Spidey AU's

It's Not Furry!

He wasn't entirely sure how it happened. Ned had dared him to text his number neighbour and after breaking through some - fairly easy in his opinion - firewalls he had done so.
Peter:
Hi! You're my number neighbour!

???:
Your what?
How did you even get this message through?

Peter:
Well there were a couple of defences but they were easy for me to break
So who are you?

???:
Kids these days
...
You can call me Furry
*Fury

Peter:
You're now Furry!
And wow!
Your the SHIELD director?

Furry:
How did you?
Do your parents know this is what you do with your free time?

Peter:
Probably not.
All my relatives are dead...
:'(
Also, why'd you assume I was a kid?

Furry:
You went on SHIELD's records after hacking Stark' s tech when you were 10
Also, look up

Peter looked up like Furry had told him to and to his shock a massive aircraft 'the helicarrier' he realised, was landing on the same roof as him.
"Don't just stand there gawking! Get on!" Nick Fury shouted down.
"I'm coming, dad..." There was a beat of silence as they both processed what Peter just said. "Oh my god, I'm so sorry it just slipped out!" Peter scrambled into the ship.
"Don't be. Maria bring the papers out! Anything you think I need to know before signing the adoption papers?" Nick asked, expecting something like allergies.
"You want to adopt me? Also, let me check with someone who scares me very much if I'm allowed to tell you." Peter asked shocked.

2 idiots and the Goddess

Peter:
Guys
Guys
Guys
I'm about to do something MJ will kill me for.

MJ:
What!?

Gitc:
R. I. P.
This had better be life-changing

Peter:
Nick Fury's about to adopt me
Can I tell him I'm spiderman?
I'll put in a good word for you two

Gitc:
Nick Fury what?!
Also, ask MJ
If you do can you mention me being your gitc?

MJ:
I'll regret this later
Make sure Karen has control of the systems
How did you even contact him

Peter:
Thanks, MJ! =)
Of course, I'll tell him about my gitc
And MJ I'm mentioning how you're a mini Black Widow
Ned's dare

He looked up and spun his hand upside down, but instead of falling off the phone stuck to it. "Karen I built you to have some common sense, please delete appropriate footage. And secure Furry's line."
Nick had been standing there silently while he texted his friends. "You're the vigilante that swings around Queens? You know somebody scarier than me? I'm seriously Furry on your phone? You built an AI?" After the first question, they just kept coming.

Peter:
Karen is my AI me and a friend built for a science fair a couple of years back
Yes I'm Spider-man
MJ is a mini Black Widow and the scariest person I know
Ned is my gitc and the reason I contacted you
The two of them working together is most likely the only way I'm still alive
And duh you're gonna be Furry in my phone (⌐.̮⌐)

Furry:
That raises more questions but I'll do the 2 important ones
How did you make that face
Do you and your friends wanna work with SHIELD
Ned's your gitc, but what does gitc stand for?

Peter looked up startled and yelled "Oh yeah! Ned! I spose I can ask the others. Gitc stands for a guy in the chair. His idea, not mine. Also, that was three questions." He began furiously typing after signing the adoption papers.

2 idiots and the Goddess

Peter:
Do you two wanna work for shield with me?
MJ they'll teach you how to destroy people
Ned, you can work in IT

MJ:
I can destroy Flash in more ways than just verbally!
Sign me up!

Ned:
This is Ned's father
He is currently passed out
But gave a thumbs up when asked about IT
We expect a fully detailed report on what stupid thing you did this time

Peter:
I'll create a group chat

At some point, he had ended up in his new bedroom and on the bed. Which he dragged up the wall and used permanent webbing to secure it there. Then when he was comfortable he carried on making sense of everything that had happened since Ned dared him.

Spideyboi created a group chat
Spideyboi added Furry
Spideyboi added Gitc
Spideyboi added MJ
Spideyboi added How was I dragged into this
Spideyboi added Byputptthid
Spideyboi changed the chat name to How many people know now?

Spideyboi:
Welcome to Chili's!

Furry:
Oh for the love of
Aah Peter why the, how the
What's your bed doing up almost on the ceiling

Gitc:
Peter never ever accept a dare again
Unless it's from tourists
And MJ gave you permission

MJ:
I believe Ned's parents still need an explanation
That means now or I'll get vulture to drop another building on you

Furry:
Who did what!
MJ you're officially an agent
You can work in the field with Pete
Ned do you want to improve our tech team's skills

How was I dragged into this:
Yes, that explanation would go a long way right now

Byputptthid:
Fury I expect him and MJ to receive proper training
Meaning an enhanced course for Peter
And MJ would prosper working directly under Natasha

Spideyboi:
Well Ned dared me to contact my number neighbour and I did then half an hour later he'd adopted me
Also, did Ned know why you can call Black Widow by one of her first names?

Furry:
How does he keep working things out before me
Also, we do actually need to work out your powers
From what you told me it's clear you haven't explored anything that isn't extremely obvious

Byputptthid:
Peter and Fury dm me

Words: 967
Edited

Part 2? This is not how I expected this to go... Also any guesses as to what Byputptthid means? Each letter represents a word.

Imma create a longer version of this and make a book. Also, I'll cross-post it on ao3