The Guide To Moving On

Chapter 32 - Remember?

Steve's POV

I walked back to Nat's apartment early the next morning, to see how she was doing. I was still wearing my pajamas, but I figured it was best I checked on her first. Truth is, I was exhausted. It wasn't just from the events of yesterday, but from my wild thoughts. 

After hearing what she said last night, I had been a mess. I kept telling myself that she was out of it, it wasn't her, but there was still a part of me that wondered if there was any truth behind what she was saying. 

Sure, we had gotten really close over the past few weeks, but we were just friends. Right? Urgh, these thoughts kept repeating and swirling around in my head, driving me crazy. 

I pulled myself from my spiralling thoughts as I knocked on her door and she called out saying it was open. I opened the door and walked in, spying her perched on the couch. 

"How are you this morning?" I asked her as I sat beside her on the couch. 

"Well, the medication wore off, but a little better than yesterday. Walking is a little easier." She admitted and I nodded, it was nice to know that she was on the mend. 

"How bad did I get last night on the meds?" She asked, looking down as if preparing for the worst. 

"You weren't that bad. Do you remember much of it?" I asked her, testing to see if she remembered what she said. 

"Not really, I remember coming back here, and having a bath that really stung. But other than that not really." She said and I nodded, trying to hide my disappointment. But I wasn't about to bring up the rest of what she said, it would be far too awkward and she would probably be mortified. Something that she definitely doesn't need on her conscience. 

"Why?" She asked curiously as she staring up at me. 

"Oh, nothing, I just wanted to make sure that you knew how you got here and where you were. Anyway, I have to go and get ready." I said, standing up and turning back to her briefly, "I'm glad you are ok." I said before leaving, disheartened by our conversation. 

She didn't remember it, she can't have been telling the truth. I went to her apartment to check on her, of course, but also to try and put my mind to rest. But upon leaving, I realised that my mind was more of a mess after our chat, than beforehand. 

I slipped on a simple t-shirt, jacket and an old pair of jeans that I haven't worn in ages. I stuffed my hands in my pockets as I finished, when I felt an unfamiliar object there. 

I took it out, it was a crumpled piece of paper I opened it and read it. It had an address on it.... but who's address? That's when it dawned on me, Fury gave it to me if I ever wanted to go and see her. Of course!

I stared at the paper for a few more seconds whilst I made my mind up. I knew that things would be different now, it has been 70 years, but I could really use someone familiar now, especially with the mess that I am in with Nat. 

So I grabbed the keys to my motorbike and left the building, headed towards the address. 

I got there quickly and entered the nursing home, quickly locating her. I knocked on the door and entered the room, a frail woman laying in a bed looking out the window greeted me. 

"Peggy?" I asked cautiously, making sure that I wasn't getting my hopes up for nothing. 

"Steve?" She answered as her gaze shifted over to me. I smiled and sat down on the chair that was next to her bed. 

"It's been so long." She whispered and I nodded, still a little taken aback at how different she was to what I remember. The Peggy I knew wasn't weak and frail, she was strong and beautiful, nothing stood in her way. But yet, here she was in front of me, something from my past that I could hold onto. 

"Well, I couldn't leave my best girl. Not when she owes me a dance." I replied, giving her a small smile. I spied a photo frame sitting on her bed stand. It was a picture of a much younger Peggy with three little children and a man I assumed to be her husband. 

"You should be proud of yourself Peggy." I said, even though a little piece of my heart broke. I know it is 70 years, of course she has moved on. But there was a part of my up until now that I wished that she wasn't. That she was still the Peggy Carter that I knew all of those years ago. 

"Yeah, I have a good life. My only regret is that you didn't get to live yours." She croaked and I pursed my lips together. 

"You have to move on Steve, I can see it in your face. The world has changed, myself included. You have to let yourself live yours, in this century. Move on and find someone truly special to spend it with." She told me and I sighed. 

"So, whose the girl?" She continued and I looked up at her quickly. She may be old, but her wit is still as sharp as ever. Of course she could read me, she has always been able to. 

"Her name is Nat." I told her quietly and she smiled at me.

"Is she nice?" She asked and I nodded, smiling at my memories of her. 

"The nicest. She is strong, just like you. And she is beautiful and smart." I said as I felt my smile grow wider, but it faltered as I thought back to the memories of last night. 

"We can't change the past Steve, but you can change the future. You should take the chance with this girl, I can see how much she means to you." She told me slowly.

"You think so?" I asked her, my feelings and thoughts still a mess. 

"Yes. And I am always sure." She said smiling at me. Her eyes started to close and she yawned. 

"See you around Peggy." I smiled sadly, giving her a light kiss on the forehead. 

"See you around Steve." She repeated as her eyes fully closed. I walked out of the room, closing the door behind me and taking a deep breath. 

I knew things would be different, but that was so much more confronting than what I thought it was going to be. I am glad that she got to live her life, and in a way it was a closure about my feelings for her. 

She still is something special to me, always has been, but I think I can finally move on from her. She is right, she lived her life and it is about time that I live mine. 

I just have to figure out this mess that I got myself into with Nat.