The Sisters Of The Court

Chapter 55: Scarlett

I stare at myself in the mirror, It's been one year since I left Petersburg, Whoring myself for money to Grand Dukes, Princes, Any of the nobility that wants it. I turn back to Andrei who's getting dressed in the corner. Just one of the many men that want the Tsars whore. I bet they wonder what's so special about me anyways, I'm nothing except a plain whore. I sit down at the vanity and stare at myself. Still the face of dark beauty, But I've put on weight and I know exactly why. "You did good." Andrei puts the money on my vanity next to me and kisses my cheek looking back at me with desire, "You've had your time, Go." I just want to be left alone, These men are just to dull the pain, They can never be what George was. "You know I pay well honey," He moves his hands to my chest and I jerk away, "I don't give a shit, Get out," I snap at him, Why? Why couldn't it have been this ass instead of my love? "Don't be like that, I can give you more." He says as I stand up angrily, These men serve one purpose, To dull my guilt and pain about George. "Leave!" I snap at him, Too angry to feel the tears welling up in my throat, Andrei looks at me angrily and slams the door on his way out. I sink down into the seat at my vanity again, It's all my fault. It was my idea to get that stupid motorcycle. I bury my face in my hands, He would still be alive if it weren't for me. It should be Alice that's dead that stupid bitch. Then me and George could be together just like I always hoped for. But It's him instead of the bitch that deserves it. I slowly open the drawer to my vanity and stare down at the train ticket inside, Back to Petersburg. That cursed city where they put my beloved in the ground. I take out the contents of the drawer and stare at each paper, The paper from a doctor I got three months ago that tells me I'm with child, I don't know who's child it is but it doesn't matter anyways. I put it down and pick up Duckie's letter Mama! I am having the best time with Nickie! We can play everyday here even with Licy! But I am very sad without you and papa when will you come back? Love, Georgie (Duckie) I smile at the letter, I need to be with them, They've been without me for too long and I them. My poor Duckie, He doesn't understand about his papa. I get up and slowly get dressed with the tears rolling down my face, Why did he go? Didn't he want to live? Why didn't stupid Alice do something? Save him? These thoughts run wildly through my head as I go downstairs and leave the place that's been my home for the past year. I step out into the crisp Moscow air and breathe it in trying to compose myself from the grief of him being gone. The sun beats down on the small bump on my stomach and I pull my cloak around me. I get in the waiting carriage and lose myself to my thoughts "Why must you go mama?" Duckie stands behind me as I close my trunk "I do, Be good," I kiss his fore head and start walking out the door but he follows me, "Can I come with you?" He trots after me as I walk outside "No, You're staying here," I snap at him but I don't care "Why mama?" He starts crying and stands behind me as I put my bag on the carriage "You're not going George just be quiet," I snap at him and get into the carriage. I just need to be by myself, I look behind me and see George running after the carriage until he's nothing but a speck in the distance. The carriage stops in front of the train station and jerks me out of my thoughts. Why am I so selfish? I abandoned my children and gave George that motorcycle because I wanted to look better then Alice. I step out of the carriage and onto the platform looking at the people around me that stare at my clothes and Jewels. They've all heard about the Tsars whore being in Moscow, I get stares wherever I go but I like the attention, If only it could be from George again. I start silently board the train as people murmur about me, "I wonder what's so special about her?" I hear one man snicker and I turn on my heel, "Why don't you ask your precious nobility?" I snap at him then get on the lavish train. They don't get to insult me, They don't know me or any of the story. I walk to my cabin and take of my fur coat that one of the Grand Dukes gave me I think, I can't keep track anymore. I settle down at the writing desk, At least I get the train to myself, Perks of being a Grand Duchess I think to myself snarkily. Grand Duchess, Who would have thought anyone would actually respect my title? Barely anyone does but George did. Wonderful George, I smile to myself thinking about how he always respected me. I lay down on my bed and start to wonder what everyone is doing, Michael, He's probably pining away for me, Knowing he'll never have me. Duckie and Licy are probably playing with Nicholas. I smile at the thoughts that are temporarily distracting me from my grief. I can feel the train speeding up and racing across the tracks as I shut my eyes and relax for the first time in a year. Silently replaying everything that's happened, How the men came running back to me, How I found out I was with child, How I left my children, And the monstrosity of that stupid motorcycle. All of a sudden I hear a terrible screeching noise and bolt up in the bed but it's too late, I hear a terrible crunch and I black out. 

