Suber: The Uber of Sex (Queer Erotica Short Stories)

Part 43: Kel & Vivi

Before meeting with Vivi, Kel read at least a dozen blogs about improving sexual confidence. He learned quickly how to detect which blogs were written by shallow men trying to sell their "guides" to getting laid, and which actually had good advice. Jessica had been right; all the good ones seemed to be written by or featured the advice of therapists.

They tried to follow the advice as well as they could. The therapists advised to pick a place that inspired confidence and comfort. So, Kel picked their house. They also read about making the atmosphere comfortable; over a weekend, they cleaned and organized the house top to bottom, vacuuming, rearranging, putting away clutter, even dusting bookshelves. Then, they thought about what to wear. Something to make them feel confident, the blog posts advised. They picked a pair of comfortable black jeans that seemed to always fit just right, a button-up white shirt swimming with small pink and blue squid, and a black belt that gave their hips a hard edge. He practiced his hairstyle several times and, though it wasn't perfect, the clean, slicked-back look was sharp. He wore one earring with a metal triangle dangling from a silver chain, and a silver necklace with an obsidian gem resting on his chest.

Vivi was supposed to arrive in an hour and Kel looked at himself in the mirror in his neat bedroom. I look like a fuckboy. He frowned.

Combat negative self-talk. The words of his favorite blog post drifted back to him. When your inner critic comes up, ask why. Is it protecting you from inauthenticity? Is it trying to protect you from something you don't want to do? Or does it need reassurance in a new situation it thinks is scary? Your inner critic isn't always a bad thing, and isn't just trying to hurt you; but it might need you to love it a little harder in these new situations.

They nodded and looked over their appearance again. Everything they wore, they liked with that inexplicable magnetism that seemed to define personal style. They walked a little taller. Their doubts got a little quieter. They felt a little cooler, a little more fun—a little sexier.

A small, nervous and excited smile slipped over Kel's lips. I am a little sexy.

Heading downstairs, he went through the most challenging part of the blog. Know what you want. What do you want your partner to do? What would you like to do with them? What are your boundaries? Practice saying these things out loud. Be sure your partner hears your desires and your limits, and you hear theirs. See if you can decide on things you both enjoy. Remember, your partner might be more receptive than you think! When our seemingly kinky desires or seemingly rigid boundaries go unexpressed, they start to seem stranger or weirder than they actually are.

"Okay," Kel said out loud. He sat down on the sofa and tried to picture Vivi sitting next to him. They'd both talked a bit on the app, which was a comfort—it was easier to say what he was looking for over text, though still tough—and she'd sent him a few more pictures of herself. Kel took some comfort in the fact that she was also trans, but she was intimidatingly beautiful, and seemed to be very confident in her sexual power. Her black hair was bleached to a rich copper, falling down her slim chest in deliberate, yet seemingly careless angles, like an erotic magazine cover. She shied from no aspect of herself, and even the unrehearsed, candid photos she sent him seemed to celebrate her body.

"There's something I've never done," Kel began, speaking to their image of her, "but I really want to. It's a little weird." Taking a breath, he shook his head. It's not that weird. Maybe it is. He frowned at himself. Fuck, it doesn't matter either way. Just let her decide that. "There's something I want to try, I think it's really hot. It's okay if you don't want to, though." That sounded better. "I'd really like it if you..." He bit his lip. The rest of the words fell apart in a sigh. I can't even ask when she's not here. Fuck.