Forgotten Ghost | Natasha Romanoff

Chapter 59: Yelling At The Universe

Katya's knee bounced up and down uncontrollably. Never had she been more nervous for a mission. Well, maybe except her first mission for HYDRA ever. Back then, it was important not to screw up to prevent your leaders from killing you. Right now, it was important not to screw up to prevent being murdered by a robot.

Death had been tied to her all her life. It was always there, one step behind her. Stumble and death would come closer and closer. Stop all together and death would catch up with her, consuming her completely. 

All her life, she believed she had been fighting to stay alive, but that wasn't true. She had been fighting to stay ahead of death. But nobody could run forever.

The twirling knife she hadn't used for months had come out of storage again. It was a clear sign she was struggling and needed something to calm her down. 

Her blue eyes stared at it as it hit her palm over and over again. It was calming, but only to a certain amount. The bouncing of her knee never stopped.

Neither Steve, Natasha or Clint tried talking to her. They all saw she needed her space and would come to them if she was ready. Which happened about halfway through the flight to Korea. Steve hadn't tried taking Katya out of joining the mission again, although he wasn't happy about it.

''Nat?'' Katya spoke over the noise of the jet, breaking the comfortable silence that had settled inside.

Natasha was sitting next to Clint who was flying them there. They hadn't said much to each other besides the usual small talk. Neither of them felt the need to fill the silence. 

Upon hearing her fiancée's voice, Natasha turned around in her seat and looked at her questioningly.

''Can you come over here?'' Katya felt like a child but it didn't bother Natasha.

The Russian looked at Clint, silently asking him if he was good piloting on his own for a while. He nodded, gesturing for her to go.

Steve looked up from his tablet momentarily when Natasha stood up and walked over to Katya. However as soon as they started talking, he focused back on the device. This conversation wasn't meant for his ears.

Katya glanced at Natasha when she sat next to her, her green eyes waiting patiently to hear what she had to say. 

''I have been so busy with myself that I haven't even asked if you are okay,'' Katya admitted. Her own traumas had been keeping her mind so distracted she didn't even think about Natasha's vision and what she must have seen. Honestly she felt like a horrible fiancée.  

Natasha gave her a reassuring smile. ''I'm fine, Kat. I really don't want to think about it.'' Truth was, she felt horrible too, but Katya was already dealing with enough. The last thing she needed was Natasha's traumas on top of hers. 

Katya dropped her gaze to her restless hands. ''Yeah me neither,'' she confessed. 

Natasha grabbed her fiddling hands and Katya took a deep breath. 

''So how about we forget for now, focus on the mission, and we can talk about it when we get back home?'' Natasha proposed, smiling encouragingly. 

Katya nodded and Natasha knew this was the end of the topic. It also wasn't ideal talking about this with Steve and Clint being able to hear everything they said. They preferred to do these things in private.

''So are you up for this mission?'' Natasha asked after a minute, leaning back against the wall. 

Katya sighed, running her hands over her face. ''Probably not, but I'm ready to kick some ass. Preferably Ultron's.''