Forgotten Ghost | Natasha Romanoff

Chapter 86: I Miss You

Smallest, smallest spoiler for The Falcon and the Winter Soldier, but it won't spoil anything important, I promise :)

Warning for mentions of anxiety, PTSD, alcohol abuse and eating disorders.

1 year later

''Go away, Liho. Go annoy your mom.'' The cat did not go away, instead it kept walking in front of her feet and Katya had to walk carefully to not kick him. ''For fucks sake, I'm going to trip over you in the dark sometime.''

That the pitch black cat even liked her was a big surprise. Katya's days were completely unpredictable. On some days, she woke up feeling something very close to okay. She would smile at Natasha and make her coffee in the morning. But those very highs always came with the lowest of lows.

Entire days had passed where she wouldn't get out of bed at all, eat nothing, hate the Universe and herself, and most of all, simply not see the point anymore. Those days were the hardest, especially since her therapist got dusted and she refused to find a new one. Others needed them more than her, was her reasoning. 

Natasha looked up from her tablet when Katya passed through the library, feet propped up on her desk like always. ''You should be nicer to her, she'll smother you in your sleep if you keep going like this,'' she smirked, chewing on her sandwich.

''Let her,'' Katya mumbled without looking over, grabbing her keys from the table where she had dropped them last night, stuffing them in the pockets of her jacket.

Her comment drained all the fun from the conversation and Natasha sat up in her chair, happy expression making place for a heartbroken one. ''Don't say that.''

Katya didn't hear her, marching out the same way she came in. ''I'll be in the city, already had breakfast.'' She didn't, but the desire to eat with her wife was nowhere to be found. Katya didn't know what effect her mood had on Natasha, who watched the brunette disappear into the hallway again. 

Already, tears wanted to spill out of the redhead's eyes. She felt that was all she was doing nowadays, cry.

Seeing Katya like this was more painful than anything. More painful than having daily conversations with Rhodey who only bore bad news about Clint. More painful than being alone in the Compound every day. Because that was the reality, her and Katya were the only two Avengers left, carrying the burden the others couldn't or didn't want to carry.

Both of them never moved on because this was all they had. They found their family and this job, this was everything to them. Steve couldn't deal with losing Bucky again. He was the only one who visited from time to time, but only briefly.

Banner had turned into this Hulk/Banner mix. He was green, big, but had Banner's face and brain. It was the perfect mix and kids loved him. He did not visit.

Rhodey had gone out to find Clint. Clint who had gone rogue after his family's death. Nobody blamed him, but he needed to be stopped. Bodies started to pile up and people were calling him Ronin in the streets. The people he killed were criminals, but that didn't make anything better. They desperately hoped he would come back home, but Rhodey had been unsuccessful in finding him.

Carol, Rocket and Nebula had gone back to space, helping where they could. According to the conversations with them, space was a mess. They did not visit at all and were further away from Thor, who had disappeared on Earth. After failing to bring everyone back, he had decapitated Thanos, but that hadn't given him satisfaction. He blamed himself for failing to kill him. Thor had fallen off the face of the Earth and was nowhere to be found. He didn't visit.