"You're not alone Y/N. We all have our moments, where we feel alone, scared, unwanted, and unloved. I've been in your shoes, but look at me now, I was able to get through my struggles and if I wouldn't have, I would have never met you."
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MENTIONS OF SELF HARM/ TALKS ABOUT ADDICTION ___________________
03/30/2018 Friday 2:31am
You don't know when it was, or why, but you felt yourself slipping into bad habits. Habits you never wanted to go back to.
You're not sure if Spencer took notice, but if he did, he didn't say anything. Maybe he wanted you to come clean about it, or he didn't want to ask.
Or he just didn't care at all.
You haven't been sleeping or eating. The last time this happened was when your sister died, and now that you thought that your life was getting better, it truly wasn't.
There you were sitting on the bathroom floor, with a razor blade to the inside of your thighs. You cut yourself. Letting out small cries as you did. You cut over your old scars and make new ones.
5 new lines on your left thigh, and 6 new lines on your right . 11 new ones. 23 in total around your body.
You sit on the floor crying at what you just did, you thought you'd be stronger than this, but this is proving you wrong. The thoughts in your mind get to you everyday and you try so hard not to let them get to you.
You're disgusting. Don't eat that, you'll gain weight. Am I too fat? Am I nothing but another girl with daddy issues? Am I even important to anyone? Am I NOTHING?
Still at the end of the day, you put on a smile and work your way through the days and live another day. That you slowly don't want to live anymore.
You lift yourself off the floor and wince at the pain between your thighs. Looking at yourself in the mirror, you see the girl who made the decision to pick up a blade and slit her wrists, six years ago for the first time.
More tears fall from your eyes as you feel nothing but pain inside of you that you don't know how to tell anyone. "You ok, baby?" You hear Spencer on the other side of the door.
"Yeah I'm fine." Am I? "I just started my period and have really bad cramps."
Spencer doesn't say anything else, so you clean yourself up and wash your face, then walk out of the bathroom and get back into bed. You get under the covers and you feel Spencer pull you against him and press a kiss to your temple. "You're sure you're ok?"
"Mhm. Can you just hold me?"
Spencer obliges and wraps his arm around you pulling you closer to him and holds onto you. __
Spencer's POV
I hear Y/N crying in the bathroom and I have a feeling on why she's crying.
She's harming herself again.
I've noticed how she is always wearing leggings and oversized hoodies and that's not like her. She always wants to show some skin, but something has changed.
When she comes over to my apartment she always says, "No sex tonight." and I don't get upset with her because I'm not with her just for that, I really want to be with her for who she is, but now I feel as if I don't know her at all.
She falls asleep in my embrace and an hour later, she's shaking and crying.
I hold her tighter so she knows that I'm with her and that she's safe and that seems to calm her down, but I know that when I'm out on cases she doesn't sleep. I can tell because when we're on FaceTime, I see her eye bags, she wears more makeup than usual and you can hear it in her voice.
She's exhausted.
I place kisses along her cheeks, forehead, top of her head, and her nose. She makes a small smile in her sleep as I do that.
I want to help her. She doesn't have to even say the words, "Help me." because I was the same way. I didn't like asking for help, but then I realized that I was struggling and needed help to get over my addiction.
So I asked and got help.
I want to be the one to help her, be there for her when she needs me and have her not feel alone anymore.
Before I close my eyes, I whisper in her ear, "I'm here baby. I'm always gonna be here for you. No matter what." _____________
Author's Note <3 Ok so this was another filler chapter, just so you know what's going on with Y/N. Hope you enjoyed this small short chapter.
Love You.
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Word Count: 830
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (800-273-8255)
SAMHSA National Helpline (1-800-662-4357)
If you or anyone is struggling with addiction or are with self harm, call these numbers or talk to someone you trust. I'm here if you want to talk too, but just know that you are important and you matter. I love you all. ❤️
