Let me love you

Chapter 17

"Guys, I'm going to be in serious trouble if I don't decide on what to get her, " Frankie says, spinning around on my desk chair. 

He's been whining to us for the past 25 minutes about not knowing what to buy his girlfriend for her birthday as if I could be any help for that.

"I don't know dude like maybe buy her a perfume?" Eddie tries to help him while I just continue working on my new painting.

"I bought her one for last year's birthday, I can't give her the same thing again! I need something else, " he says, exhaling loudly.

"Then buy her jewellery, " Eddie suggests.

"Nah, actually yeah! I'll buy her a necklace she loves wearing something around her neck."

Frankie stops spinning and turns his attention to my painting.

"Who's that supposed to be?"

"No one, just a figure, " I say.

I never paint real people or faces. I wouldn't be able to do that anyway with my fingers. I paint only figures or shadows.

"Are you sure? because none of your other paintings has any woman in them, " Eddie says.

"Yes, I'm sure, " I say wanting to end the subject here.

"Okay, " Frankie says slowly.

As Frankie goes back to talk about his girlfriend it makes me think if I...if I'll ever have one in the future.

When I was a lot younger, I didn't really care about relationships but now that I'm 19 I found myself thinking about it more and more. I don't know what it takes for a relationship to last or what should I be looking for in a relationship and in a potential partner. I don't even know what some of the feelings you need to feel, feel like.

How will I be able to tell if I'm attracted to someone or like or even love someone? What if that person after some time with me doesn't want me anymore? I don't want to get my heart broken. I think I suffered enough through my life, I don't need to at heartbreak to that too.

I want to find someone to love me, but I think I'm too insecure about that. I never had any physical insecurities, but they don't only come in that form. I was always worried that I wouldn't be good enough, still am. Worried that I wouldn't be good enough for my parents, for people to want to be my friend, for friends to stick by me no matter what, for potential relationships and worried I wouldn't be good enough to love.

That is the only insecurity I still have to this day.

I used to be insecure about other things as well like, being boring since I wasn't talking much and the only thing, I had interesting about me was my paintings. I was also insecure that people would think I'm an asshole or cold because I'm closed off at the start. 

I guess I was overall insecure about what other people thought of me.

I chuckled and shake my head, oh, how I've changed. Now I couldn't care less about what anyone thinks of me. I don't pay any mind to strangers or unimportant people. I don't take shit from anyone now. 

Someone slapping me on the back tunes me back to the actual conversation with the boys and not my mind.

"What?" I ask looking at them, both of them glared at me for a second.

"Earth to Ian!" Frankie says with both eyebrows raised. 

"We've been trying to talk to you for 5 minutes, where were you?" Eddie says.

"I just got lost in my thoughts. What did you want to talk about?"

"Your next-door neighbour, " Eddie says with a smirk. 

"Chloe, right?" Frankie asks, spinning again on my chair with a cheeky smile on his face.

"Chloe yes."

I knew this was going to come sooner or later.

I mean Chloe is the only girl I've befriended.

"Tell us about her, you haven't done so, so far, " Eddie says, sitting upright on my bed as I stay sitting cross-legged on my floor.

"She's a really nice girl. She's sweet and carefree. She's very caring and empathetic. She's a good friend, " I say, looking at my painting.

"She sounds lovely. When are we going to meet her?" Frankie asks, excitedly leaning forward.

"Well, as a matter of fact, she's taking me out tomorrow night. She said it's going to be chill, and we'll have fun. Her friends are going to be there, so she asked me if I wanted to bring you guys along, so-" 

"Fuck yeah, we're coming. Oh, I've waited for this moment for far too long than I should." Frankie says interrupting me. 

"What, going out? We went out last week!" Eddie says, furrowing his eyebrows at him.

"No, I meant seeing him out, " Frankie says, mouthing the last part, so my parents couldn't hear in case they were passing by my room.

"Oh, yeah, I'm excited about that too! Took you long enough to choose to rebel, " Eddie says with a lopsided smile. 

"I know right, " I say, feeling my lips twitch upwards a tiny bit. 

"You know it suits you, smiling that is, " Frankie says, smiling too.

"Good to hear that," I say, chuckling. 

"Chloe must have done some magic on you to be acting like this. Makes me even more excited to meet her, " Eddie says getting off the bed and joining me on the floor, wrapping an arm around my shoulder and pulling me closer to his side.

"I know, she definitely did something to me that I can't explain, " I say, looking towards the balcony thinking about what the girl next door is doing.

"I'm happy for you brother, " Eddie always saw me as his little brother even though he's only 6 months older than me.

"I'm happy for me too, " I say turning my gaze back at them.

Frankie stands up from the chair abruptly and jumps on us, wrapping his arms around both of us and hugging us tightly.

"Group hug!" He yells.

"Oh God, you're suffocating me!" I say, trying to get out of their grip.

"Oh, ouch!" Eddie exclaims after Frankie accidentally hit him with his watch on the head.

"Sorry, " Frankie says while falling on his back, laughing.

"Yeah, you're sorry, well I'm not, " Eddie says before grabbing a pillow and throwing it at Frankie's face full force. 

"Ouch, that hurt like a bitch!"

I smile and shake my head at the kids playing.

Things are good, for now at least.

The day would have been even better if I saw Chloe, but I turn and look at my side table with the paper dove still sitting there.

This will do for now.

A/N

Tensions rising in the next chapter...

What do you think of Frankie?

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Hope you have a nice day/night! Xx

All the love - M ❤️