Without Her

Chapter 10 - Can we do this?

"What?" Kian says, as the news knocks the wind out of him for a second "That's brilliant!"

He looks over at Jac and sees her face "Or maybe, not." He sighs.

"I don't know if we can do this." Jac says, standing up and staring into space.

"We can." He smiles "We can have this baby, imagine it, my hair, your eyes, my foodie personality."

"I know I can be a mum." Jac sighs, still staring into space "But not just yet, I have Emma that proves that I can be a mother."

"Well whatever you decide Jac, I'll be right by your side." He says, standing up and putting his hand on her shoulder "I know you probably won't take my opinion into consideration, but I really want to meet this kid."

"I do too, but I don't think I can." Jac says, as she turns and cries into Kian's chest "What if I have another breakdown?"

"If you do, I'll be here to support you." He says, stroking her hair out of her face.

"I don't want to abandon Emma, not again." She cries, harder.

"Jac look at me." He says, pulling away from the hug "You did not abandon Emma, you did what you thought was best for her - that's exactly what a mother does."

"Look at me, I'm a mess." Jac sighs, slumping down to the floor "How can I have another baby?"

He sits down next to her "Like I said, whatever you decide I'll stand by you." He replies "But please, think first."

"I will." She says, looking down at the floor and outlining the wooden floors with her finger.

"You better call Sacha, and tell him to come another day." Jac says, quietly as she gets up and walks upstairs.

Later...

They are laying in bed together, she is snuggled into his chest.

He watches her sleep, how did he get so lucky to have this woman in his life?

In all honesty he really wanted this baby, but he would support her if she didn't.

She slowly wakes up "Hey." She smiles, as they kiss.

"Hey, sleeping beauty." He laughs, he then looks at her.

"Jac, I've been thinking." He starts, pulling the duvet up over himself.

"Wow, you can think?" Jac says sarcastically, starting to get out of bed.

"I was wondering, would you let me adopt Emma?"

"What?"

"I want to adopt Emma, I want to be a part of this family." He smiles, opening his arms so they can hug.

"You want to adopt her?" Jac says, astonished.

"Yeah I do, I know we need Jonny to agree first." Kian smiles "Obviously he'll still be her dad and that."

"Yeah." She smiles "You'll be like a second dad."

"Yeah, I will." Kian smiles, as she gets back into bed and hugs him

"Thank you for being, the person I needed you to be today." She says, feeling all emotional.

"And I always will be." He replies.

"You know you don't have to do this." Jac says, as she starts to cry.

"Woah, there's no need to cry." Kian says, rubbing her arm.

"Sorry, it's just hormones." She sighs, as they lay back down on the bed. She lays on his arm.

"I want to adopt her." Kian smiles "You and Emma are my family, now."

"And I wouldn't change it for the world."

The next day...

Jac had told Nicky to get her a coffee, she sits at the nurses station and waits patiently.

Eventually after waiting an eternity, Nicky returns with the coffee and puts it down in front of Jac.

Jac takes one sniff of the coffee, and she takes one sip and gags "God McKendrick, take it away!" She says, putting her hand over her mouth.

"Miss Naylor, are you okay?" Nicky asks, picking the coffee up.

"What sort of coffee is this?" Jac asks, bewildered "Where's my normal?"

"Uh, this is your normal." Nicky says, showing Jac the order.

"Well then, they must have changed the recipe."

"Nope, they haven't."

"Right well then, my tastebuds have." Jac says, standing up and putting her stethoscope on.

"Are you ill?" Nicky asks, putting the coffee in the bin.

"No McKendrick." Jac says "Just because my tastebuds have changed, doesn't mean I'm ill."

"Okay." Nicky replies, as Jac walks away - Nicky know something is up though.

Jac goes into her office, she staggers and holds onto the desk.

Pain fills her stomach, cramps bad cramps, is this it? She wonders.

She lays herself down on the sofa, and tries to focus on other things.

Eventually after half an hour, the cramps and pain die down and she manages to get up.

She leaves the office.

She sees Godard with an ultrasound machine, outside bay 3.

She runs up and grabs the ultrasound machine, "Find another one, I need this for a patient."

"Okay, whatever." Chloe says, clearly pissed.

Jac walks into the office, and locks the door. She sits herself down on the sofa, and starts the machine up.

She pulls her shirt up, and puts gel on her stomach.

She starts the ultrasound, she goes all around her stomach.

She sighs, is it relief or sadness?

But then she hears the heartbeat, and tears fall down her face.

Her decision, is made.