She belong With Me

-16-

LISA POV

(Morning the next day)

I woke up in the afternoon and felt my eyes sore. Is it because I cried too much last night? Maybe I was just too dramatic.

Jennie: You're awake.

She's watching Netflix while Chaeng is playing with the pets. I saw Jisoo unnie cooking something in the kitchen. I passed on her and went to the refrigerator to get some cold water.

She's still ignoring me.

Chaeng: Good morning!

She greeted me.

I smiled, "Morning."

I opened my phone and went to my inbox. I changed my sim card and saw many messages from different people. It was my old sim card.

Most of the messages were obviously from him. His last message was from September.. And it's already November. He's moved on, I guess.

I don't want to read his messages. Because I don't want to shed a single tear anymore.

I sat down beside Jennie unnie. My eyes were on my phone just scrolling down. I don't think I have a schedule today. Should I go to the gym..

Jennie: Where were you last night?

Lisa: Just somewhere near.

Chaeng: I heard Taehyung walked you home last night.

Lisa: With Jin hyung.

Jennie: You met up them?

Lisa: No. It was a coincidence.

My eyes were still on my phone. I scrolled up and saw a new message from the unknown number threatening me months ago. I'm still curious who this is. I opened it.

Unknown Number:

You really had the guts to come back, huh..

Unknown Number:

You're going to regret coming back here, you bitch.

Me:

Who the hell are you?

"Who's that?" Jennie unnie asked.

I immediately hide my phone from her. They still don't know about that number. I don't have any plans to tell them. I'll just create more drama.

"Stuffs." I shortly told.

Jennie unnie looked at me like she's doubting me or something. I also don't wanna tell her about it. I want this to be solved first.

Jennie unnie switched off the TV and faced me. The room is filled with silence.

Jennie: So...

Chaeng also looked at me.

"What?" I innocently asked.

Jennie: You didn't tell us you attempted to end your life months ago.

I stared at them for not too long and then focused on my phone again. Why did I even think of committing suicide before...

Lisa: But I failed. Let's just forget about it, Unnie..

Jennie: And you have depression. Manager-nim told us that your Anxiety kept on getting worst. Do you even trust us?

Chaeng: She obviously don't..

Lisa: It's not like that--

Jisoo: Then explain it.

I shivered when I heard Jisoo unnie's sudden cold voice. I looked at here, shocked. I didn't expect her to talk me.

Lisa: I was alone that time. So It was normal for me to feel lonely.

Jennie: And you thought suicide is a cure to that loneliness?

Lisa: I'm so stupid, I know but how could you blame me? I... I just got from a breakup. I couldn't contain my emotions. I have no one----

I heard Jisoo unnie's loud deep breath. She went infront of me and set her deadly gaze on mine.

Jisoo: Didn't I tell you just come back here and we'll help you move on? You know you can always count on us but you never trusted us at all!

Jennie: You could've told us about it, Lili...

Chaeng: What if you really died because of that suicide attempt? You're stupid at times. Really.

I lowered my gaze. I blame myself always. It's always my fault. But I'm doing all of these for them, anyway. Or they just don't see the logic behind those sacrifices?

I saved Tae's career and also mine. I didn't tell him about the threats I have received because I didn't want him to worry.

I kept to myself that I attempted to kill myself. I never wanted it to tell anybody, even to my Family because I didn't want them to worry, also. I didn't want my members to be stressed about the idea of it. About how am I and so on...

Am I really bad?

Now, I'm curious what would he feel if I'll tell him that the threats towards us and our careers are the reasons why I left him. He would hate me to hell.

Since I was a kid, my parents told me that I was really secretive since before. I look like a Extrovert girl but I'm really mysterious at times. I don't immediately tell people what I really feel. And that's kinda frustrating.

I am not even able to open up to someone I am really close for years. Say like my members. I'm still mysterious to them. Though, I tell some things to Tae. It still wasn't enough all of this years.

I lack at that thing. I wish I had the courage to tell my pain and all. I wish I had the confidence to face my fears and just ignore the hates and threats. If only I was, my life could have been easier than it is.

I just don't want to talk about it and just let everything pass.

But destiny just couldn't.

"U-Unnie.. Mianhe.." I teared down.

Sorry for the things I have done and for the things left unsaid. The blame is always on me.

This isn't surely a panic attack. But it's my emotions taking over me.

"I just don't understand why do you need to keep everything to yourself! Don't you trust us!?" Jisoo unnie shouted.

Again, Jennie unnie tried to calm her down but she's really angry.

"Unnie, I will tell my problems if I am tired. I don't want everyone to stress you out----"

"Lis, you can always share your problems. Even if it's a small. We are your sisters!" Jennie unnie insisted.

She has the point but I am just doubting everything at this point. Having depression will never be easy.

"I never wanted this to happen. Believe me. Some things aren't just really easy to me.." I wiped my tears off.

Jisoo unnie's breathing became faster.

"You're just too selfless! You're not a hero to sacrifice everything! You're not! Stop making everything hard when you can have an easier way! You think you're a saint for not thinking yourself?! That's a plain bullshit!" -Kim Jisoo

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I'll try better, bear with me please...