Infatuated (hsau)

chapter 81.

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Take my mind
And take my pain
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Harry Styles

We left at 9AM, all of us split up apart from Liam, Josie and I. We drove down the same roads over and over again, searched the same empty fields and the same alleyways in the hopes for just something. Yet even hours later we were still in the same position and I was still without Harlow.

The more time goes by the more anxious and sick I feel, because wherever she is, she must be so scared and so worried. I wish I could hold her and tell her everything's okay, tell her I love her and wipe her tears away then play her a song I wrote for her.

And I will, because I'm not stopping until I've found her.

Josie suggested going somewhere that meant somewhere to us, but the biggest part of her relationship has been at the club. Despite that, I drove up to the hillside where we spent her birthday afternoon, laying in the grass and talking about random stuff. I played her a song there, we looked up at the clouds and we felt so free.

Whilst Harlow was staring up at the sky with a smile on her face, running her gentle hands through my hair I was thinking about how I never want to love anyone else. I was thinking about what life would be like for us in the future.

In the clouds that day and in my dreams ever since, I saw her wearing a ring that wasn't just one made of a broken guitar string, and I saw her in a house of our own. I saw us parenting cats and visiting sunflower fields because I know those are her favourite flowers. I saw her surrounded by the yellow of the flowers from down on one knee.

But right now as I'm looking across the hillside at the place I realised the true depth of my love for her, I'm seeing nothing but an empty field.

Staring at the empty patch of grass where we once lay, feeling more free than ever I'm realising that was probably one of our last memorable moments together. I wish we did more things like that, I wish I had more time to show her how much she means to me.

I rest my head forward against the steering wheel and let out a sigh, pinching my eyes shut to prevent any water from spilling out. I felt Liam's hand on my back and Josie said something reassuring, but I didn't hear properly because all I could hear was Harlow's laugh lapping round my mind.

"Anywhere else?" Liam asks, to which I just shrug my shoulders digging my fingers into the leather of the steering wheel. "What about a place where she'd go alone? A place she'd go before she met you?"

I lift my head, deep in thought as I'm thinking ground every single day we've spent together. I'm thinking about things from the minute she opened her eyes, to the second she closed them at night and then it hits me that there's one important place I haven't thought to check yet, and I know the other guys won't have looked there either.

Her mum's grave.

I know that the chances of Daniel taking her there are slim, but if I don't check there I'll never forgive myself. Even if she isn't there, maybe me talking to her mum will make me think of something, and if not, I need to apologise for breaking the promise I made to her.

Every speed limit from that hillside to the graveyard was broken, and I knew I'd definitely be getting a few tickets for that one, but I just don't care. Liam and Josie chafed a few concerned glances, but I think they both understood.