13 Flames | gxg

10 - feelings

Palmer

I enter my hotel room and freeze as soon as I close the door. What just happened?

I can't even begin to make sense of the thoughts circling my head. I walk further into the room, sliding off my boots and laying down on the couch. I pull out my phone to facetime Chloe. It's 2 AM in Boston. She picks up right away.

"Palmer, finally! How was the first night?" She must see the distant look behind my smile because she frowns.

"What's wrong? Are they all horrible people?"

I shake my head and laugh. "No, Chloe. They're awesome. I'm super excited for this."

"Then why the hell do you look like you can't think straight?"

"Because I can't," I tell her honestly. I'm always honest with Chloe. "Remember Lexa?"

"The hot and engaged one?"

I give a slight smile as my eyes drop from the screen. "Yeah. Her."

"What, do you not like her or something? Is she homophobic? Cause I will fly all the way to Vegas and kick her ass-"

I laugh, interrupting her. "No, she's fine. She's really nice, actually. And smart. And funny-"

"Holy shit. Holy shit! You did not fuck her!" Chloe screams.

My eyes widen and I stare at her, horrified. "No! No, of course not! She's getting fucking married!"

"Then what's the problem?"

I sigh. "She's getting married. To some overprotective, controlling guy." Lexa didn't realize, but her phone was buzzing like crazy all night. It must've been James. "She's amazing, Chloe. And when he's in the room, she's like a different person."

We sit quietly as Chloe processes my words. "You like her." She's not asking.

"What? I just met her, Chlo. We're barely friends." It's true. I hardly know her. But she... I can't explain it. She's so easy.

Chloe raises an eyebrow.

"She's engaged. And my co-star. It's not like anything can happen between us. Ever." I know what I say is true, but some tiny part of me hates it.

"Tell me about tonight, what did you guys do?" she asks, changing the subject.

My smile returns. "We had dinner at this fancy Italian place, and then went to a casino. There was this girl I may or may not have fucked in the bathroom-"

"Shouldn't you have been with the cast?" Chloe interrupts, a playful smile on her lips.

I shrug. "Probably. But I wasn't gone that long. And then when I got back there was this drunk guy hitting on Lexa at the bar, so I-"

"Jumped in and saved the day," Chloe finishes for me.

I roll my eyes but smile. "Stop interrupting, I'm trying to tell you."

She laughs. "Please, continue," she exaggerates.

"So yeah, I got Lexa out of there and then I wandered the building a little bit and found this empty balcony that looked out over the strip. You know how you can't see the stars in Boston? It's even worse here." I pause, remembering Lexa's green eyes on me as I gazed up at the dark sky.

"And then Lexa showed up, and I told her, about the stars, and she took me to this planetarium. The place was empty and we just kind of laid there, I guess. But it was beautiful."

My eyes unfocus, staring off into space past the phone. It was probably just the rush of the night, some sense of euphoria that focused on Lexa. It'll pass. I'm sure.

Chloe hasn't said anything in a few moments and I refocus on the picture of her. She's watching me, and I can practically hear her thoughts.

"You can't, Palmer. You know that, right? It won't end well, for anyone." Her voice softens, her tone serious. Chloe's never serious; I know she means what she's saying.

"I know I can't. I'm just... confused. Confused and tired. I should go to bed, I have a full day tomorrow."

Chloe nods. "Get some sleep. Night, Palmer, love you."

"Love you too," I reply. I always tell my best friends I love them before hanging up. Sometimes I feel like people don't say it enough, like those three little words could ruin everything.

I drag myself to my feet and head to the bathroom. I take a quick shower, letting the warm water wash the stress away. When I step out I pull on shorts and a bra, washing my face and brushing my teeth. I watch in the mirror as I comb my hair. The water darkened the lighter brown waves, now straight and falling into my face. I look tired. It's been a long day.

I shut off the lamp on the nightstand and close the curtains to the bedroom windows. I crawl into bed, sinking deep into the pillows. I stare at the ceiling for a few minutes, trying to get my brain to slow down.

I try not to think about her, so I think about the show. We're supposed to start filming next week, after we get back from Vegas. I rented an apartment a few blocks from set, close enough to walk if I want to. I can't wait to start filming. They've already given us the script for the first episode. I play the role of a woman named Emily Michaels. She's one of the firefighters of the thirteenth station of Los Angeles, where the show takes place. I don't know much about the overarching plot, but in the first episode the team deals with a fire at an apartment building in the outskirts of the city. The premiere is an hour long and there's plenty of action. Anxious butterflies swirl in my stomach. As far as I know, all our characters get along, and it won't be too hard to act out. We've become fast friends, and I know we'll have fun together.

My thoughts now on the cast, my mind wanders back to Lexa.

I don't have feelings for her. I just met her. Well, okay, I have feelings. I just don't know what they are yet.

But I do know that no one can make my heart skip the way it does when her green eyes find mine.

No one touches me the way she does, her fingertips trailing stars across my skin.

And the sound of my name dripping from her lips wields the power to make me lose my mind.