Without Her

Chapter 32 - So Many Things

Final multiple chapter day today, tomorrow I'll most likely go back to posting once a day!

Tw - Stillbirth mentions, and abuse mentions.

Jac and Kian are laying in bed together, Jac awakes to see Kian watching her.

"There are so many things, I haven't told you." She sighs, looking into his eyes.

"You don't have to." Kian says, putting his hand on her arm.

"I had a baby."

"What?" He replies, looking at her shocked.

"When?"

"Years ago, a little boy." She sighs, looking down.

"W-what happened to him? Did you adopt him out?" Kian asks, confused.

"No, I lost him." She replies, her eyes gleaming with sadness.

"Oh Jac, I'm sorry."

"And he was so, so perfect." She smiles, looking over at Kian.

"If you don't mind me asking, who was the father?"

Jac stays silent for a second before responding "He..was."

"Jac..." he says, hugging her.

"I really wanted him, and then it happened. Then it was time to say goodbye."

"I saw his face, his tiny perfect face." She smiles, again "And everything in that moment stopped, he was beautiful."

"And I also decided in that moment, that I couldn't do that again - if I had another kid, it felt like I was betraying him."

"Jac, that's not it." He says, rubbing her hair.

"I lost my son, because of that monster."

"I promised myself, I wouldn't let myself grieve for another baby. And I also promised myself, I wouldn't fall for another man."

"But I fell for you, and that makes me happy." They hug, and stay like that until they both drift off again.

They awake, to jumping on their bed a few hours later.

"Mummy, mummy!" Emma shouts, jumping on the bed.

Jac sits up and looks at Emma, confused.

"Emma, what the hell are you doing?" She asks, rubbing her eyes.

"We're late to school!"

"Well we can't be." Jac replies, looking at the time.

The time shows 9:55am, and Jac jumps out of the bed.

"Right Emma, get dressed now!" She says, running into the bathroom and changing.

Fifteen minutes later...

"Emma if you don't get downstairs right now, fully dressed. I'm taking all your toys and sweets." Jac shouts, as Emma comes running down.

"Thank you." Jac sighs passing her, her packed lunch.

"Thank you, mummy." Emma smiles.

"Right, get in the car." Jac says, picking Harriet up from her play pen.

"Learning to sit up, are we?" She smiles, at Harriet.

She puts Harriet into her car seat, and then buckles her up.