Spidey AU's

Do You Seriously Believe That?

Did I recently binge watch 3 1/2 hours of A Discovery of Witches? Yes. Am I now writing a chapter about it? Also yes. Am I going to very obviously make references to the show? Still yes.
Ships: Parley

Peter's a vampire, born in the 7th century. He's still spidey.
Harley's a witch, born in the modern-day.
Clint is a demon, for plot purposes.
The rest of the Avengers are human,, with whatever powers they normally have.

"They are going to kill me!" that was Peter, bursting on to Clint's floor in the tower, having run from Mr Stark's lab. Clint said exactly what, then a bit more, of what Nat was thinking, "You might need to backtrack in order for me to have any clue what's happening. Also, Nat's here so, unless that's why you're about to get killed, then save this for later."
Peter finally acknowledged Nat's presence, "Hey мама паук, I have a society problem, and a craving. Stark's old friend, that's defying gender stereotypes. And yes, he knows who I am, he's really good. And do you recognise this person?" he slid a photo across the room, being careful not to let Natasha see, who had already begun drawing her own conclusions. Clint dropped his head into his hands after looking at the photo and muttering something about yes and stupid luck.
"So, I thought you knew society had gotten over the majority of the inequality, plus even so I doubt they'd burn you at the stake." Natasha did not expect her comment to have the effect it did: Peter finally broke and just had a long bout of hysteria. Clint held her back from trying to help, telling her he wasn't in full control and it would be dangerous for her to get too close.

He then proceeded to shoo Nat out of the room and follow her down to the kitchen, where they had all started eating. "Harley, I need to have a talk with you after this. About, Tower safety issues." everyone at the table fell silent, shocked at hearing how serious Clint sounded. They did forget he was a super-spy mostly, and they forgot again after Tony started squawking about how tower safety should be discussed with him. While they ignored Tony, Steve for once asked the more important question, "Where's Peter?"
"Having an SO. It's not bad, he just needs some time in the dark and quiet." he finished speaking just in time for Bucky to overhear Harley mutter, "Huh, so his name's Peter?" while perking up for the first time since seeing Peter and being left. Bucky just had to point it out. "You have a thing for Peter?"
Clint startled everyone out of their amusement at Harley's shock at being overheard by slamming his head on the table. He looked up and announced, "Teenagers have been the death of me. I'm leaving immediately to a desert in California where I intend to be a hermit, own the only square of grass, and live off the gold mine I also own. Goodbye." So he got up and walked away, almost certain Harley was going to follow.

He did. Then immediately tried to start a conversation or an interrogation, it's still unclear, "Is it my fault? Are you two going to kill me? Actually, wait you'd have already killed each other. What's an SO? I assume you know what I am, seeing as Peter went to you? Am I rambling? My bad. I'll shut up now. Wait does anyone else know?"
Harley was finally cut off when they entered the room where Peter had finally calmed down and Clint just chuckled, before gesturing to Peter, "You've been listening in since your laughing fit ended. You can deal with this, seeing as you two are gonna get me killed as well. Stupid creatures, oh and that photo you showed me? He assists your brother." Peter paled considerably. Harley moved to comfort him instinctively. Peter sighed and snuggled a bit closer, "For the first time ever I'm not exaggerating. You are actually going to be the reason for my death. Why can't we all just... Oh my Thor I've just had a wonderful idea that might prevent my death!" Clint face-palmed. Harley just remained confused, "Why am I going to get you both killed? This is a bad idea but, why won't they kill me?"
"It's because," Peter shifted to get more comfortable, "it's forbidden for two species to love one another. Unfortunately, we've clearly failed at that, but I think that we can work around it. Technically it's just that two different genders and different species can't be in love,, presumably for reproduction reasons. Clint, I hope you're taking notes to hopefully prevent my brother and bully who's jealous of
a) the fact I'm on the team and he's alternate
b) I have a lot more restraint