Infatuated (hsau)

chapter 40.

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We're too young to fall asleep
Too cynical to speak
We are losing it
Can't you tell
The scratch
Our eternal itch
A twentieth century bitch
And we are grateful for
Our iron lung
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Harry Styles

I have no idea how on Earth I'm supposed to dispose of a dead bird so I just put it in a plastic back and threw it in her outside bin, hoping she'll just throw things on top of it and forget it's even there.

I've never felt more domestic in my life than I do right now as I'm cleaning her car with this antibacterial disinfectant wipes. Luckily her car seats are leather meaning I didn't have to pretend like I know how to get birds blood off of fabric. I probably would've just paid for it to get valeted, I'm useless when it comes to cleaning.

She's right though, Daniel might not have shown up and physically tried to kill her like I first thought but he sure did manage to spook her. I thought she was about to have a heart attack and as much as I'd much love to give her the kiss of life, I don't think I can cope with somebody actually having a heart attack.

Cleaning really isn't my speciality, Harlow had a whole basket of cleaning stuff so I just grabbed it and ran out here before Harlow literally died on me. I think I've used every cleaning product she owns, stuff I didn't even know existed like whatever 'surface cleaner' is.

I hate how smart Daniel is. He knew I was gonna panic and go running to Harlow, so had the chance to fucking threaten her with a dead bird in her car. I'm confident that we'll beat them in this fight that determines 'who gets Harlow' but there's no way I can outsmart him.

The guilt I'm feeling right now is deadly. It's her mother's birthday and she's not even been given a break from this shit.

Seeing her try to pretend she isn't affected by everything genuinely makes me upset. She didn't even admit to being upset until I felt a tear of hers against my chest and without thinking I was singing Daydream Believer to her in the hopes she'd calm down.

I really care about her and I don't know why. I hate everyone but there's something about Harlow that just makes me weak.

I never expected the woman who told me all about her to have meant every word she said when saying she was the purest, sweetest girl I'd ever meet.

Pure and sweet she is, however she's also so intelligent and she has that 'boss woman' look about her. It's so attractive seeing somebody prance around the club they own, and know that they're powerful.

The fact one of the Vultures has shown up here whilst I've been inside makes me sick. Her car door was closed when I walked past it, I knew something was up the minute she said it was open.

They could've left the bird in my car, probably would've freaked me out more since I'd have gone crazy thinking they've done something to her, but leaving it in her car is just plain evil.

Daniel would never kill Harlow. I'm not stupid enough to fall for this little metaphorical gesture of his, however I do believe he'd hurt her and that terrifies me.

I never wanted her to be this involved with shit, never. Harlow was always going to be involved but I didn't know how deadly her involvement with me would be.

On one hand I'm keeping a promise to someone, a promise that I'd look after her and on the other hand I want to leave her alone so Daniel gets what he wants.

The only thing that makes giving up so difficult is that I've actually started to feel things towards her and I couldn't give her up if I tried. Not only is that unfair to her, but it's unfair to the person I made the promise with.