CLN's Seasonal Reviews (CLOSED)

Bad-Tempered Heroes - by Hunter_Yonk

Review Done By ArcherPoole

Book Cover: I know you said that you weren't the best at creating book covers, but I have to say, I actually enjoy this one quite a bit. The art style is simple, yet intriguing. The only critique I really have about it is that it is hard to see what's going on from the small preview screen we get when scrolling through your profile. You have to click on the book to get a better view of the cover. Additionally, it would be nice to see a bit more color variety. I do like the red that pops at the bottom of the shopping list, but I believe it would help catch people's eyes if there were a few more colors strewn throughout. (7/10)

Blurb: The blurb is interesting. It starts off with a really great hooking line: "It all starts with a grocery list and ends up with a magic war." This immediately makes me want to know how on Earth the two things are connected and draws me into the book. After that, however, it does kind of fall apart for me. You do a good job of setting the stage by telling us it's a modern world, magic can be classified as legal/illegal, and there's a good amount of crime and technology running rampant. You then go on to tell us about two characters, but then immediately follow their backstories with "But never mind that", which makes it seem like what we read up to that point simply doesn't matter. I believe if you take out the mention of the two characters (since they're truly random to us as readers until we read the story), and focus the blurb more on the stakes at hand, you will see a better overall flow to it. (5/10)

Chapter 0 (Prologue): I want to start off by saying I love the fact that you've called in Chapter 0, instead of Prologue. They are the exact same thing, I just like to see the variation from other stories. My God, do you ever start off strong with the descriptions as well? "The starless vault of Heaven was having a battle of its own, fire and water dancing alongside the winged creatures." This is a fantastic scene-setting description, and there are quite a few other examples as well just at the beginning!

"A light traveling back from the underworld never boded well" is a sentence I particularly love as a huge mythology nerd. This sets a good conflict opener for your world but also references (sort of) the tale of Orpheus from Greek mythology.

Normally, I'm not a fan of POV changes within a chapter. If done chapter to chapter, like with Game of Thrones, I find it easier to keep up with. Separating the POV between the male and female characters with an asterisk is a good idea, but it does immediately disrupt the flow of the story, as I found myself expecting a different story from her view for some reason.

Chapter 1: The opening to Chapter 1 is very Deadpool-esque, where the main character, Rose, is talking in the first person, but seemingly to a knowing audience as if we were there watching the events unfold and she was narrating her own story. It makes for a comical opening, but not necessarily a strong one. The reason being is now you have a choice to make: Do you keep that sort of storytelling going throughout the book, or do you switch gears to make it a bit more traditional first-person?

Overall, I rather enjoyed the first chapter. I'm always a fan of books starting in the middle of an action sequence, but finding out that the "war" was just a training simulation was really good! I expected Rose to be a badass soldier, which is why she could afford to sit and write out a shopping list but to have that expectation subverted by revealing that she's literally just a teenager that's been sheltered her whole life was a very nice surprise.

Chapter 2: This chapter is almost identical to Chapter 1 in terms of flow and writing, so I'm having a hard time picking out differences to critique. This isn't necessarily a bad

thing, as it means you have a consistent writing style you've stuck to, instead of bouncing all around with your POVs and tenses.

One critique I will point out (that may get addressed later on) is that at this point, we've been introduced to three characters that work for this military agency (Vlad, Denis, and Rose's brother). With that in mind, we haven't been told what this agency really does, and we really haven't been given many clues to piece together ourselves, so the reader is left in the dark.

I do love the transition to the past/future during a time of peril. I'm not usually a fan of flashbacks (or premonitions), but if one is necessary, I prefer them when the character is in distress, as it provides a natural climactic breaking point. The one issue I have with this one is that I really don't know if we bounced to the past because she was younger, or to the future because events were happening that she knew hadn't yet happened.

Chapter 3: Right off the bat, I'm not a fan of how this chapter immediately started out. Coming directly off of Chapter 2, I don't feel like a brief recap of the events is truly necessary. It's essentially just making readers read the same scenario twice almost back to back. This chapter could have picked up with Rose immediately turning to see who was behind her since we knew about the breath on her neck at the end of Chapter 2.

I'm not a fan of the translations for the little Russian used. I believe the context of what was said could be worked into the text itself, especially since Rose speaks a little Russian. For example, the part where Vlad wishes her a happy birthday could be left as him simply saying the Russian for it (no translation), and then having Rose's internal monologue tell us she understood that it meant that based on her few Russian language lessons.

I find myself incredibly confused at the end because of the break you put in before the stranger begins talking to himself. I find myself wondering why it was broken off to a separate spot, rather than just continued like normal. While it's not a massive issue, it does detract from the flow of the story itself because anytime I see a break, my brain interprets it as a whole new point in time for the story.

Chapter 4: As much as I swung at Chapter 3, you came back strong with Chapter 4! The very first sentence is just an amazing description, similar to others I've found throughout the beginning of your story.

I loved this Chapter! This had more of a High/Dark Fantasy vibe to me than the previous ones, which were more Modern Fantasy. My only critique is that I really have no clue if this is happening at another point in time or a parallel universe type of situation, or just somewhere hidden within modern times?

Overall: Overall, after reading the first five chapters (I count Chapter 0 as one), I really do love this story. It did a good job at hooking me, even from the blurb. There's a good amount of action involved early on, which I believe is essential in keeping readers interested. The story hasn't progressed much in the first few chapters, but that's alright because they are enjoyable to read, and I have no doubt that given further chapters, more of my questions will start to be answered. I would absolutely recommend this story to anyone who enjoys Fantasy or Sci-Fi, as this is almost a mix between the two so far, and I would love to see how the characters and magic progress throughout the oncoming chapters.