13 Flames | gxg

42 - what i want

Lexa

I watch Palmer leave the apartment. Just before she closes the door, she shoots me a wink. I smile in return.

As soon as she's gone my smile falls. My heart aches in my chest and I lean back on the couch. The tv continues to play but I hardly hear it. I'm heartbroken. I never thought James was capable of something like this. Of hurting me like this. Our relationship has flaws, we've had our ups and downs, but at the end of the day we always made up. We always remembered that we love each other.

Except he doesn't anymore. Not in the same way.

And maybe I don't either. I came home early because I wanted to tell him the truth. I wanted to tell him I couldn't marry him.

I worried about hurting him. I scoff to myself. Clearly, I shouldn't have worried at all.

I examine the engagement ring sitting on my finger. All it represents now is a lie. I rip it off and throw it across the coffee table. It clatters across the wood before spinning to a stop. I stare at it.

When James proposed, he promised to stand by me. To be loyal. To love me. Lies.

I almost go after Palmer. I want her to hurt him. I have no doubt she could do it. I've seen her with a punching bag, fists slamming into the side. It's mesmerizing. But deep down I know this won't make things better. It won't piece me back together.

I sigh and direct my gaze back to the tv. I don't want to think about James. I don't want to think about the ache in my chest telling me I still love him. Because I wish I didn't.

I wish I could forget the past three years with him. But I can't.

So I indulge in the show, completely unaware of my surroundings. And I think about Palmer. About how much I miss her already, how much I want her to come back to me and wrap me in her embrace. I think about how she makes me feel, like a firework display exploding in my heart. Or like a feather tickling at my lips when she kisses me. Like love.

She makes me feel like no one ever has. Not even James.

And I want her back, I want her right here, her hands in my hair and my lips on hers.

I undeniably, whole-heartedly, want her.

Palmer

I stand across the street from James and Lexa's apartment. I texted him about ten minutes ago, telling him that Lexa wanted to see him. I've met him a few times before. Suffice to say, if he knew I'm alone he wouldn't show.

I see him coming out the main entrance to the apartment. I hurry across the street and rush towards him. He sees me just as I grab his wrist and pull him behind me. I duck into an alley a few feet away. He wears a hateful expression.

My lips form a scowl as I glare at him. In a burst of anger, I step forward and use my right forearm to slam him against the brick wall.

"The fuck?!" he shouts. I shove him harder, hissing at him to shut up.

"Listen to me carefully," I say, my tone low and icy. "Tomorrow, you will go to work. Lexa will move out while you are away. When you come home, she'll end things." He opens his mouth to object but I continue. "You will listen. And you will accept it. You will not manipulate her. You will not try to get her back. Do you understand?"

James gives me a panicked nod. I lean forward and he flinches. "You disgust me," I hiss. I give him one final shove and back off.

"You want her all to yourself, don't you?" he spits.