The Guide To Moving On

Chapter 29 - Forgiveness

Nat's POV

I took a deep breath before I walked into the common room behind Steve for breakfast. The past two nights that I have spent with Steve have been amazing, but I can't stay in my happy little bubble with Steve forever. 

I have to face the others, and do what is right. An idea that I have been thinking about all morning as I got ready. As I walked in, everyone stared at me as I made my way over to the kitchen. 

I sat down with the others at the dining table as I finished and cleared my throat, no longer able to bear the silence and stares. I could tell they were scared of me, which wasn't what I intended, but my mind hasn't exactly been in the right place the last few weeks. 

"Look guys, I'm really sorry for how I have acted over the last few days. I know I have been snappy and scared all of you, but I have sorted out a few issues and I am on the mend. But yeah, I am really sorry." I apologised and watched as everyone's faces softened. 

"Oooooh did Capsicle sort out Red's issues." Tony piped up and I glared at him. 

"Don't push it." I warned, turning back to the others. We settled back into a casual conversation as we ate. It was nice, I didn't know how much I missed this over the last week until now. I was interrupted as I was trying to beat Clint in a contest by JARVIS. 

"Agent Romanoff and Captain Rogers to report to Director Fury's office immediately." He informed and I stood up to put my stuff away, as did Steve. 

We headed out of the room in silence, entering the elevator. As the doors closed firmly shut, Steve piped up. 

"Never thought I'd see the day that the Black Widow actually apologised for threatening people. You're getting soft Nat." I rolled my eyes in response. I knew he was only joking but even still it was annoying. 

"Says the biggest softy on the team." I retorted and he smiled along with me. The elevator opened and we got out at Fury's floor. He was usually at SHIELD headquarters, but came over to the office Tony set up in the tower whenever Fury came to have a meeting with us. 

We entered the room and he nodded for us to take a seat. 

"I have an assignment for the both of you. You will be undercover for a few weeks together in Germany, taking down a very old HYDRA base that has reappeared on the radar. The rest of the information is in the files. You leave at midday." He finished and we nodded, getting up and leaving the room. 

No one ever questioned or argued with Fury, we did as we were told and that was the end of it. We are here for a reason, to help make the world a better place, not to opt out of missions whenever we felt like it. 

"We better get packing then. We only have a few hours to pack a few weeks worth of stuff." I said as the elevator reached our floor.

"I guess so. See you soon then Nat." Steve said as he entered his room. I smiled in response and did the same, flicking on the lights as I went. 

I quickly rushed around grabbing all of the essentials, clothes, toiletries, weapons etc. I was finished packing within 15 minutes, a skill that I had perfected in all of my years in the Red Room and then SHIELD. 

I sat on the couch and scrolled through my phone to pass the time. I am actually grateful that this mission came about when it did. Being around Steve the last few days has been amazing, and to spend a few weeks with him will be even better. 

The way I feel around him is nothing like I have ever known before, and I really want to know why. I mean, I haven't even known the guy that long and yet I had already opened up more about my past to him in that short time, as I have to Clint in the past 10 years. 

But a chance like this to get to know him better is something I am looking forward to, to say the least. 

I decided to head to the training room to brush up on my skills before we go, this was a mission after all. The past few days I haven't spent much time down there and my flexibility could use a little work. 

As I walked down to the training room, I came across Clint doing the same thing. 

"Hey you, how are you doing?" He asked as we walked into the training room together. 

"Better, I am truly sorry about trying to stab you the other day." I said, looking down at the ground in shame. He has done so much for me, he didn't deserve that. 

"It's ok, I shouldn't have pranked you when you were upset." He replied and I smirked at him. 

"How does sparring sound?" He asked as he stepped into the ring. I nodded and made my way over to him, preparing myself for a fight. 

.......

We sparred for what seemed like hours, until we both toppled onto the ground beside each other in exhaustion. 

"So how is Steve?" He asked, looking over at me. The very mention of his name was enough to give me butterflies, but I wasn't about to let Clint know that.

"He is good, a great friend." I replied 

"Nat, you and I both know it is more than that." He said and I rolled my eyes. We were partners, friends, nothing more. Right?

"Dream on Barton." 

"Stop lying Romanoff. Look, all I am saying is that you should follow your heart. Don't ignore it like you always do. Imma let you in on a little secret, you are actually human, and part of being a human is being allowed to love." He said and I stood up, rolling my eyes. 

"Whatever you say!" I called, walking out of the room. Truth was, his words had quite an impact on me. The Red Room taught me that love is a weakness, love is only for children. So far, they have been correct. If you love, you are compromised, weak, useless. Something that I can't afford in my field of work. 

The Black Widow doesn't love. But what about Natasha? Steve's words from a few weeks ago echoed in my head. Natasha? She doesn't get what she wants. 

I can't love. Can I?