my body shifting closer to hers.

There's nothing stopping us. I'm not in a relationship anymore. All I want is to taste her.

But she won't let me.

Palmer turns her head just before my lips reach hers. She looks down and pulls away, leaving my hands empty.

"Palmer?"

She avoids my gaze. "There's leftovers in the fridge for lunch. I'm going to take a shower, I'll be right back." I stare in disbelief as she walks away.

---

Palmer comes back ten minutes later looking somewhat refreshed, wearing shorts and a tank top that shows off the lean muscle of her arms. She takes the bowl of pasta I set out for her and pops it in the microwave. She joins me at the island a moment later and digs in.

I tap my fingers against the counter. "Palmer?"

"Mmm?" she mumbles through a mouthful of food.

"We need to talk about that."

She visibly swallows and sighs. "I know."

"Why won't you let me kiss you?" My voice is low in volume but my tone is urgent. Intimate. Confused.

Palmer sits back in her chair and twirls her fork in her hand. Finally, she puts it down and looks at me. "Lex. I think you know how I feel about you."

I give a slight smile. "No way, you're great at hiding it."

She chuckles softly but her smile falters. "I don't want to rush into anything. Because when I move too fast I tend to screw things up." She turns her body towards me. "And I really don't want to screw this up."

"So you want to wait?"

"I don't know, Lex. But I want to do this the right way." She takes a deep breath. "I'll be here, always. I'll help you in any way I can. I'll stay close. And maybe one day..."

You'll let me love you.

My own thoughts cause my body to tense. Palmer notices and her brow furrows. "Are you okay?" she whispers.

I don't need to force a smile. "I'm okay, Palmer. And I understand."

She returns the grin gratefully. "Thank you." She pauses. "And, uh, as far as the kissing goes–"

"I should stop," I sigh. "I know. But you have to too."

She nods. "Deal. But that doesn't mean we won't be doing it for the cameras," she adds with a twinkle in her eye.

I laugh. "Maybe we should run lines more often," I joke. Palmer laughs with me before clearing my dishes and putting them in the sink.

"I'll go unpack in the guest room," I tell her as I stand.

"Sure, I'll be there in a minute." I head for the bedroom door but stop when I hear Palmer's voice.

"Lex?" she calls. "It's not the guest room anymore. It's yours."

I offer a wide smile and she happily returns it. I turn away before she notices my foolish grin. I step into the bedroom, my bedroom, and fall back onto the mattress.

A beautiful sensation swirls in my chest. Goosebumps trail down my arms out of pure excitement. I'm flying.