My head is aching as I come to my senses, Debris from the train is strewn out all around me. My whole body aches and all I can smell is hot metal. I've got to get out of here I think to myself and try to pull myself up. I pull my upper body up and feel a searing pain throughout my stomach and let out a scream. Oh my God I'm going to die here, I'm never going to get to be happy again, Or see my children, Or grow old. I'll die here in a train that I shouldn't even be on, I never should have even left. Panic rises up in me as I see a steel beam cutting into my abdomen and my baby, My poor precious baby, I lay back down and shut my eyes just waiting for the end. "I'm sorry." I whisper hoarsely to my baby, I don't care if it can hear me or not, I killed George and now I killed my little baby. A poor innocent soul. A chill comes over me and I know it's the end, It has to be. Soon I'll be as cold as death, I can feel my breathing go slower as I shut my eyes, My head hurts and I just want to sleep. Images go by in a blur, My mother kissing my forehead and the smell of her perfume, My teenage years in Hesse with Alix, How she was my best friend and so kind to me, Going to court for the first time and meeting George, My little Duckie being born into this world and the sweet smell of him as a baby, How Boris beat me and George took me in, And Finally how God took my love from me. "Letti, Letti," I hear a woman singing my name and smell the sweet smell of perfume. The only person who ever called me that was my mother, "What? Who is it?" I groan and force my eyes open, "It's mama," I squint at the light and see my mother standing over me clear as day, "H-How?" My heart starts racing, Is this a type of hell? A punishment of seeing my dead loved ones? "It doesn't matter how my darling, I'm here with you." She sits down on the ground next to me and takes my hand, I barely remember her from my childhood, She worked all the time and barely ever saw me. "Why are you here? You can't help me." I cough and feel some sort of fluid come up in the back of my throat "You're dead," I say hoarsely and I see sadness behind her Green eyes "I'm here to comfort you my love," She smooths my hair away from my forehead and kisses it "Too help me die?" I look up at her, Craving the love I didn't get as a child, "I'm scared to die mama," I start crying and letting all my fear come out, All my grief I've kept pent up the past year. "Shh my darling, You aren't going to die." She shifts and puts my head in her lap as she strokes my hair "I won't be, I'm going to die here," The tears stream down my face and every sob I take racks me with pain in my stomach "Think of those beautiful children you have, Your golden Duckie that loves you more then anything in the world. And Mikhail who just craves your attention, And your little Alice who needs your support. You can't give up, You must fight for them!" She strokes my hair as if I were her child again "I have already failed them," I hold her hand tightly as I lose feeling in my legs, "You haven't they need you, Don't give up like I did, You've done everything for your children. Don't make the same mistakes I did." She leans down and kisses my forehead and I smell the perfume off her. "I won't give up on them," I shut my eyes and Enjoy her warmth a I drift off to sleep again. 

I wake up to morning light, No one's come for me. I want too live, I want to fight like mama said, I need to be with my children but there's no one here to save me, Or help me fight, I think to myself as I rest my eyes against the harsh light coming in through the small crack in the debris. "Scarlett," I hear a man say and I know exactly who it is, George. My love, He is here for me! "George." I whisper and crack a smile with my crack lips, Deprived of water "It's good to se you my friend, It's been a while," He stands in the small opening exposing me to the outside world "You are here," I smile making my lips bleed but I don't care he's here with me, I hold my hand out to him and he sits next to me, "I miss you," I say hoarsely "Listen to me Scarlett, You need to do something for me, I don't know how long I can stay here,' He takes my hand into his slim warm one, "Anything for you," I smile at him, Overjoyed that he's here with me, "Watch over Alice for me, I know that you can get through this, you are strong. My Alice is strong in a different way, But now she needs you. I love you Scarlett, You were my closest friend. Remind Alice that she was the only woman who ever caught my eye. Remind her of the love I have given her while I was alive. Remind her she was my love, and my very best companion and that I will be waiting for her when it's her time. Tell her that I love her and that I will miss her dearly." The words sting in my heart, He must break my heart after he's dead? Make it hurt even more? "I love you George, I will do anything," Tears stream down my face as I hold onto his hand tightly "I mean it, Take care of her for me, I love you my friend," He kisses my forehead as I sob, I don't care if it hurts I want him back, I don't care if he doesn't love me, We all need him back "Don't go George, Please, I love you," I look up at him with tears streaming down my face "Remember take care of Alice, And my daughter when she can't." He lets go of my hand and my heart shatters into a million pieces "Please, Just come back to us," I cry "We must part now Scarlett, May we meet again one day." He steps back and turns into mist.

Thank you too @cassandraanne and @JurneeAndCody for all the support!