The Sisters Of The Court

Chapter 65: Scarlett

March-December 1905, St Petersburg

I sit in vomiting over the side of the bed, I've been in bed all damn day. I should be able to get myself up and do something. I retch again as Michael holds my Hair back, "I just ate something bad I'm sure, Don't fret over me,0 I lay back slowly as Misha looks at me concerned. Three years have gone by, Three perfect years of bliss and love. But heartbreaking for him I'm sure even if he won't admit it, I know he wants the most the thing I cannot give him. His own child. "You don't think we've finally been successful?" He looks at me as he grips my hand, I look back at him sadly. We haven't been careful, So I guess it can be called trying but what's the use of being careful when I'm incapable. "Did you ring the doctor my love?" I rub his cheek with my thumb, I hate myself that I cannot give him a child, He wouldn't care what sex it was, As long it's his. I turn my head away and pretend to rest a minute as the doctor comes in "Your Graces," I see him bow slightly as I shut my eyes, I won't be able to bear the look of Disappointment on Misha's face when like every time I have been ill confirms it's not a child. I silently put my legs up as the doctor examines me, I am too old now to have a child anyways, "Congratulations your graces," I hear the doctor say as I snap my eyes open, "You are with Child," He smiles at me as I sit stunned with Michael kissing my hands, "That's impossible, I cannot have children, I am too old!" I sit up quickly as worry bubbles up in my chest, The last child I was pregnant with I lost and before that I almost died having Alice. "I was told I cannot have anymore!" What if something happens to me or the child? What if I cannot deliver a healthy child no longer? Michael dismisses the Doctor as he climbs into bed with me holding me too his chest, "I'm scared," I say quietly holding around his middle, I cannot let him have hope like this and deliver a dead child or have another miscarriage. "Everything will be alright, You aren't too old my love and you'll have the finest doctors money can buy, And we'll have a baby." He whispers in my ear as I flush, He is the only one that can make me flush, All those other silly suitors were never able too. "Now, You rest my Tasha, Nickie wanted to see me." He kisses my forehead and gets out of the bed as I smile, I put the small writing desk on my lap as he leaves the room, I must reply to my Duckie now, He sounds so much more sophisticated in his letters now, He's Ten now after all his birthday was just three days ago and I remembered it with a pain in my heart. I haven't seen him in over four years, Four birthdays I've missed. I bet that bastard doesn't know what that does too a mother. My darling Little Boy! I got your picture and I can see your muscles already! I know you will be big and strong Just Like Nickie is I'm sure "Your Grace," A maid walks in and bows as I look up from my writing "What is it?" I take my reading glasses off as the Maid Walks further into the room with Victoria following behind her, "Auntie,!" She runs to me crying and I spread my arms open and I lift her onto the bed and my lap hurriedly "My darling, What is the matter?" I stroke her hair rocking her back and forth slightly, What on earth could make a child so upset? "M-Mama-" She tries to catch her breath as she cries and press her closer to my chest rocking her, Alice couldn't have done this. I've barely spoken to her in four years but she couldn't have, "Shh my Lily," I call her, Just as her father did me, She is a precious little girl and I promised George I'd take care of her when Alice couldn't. "I just wanted to hug her, Cause I haven't in a long time," She gasps for breath as she starts to calm down in my arms and feels less tense as I loosen my tight grip on her "And she wouldn't let me, It was just a hug," She hiccups and puts her arms around my neck lightly as if she were a baby, Poor child. Surely she is blowing it out of proportion some, Alice wouldn't deny her children a hug surely? "Shh, Aunties here," I kiss the top of her head as I stroke her hair gently, She must be so unused too the affection because she tenses up, "And She yelled at Alex too," She wipes her tears with the back of her hand and sniffles, I don't know much about Alice's sons, They remind me too much of my Duckie. "Don't be sad my darling, I have some wonderful news for you," I kiss the tip of her nose and set her down on the bed right besides me so she's snuggled up too my side, "You," I put her small hand on my stomach as I hear the first roll of thunder outside "Are going to have a new Cousin by Christmas," I smile as she throws her arms around my neck hugging me tightly "Oh Auntie I wish I could live here too," She says in her cheery voice as she snuggles back to my side and I put my arm around her and a pang of sadness hits me, I would love to have her here but Alice would never allow it, No matter how cold she is too her children. "Here, I got something for you," She opens her large blue eyes and looks up at me as I open the drawer to my nightstand and pull out the most expensive doll I could find in the catalogue, "Just for you my Lily," I smile as her eyes light up with joy, "Oh auntie she is so beautiful! I will name her after you!" She kisses my cheek and lays down next to me looking at the doll as if I would take it from her, I smile and shut my eyes as I lean back against the pillows and I swear I hear Victoria say "I love you mama," Before we both drift off to sleep.