endgame ✦ draco malfoy

caught pt. 2

   I know Draco told me not to see him tonight but I have to. I hate that he thinks I was sneaking around and possibly cheating on him with my ex boyfriend. This feeling of guilt is taking over my body again, just like it did the day after Draco and I hooked up an hour after breaking up with Theo. I shouldn't even be feeling guilty right now because I didn't even do anything wrong other than not telling him about my meeting with Theo.

    Right as I was about to knock on the door to the boys' dorm room, the door opened and behind it was Theo. He let out a sigh and looked down at the floor.

    "Is Draco here?", I asked.

    "No, he left the room when I came in"

    "Did he say where he going?"

    "Nope"

    "I guess I'll get going, then...", I said turning around, walking upstairs to the common room.

    Where could Draco have gone? If he isn't in his room, then he has to be somewhere in this castle. There are only two places I could think of, the Astronomy Tower and the Quidditch Stadium. It's dark and cold out right now so Draco can't be out there. The only place I could think of is the Astronomy Tower. We had our first date there and I'm not so sure if he wants to be up there right now when he's mad at me.

    I walked up to the seventh floor from the dungeons of the Hogwarts castle and approached the stairs to the Astronomy Tower. I gripped onto the cold black railing and walked up the platform. Sitting on the edge with his legs dangling was Draco. His pale blonde hair was messy and sparkled in the moonlight.

    "Hi", I said softly, sitting down on the ground next to him. Draco continued to look up at the stars and ignored me. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you about talking to Theo. I only kept it from you because I thought you'd be angry with me. Looking back at it now, it was stupid of me and not telling you made things worst"

    Draco still ignored me and pulled the hood from his hoodie up to cover his hair. He laid down on the ground and crossed his arms over his chest. This feels like the time I stole his chocolate frogs and he ignored me for three days straight.

    "Are you really going to ignore me when I've done nothing wrong?", I asked. "Nothing happened between Theo and I"

    "Why'd you do it? Why did you meet with him in secret?"

    "It was never meant to be secret. He asked me to see them at the spot"

    "Why did you need to meet up with him?"

    "I wanted to gain closure. Every time you get too close, I am reminded of my relationship with Theo. When you kiss the top of my head or carry my books to class, I am reminded of him"

    "I can't tell if that just made me even more pissed", Draco scoffed.

    "I didn't mean it like that"

    "Then what do you mean? You just said that I remind you of Theo"

    "I just meant that whenever you're affectionate with me, I get random intrusive thoughts that Theo did the same thing with me. He's the only guy I've ever been with and it's hard to... it's hard to let you in sometimes"

    Draco sat up from the ground and crossed his legs, holding his knees in his arms. He slid the hood off of his head and let out a deep sigh. "Am I doing something that makes it difficult for you to love me?"

    Ouch. That just fucking hurt. That felt like someone just shot an arrow right through my heart. How could Draco think that he's the reason why I don't love him? It's not like I don't love, because I do. I just don't really know how to show or express it. If I say "I love you" too soon, I'm just going to get hurt again and if I don't say it soon, I'm going to lose Draco to someone else who knows how to love him.

    "You're not doing anything wrong, Draco. It's me, I'm the fucking issue"

    "Do you still love Theo? Because if you do, I rather you tell me now than find out later when it's too late"

    "I don't love Theo, I love-", I began, but I couldn't get the words "I love you" out right now. "Theo means nothing to me, he's just a friend"

    "Are you sure?"

    "I promise you, you're the only one in my heart"

    "You're a very complicated girl, Stella Blackwood", he chuckled.

    "At least I'm not boring", I joked.

    "No, but you do make my head spin like crazy", he said swing his arm around my shoulder and pulling he closer to him. I rested my head on top of his shoulder and gave the top of my head a kiss. "I know that you have a hard time letting people in, but I'm never leaving so take as long as you want. You've been hurt before and I understand that it can be scary letting yourself be vulnerable with someone else"

    He's the fucking best.

    "I snatched something from the Alex's trunk for you", Draco said small telescope from his hoodie and handed it to me. "We're going to find Draco tonight", he smiled.

    "Thank you for being... Thank you for being the best thing to have ever happened to me", I said kissing his cheek. I held the telescope up to my eye and began looking for the constellation through the eyepiece. "First, we need to find the Big Dipper and the North Star"

    "Right there", he said pointing at the bright shining star in the sky. "And there's the lip of the cup"

    "I thought you don't care for Astronomy", I teased.

    "I don't, I just read a book on locating stars and constellations so I don't look like an idiot when we're stargazing. There's nothing I won't do for you, Stella Blackwood", he said caressing my cheek with his thumb. "You're my star"