LIMERENCE - h. potter

ninety six - everything aside from three

*

The moment Lyra James entered the car of Joe Morales, she sunk slightly back into herself than she had ever been before. She'd managed to find a semi-clean t-shirt to wear and a pair of joggers she'd worn three times before, untangling her hair through magic and allowing herself to look somewhat presentable for the man. She refused to meet his eye, keeping them on the black lamppost in front of them as cold, yellow light shone down above them.

"Where are you bleeding?" he asked carefully, Lyra keeping her head turned away but showing him the scratches on her forearm. She winced briefly when the alcohol touched her skin before feeling the sense of calm she longed for as the thing strip of cotton was wrapped around it. "Better?" Lyra nodded, replacing her forearm on her lap.

The car's engine rumbled under her, making her flinch slightly which didn't go unnoticed by Joe, glancing to her briefly before continuing to drive down the road. Lyra James watched the lights pass by through the rain splattered window, dark skies meeting darkened eyes and making nothing at all. Lyra thought of her brother, how she missed his company and how they used to act towards one another when they were children - how she used to look after him when he was in need and how he did the same to her. He had Oliver now, he didn't need her to look after him.

They reached the medical centre, the chair free of the usually rude receptionist while a green backlight made everything glow. The room they usually did their sessions in was as colourful as usual, white carpet that little bit stained and trailing footsteps as they had walked through the dust and the rain. She sat in the seat furthest away from the one Joe took, knee up and hugging it weakly while her other hand rubbed her arm.

"So...?" he asked, watching her, unmoving, "What's been happening with you?"

Lyra turned with a deadpanned expression on her face but he didn't take it back, he only stared at her to continue. She took her time, postponing when she was actually supposed to say anything about herself, "I'm sorry for not coming the last three times, I just...I couldn't do it." Joe stared at her to continued again, refusing to say a thing, "I've been around, um, I just felt bad so I guessed I could figure it out on my own and go about with life but I don't think I can do this alone anymore. It's like I couldn't... think or function or do anything and when I did, I just..." saw him. She saw Greyback. He was standing over her. He was biting into her skin. He was making her bleed like she deserved it and she knew she did - she killed, she deserved to bleed for that.

"What?"

Lyra ignored the question, "Okay, um, I trust you, okay? So I'll tell you but... I can't... he'll... I can't say it all but I'll say enough." she finally looked at him, deep into his eyes so he knew she was speaking with full candour, "My parents died when I was...two, they were killed. I was raised by my aunt and essentially by my brother when I got to sixteen. My childhood was good, not much bad happened to me, my aunt was good to be but... when I was fifteen a war started where I lived, a similar war to the one my parents died in and when I was sixteen..." Lyra paused. Bellatrix's wild cackle reached her ears, she felt Andrea's intoxicating lips against hers, a tear formed in her eye. "I was tricked...kidnapped and tortured for three weeks because they wanted something I couldn't give them." Her breaths struggled to leave, feeling Greyback's body pressing down against hers as she screamed, helpless. "H-H—e... and I still—I still f—eel—I still feel him—o-on top of m-me and—" Lyra swallowed it down, continuing quickly, "No one understood what it was like when I came back besides Harry and Dylan and Remus, they threw me back into everything, they told me to go back to school and to go back to life a-and it hurt so much and no one listened. I told them I needed help and Harry tried to get it for me but they told me there wasn't anything to do besides play a fucking sport and I did that and we won most of our games and I kissed him and everything was good for a while and I felt home, he felt like home I love him I loved him so much and then...." Lyra let a short sob as Dumbledore came to mind, falling back onto the grounds of Hogwarts, "I saw my headmaster die and then I saw Fred die and I saw Ethan's body and Remus' and Tonks and I saw the person who attacked me attack my mate and then I watched him die...I watched what I thought was Harry die and it broke me. I couldn't do anything, they forced me to fucking watch him die and I wanted to scream and run and cry but Dylan was holding me back and he was crying and I had to tell my nana and his godfather and his mates and I saw him running and I knew I couldn't stay so I left and I came here but he, fucking Greyback, he found me here and I had to kill him and I still feel him on top of me and he's touching me and scratching me like I was his, his doll or l-like I belonged to him and he tried to kill me for what I said but Amina saved me and he's locked up but it still hurts and everything still hurts and I feel like I need a break and to run away and to stop being a burden on everyone because they have to deal with me and who I am and I don't want them to feel sad or sorry or to hate me forever for what I did and who I am. I didn't ask to be this way I didn't want to be kidnapped or attacked and I didn't want to leave either but the thought of going back and seeing their faces, Fred's and Ethan's and Remus', it terrifies me and I don't know what they'd say or do or how to live and everything just hurts, I need it to stop hurting and I don't know how so I thought..." A loud sob left her throat as Lyra clutches her chest, trying to stop it from aching. She needed someone to hold her until she felt okay again, to wrap her into a bear hug until she was okay again.