"You're not alone Y/N. We all have our moments, where we feel alone, scared, unwanted, and unloved. I've been in your shoes, but look at me now, I was able to get through my struggles and if I wouldn't have, I would have never met you."
There you were sitting outside on your balcony with a bottle of tequila and a blunt.
Spencer was out on a case again since last week, and you had the week off since you had worked your hours. Desiree has been calling you nonstop and you want to answer and tell her to come over, but you don't.
You bring the bottle of tequila to your lips and drink. The liquid burns as it goes down your throat. But you love the feeling.
Setting the bottle down, you grab the blunt and flick your lighter on and bring the blunt to your lips. Inhaling and holding it as long as you could, then exhaling. You see the smoke go up and disappear into the night sky.
You take more swigs from the tequila and more hits from the blunt, until you finish both. As you see the empty bottle, you start to cry but bring your hand up to your mouth to quiet your sobs.
Why am I in so much pain? Why does it hurt?
There are so many things you want to say, yet you can't find a way to put them into words.
You sit there crying alone, until there's no more tears to cry. Grabbing all your things, you walk back inside and grab a bottle of some pain killers you took from the hospital, probably not the best idea, but at this point nothing mattered anymore.
You go into your room and sit on your bed with the bottle of pills and think everything through.
If I take these, I won't wake up. Do you really want that? Yes. Do you really want to leave Spencer and Desiree? No But you can't keep feeling like this.
You throw the bottle of pills to the side of your room and walk into the bathroom. You go through your drawers to find a razor blade, but you can't find any of them.
Where are they?
You feel yourself hyperventilating and tears run down your cheeks. The voice in the back of your head is telling you,
Do it. No one cares. No one loves you. You have nothing to live for.
Fuck it.
You run out of the bathroom and into your kitchen and grab a knife.
Are you really doing this? Yes
Do you really want to be gone forever? No
Spencer will find someone better than you and someone who can give him what he wants.
