The Guide To Moving On

Chapter 6 - Can You Relate?

Steve's POV

The Agent came and sat beside me on the couch, turning to look at me directly. Now was my chance to ask the final questions I have before I hopefully never have to deal with these people again.

"Why are you here?" I asked again. I was so sick of this whole world. The secrets, hounding, fast-paced place I am stuck in. And now I have been brought to this kind of inn with this Agent Romanoff woman. My luck has run out.

"You know why I am here." She said calmly like it was the most obvious thing in the world. She was like no other woman I have met before, there was something about her that made her different, something that I couldn't put my finger on.

"Why won't you all leave me alone!?" I asked, staring at her, looking for a response. It was the very question I had been asking myself for hours.

"It is for the greater good Captain. You could help people like you always have." She said in the same calm manner. It was as if she had done this thousands of times before, or was at least giving the illusion that she had. But all of her answers were making me even more aggravated. So I decided that I would tell her what I think. Make her leave me alone.

"No one understands! No one knows what it is like to lose everything! And you guys just think that I would be ok with it, move on in an instant and join that initiative. Well, I'm not ok with it and I don't want anything to do with you, Fury, or the Avengers!" I said, getting angrier and angrier by the second, something that I am sure was showing greatly.

"You think you are alone. You think that no one knows what it is like to lose everything you knew and loved. Well, I do! And it sucks, but if you don't keep going, you get left in the dust!" She reasoned but I could tell she was getting more fired up too.

"Yeah right. You have no idea! No one does!" I shouted, I was so sick of everyone doing this to me. I am alone in this strange world, that is the way it has to be and that is final.

"I am the only one in history that has frozen in time. Therefore you have no idea what it is like to practically die, and then when you come back all that you ever knew and loved is gone!" I continued, my voice growing louder with every word. By now I was on my feet, death glaring at her.

She was surprisingly calm and stayed seated on the couch whilst I yelled at her. She sent me a glare that made me freeze, ok scrap that, she was not calm and I could tell I had upset her a lot.

I sat back down awkwardly and she addressed me.

"I know that feeling a lot more than you think I do." She said anger seeping into her voice. This time I didn't bother arguing with her as I decided to let her finish before I retaliated.

"I know back in New York they told you that I was Agent Romanoff and that's true, but that's only part of my story. But please be quiet for one minute and let me introduce all of me to you." She demanded, I looked at her confused and waited for her to continue.

"My birth name is Natalia Alianovna Romanova and I am an assassin, as I am sure you know because you read my file. But you would have also noticed that there is a gap in my file, which is because most people don't know or want to know who I am. Anyway, I was trained as a weapon since age 6 and worked for the KGB. You think HYDRA was bad, it had nothing on the KGB. I was part of a program called The Black Widow Program where they turn hundreds of innocent girls into killing machines. I was one of them, designed to take down whoever stood in the KGB's way and you would never see it coming. Entire countries in one night." She said, pausing to take a steadying breath before continuing.

"I made the most kills in assassination history, I am dangerous and I was seen as a global threat. The worst part? They used whatever method necessary to turn you into the weapon they so badly desired. Torture, abuse, brainwashing, manipulation, blackmail, whatever it took. So, knowing that, yes I do know what it is like to die and come back all over again. It's awful." She finished staring sadly at her hands that were folded in her lap.

My eyes widened in shock at this information. I stared at her apologetically, how could I even begin to tell her how sorry I am?

"I- wow, I am so sorry," I said staring at her intently, waiting for some form of reaction. When she looked up at me, I couldn't get a read on her. It was as if she was feeling nothing but everything at the same time. She cleared her throat.

"So, Steve, you are not alone in this. Yet out of the broken pieces of our lives, we can use them to protect the world. Sure we have both seen horrors, but we are here now. Don't you think we owe it to the world, to use the talents we have been given, no matter how we got them, to protect the world? Because in a way we are lucky, not everyone can protect themselves, someone has to be there to do it for them. So what do you say, can you handle it?" She asked me confidently.

Something about her and her words made me want to comply. Like it would be all ok, she would make sure of it. I took a breath and stared at the ground, properly contemplating my choices.

"I suppose all of the people that would have filled my usual schedule are dead anyway, I need something to keep myself occupied. I guess I'll join the Avengers initiative." I said smiling down at her. She smiled brightly back at me, gosh her smile was attractive. No, Steve! What are you thinking?

"Well in that case Captain we have a big day tomorrow, you need some sleep." She said getting up off of the couch. I blushed lightly and looked down at the ground. I had left in a rush and had completely forgotten to bring anything with me. I was not equipped for an overnight stay at all. I think Natasha picked up on this because she turned back around from the doorway and called out to me.

"Don't worry Cap, I brought spares." She said amusedly, throwing some sweatpants, shirt, and toiletries towards me. Gee, I couldn't be more glad for these essentials.

I yawned as I got up off the sofa, my joints pleading for me to flop back onto it. A little sleep does sound good right about now. It has been 70 years since I have pulled an all-nighter.