Suber: The Uber of Sex (Queer Erotica Short Stories)

Part 42: Kel

Biting his lip, Kel looked up at the ceiling. They felt the presence in the bed next to them. She was close, but Kel felt like the two of them were in different worlds.

"I'm sorry this is so weird." Kel took in a thin breath. He felt the embarrassment knotted in his chest. Half of them wanted her to leave just to get out of this trainwreck situation. The other half of him wanted to explain everything. But they didn't have the words.

Jessica turned to her side to face him, propping her head in her hand. With the blanket pulled up to her waist, Kel tried not to look at her naked chest. "Are you, like, stuck in your head?"

"I..." They shrugged. "I dunno."

Jessica just looked at them, her eyes soft and searching.

This was a terrible idea. Why did I do this? Why did I say yes? But Kel knew the answer. She asked how he felt about her. And he couldn't lie. He did want her. And now he felt the friendship between them tensing.

"You've, like..." Jessica hesitated. "I don't mean this to be mean at all. But have you... You've slept with someone before, right?"

Kel nodded. "Yeah, it's just..." They sighed. "It's what you said; I can't get out of my head. Like..." Why can't I be what she wants? "I dunno."

Shifting closer, she laid a hand on his chest. "It doesn't have to be perfect, you know."

"I know," they lied.

Jessica gazed at him, but he didn't look back. "Maybe I rushed you. We barely kissed. It's just," she shrugged "it's what I wanted. I didn't think..."

Kel wondered for an instant if she'd read his mind. The embarrassment tangled around his heart turned tight with regret. "Sorry." To disappoint you, he silently finished.

"Don't be sorry." Slipping an arm around them, she squeezed them. "It can be hard to get comfortable. It's okay."

"Right." They nodded. "Yeah." He wanted to say something else. To tell her that he wanted to be perfect for her, give her the kind of passionate, marathon fucking that would have showed her how much he wanted her. But he felt so small.

"Maybe I should get dressed." She laughed lightly, but Kel heard the nervousness in it.

She got up from the bed. Her clothes were still in the living room, where the misguided tryst began. Kel watched her, admiring the long planes of legs, the curve of her butt and up to her waist, the constellation of freckles and pimples across her back, her wavy hair swaying across her shoulders a sensual curtain.

She left, her footsteps receding down the steps. Kel sighed. Fuck. Fuck! Turning over, they buried their face in the pillow. I can't keep doing this. How can I fix this? None of his sexual excursions had been particularly mind-blowing. He couldn't separate what he wanted from what he was supposed to want, how he was from how he was expected to be. He couldn't separate new, thrilling experiences from old, haunting ones. It was more stressful than enjoyable, and he'd mostly stopped trying. But Jessica was different. They wanted to be with her, just as they were.

Kel reached for their phone. With half his face still buried in the pillow, he looked into Google's mobile page. Other people must have this problem.

They typed in and deleted several searches before entering one: How do I get good at sex?

The first three results were ads, all of them spammy and worthless. The next result was a blog post that caught his eye.