CLN's Seasonal Reviews (CLOSED)

The Butterfly Effect - by - AdriannaRaines3172

Reviewer: Taebaetae74

Cover: 04/05

First off, the fonts need to be improvised. Times New Roman doesn't go with the cover. The red was saturated way too much too. So you need to fix the highlights. Other than that, I think you did well!

Title: 04/05

The title was good. The reason I deducted that one score is because many people may not know what the title means in the chaos theory. They might just take the term 'The Butterfly Effect' as a cliché romance book, you get what I'm trying to say? So that's one. Next, you should rule out the 'a murder mystery' part from the title. That could be a sub-title- not a title. Then, of course, the font. You might want to exclude the fonts since they aren't visible on all devices.

Synopsis: 09/10

To be frank, it was very well written. I suggest you remove the fonts, though; since they aren't visible on all devices (I had to change devices to read it). However, the reason why I deducted the 1 point is that I felt that the last paragraph of the description, that is, the bonfire part, was too lagged up. You could've cut the sentence into two rather than using a lot of commas, you know? Other than that, the synopsis was pretty.

Execution: 06/10

The execution was not bad? First off, you should avoid inserting images of scenarios and related topics in between. That completely ruins the flow of the book.

Then, the usage of bold tags and italics. Bold tags are usually used to put a very strong emphasis on a word or a phrase (rarely a whole paragraph in narration). And italics could be considered a degree below bold tags. The reason I'm telling you this is that I saw that you wrote the 'Cast' chapter of the book completely in bold- that is of course before the cast is revealed. 

I did not see the need to use so. Also, you shouldn't have clicked enter after every 4-5 words (in the part before the synopsis). And italics could've been used for the whole thing rather than bold tags. There're specific rules to follow when you use such tags.

Moving on to the execution of ideas and scenarios, you did a good job. However, I felt that provide far too more details than necessary. It made me want to stop reading the book after the first half of the first chapter itself- you weren't getting to the point. I mean, of course, many times, the first couple of chapters in books act as fillers; but, like I said, too much beating around the bush. So you have to pay more heed to that part.

Plot: 17/20

The plot was well thought out. I did not really catch any loopholes as such, neither do I have to say anything regarding this. The only thing is, due to the writing style, the plot came off as lagged up.

Writing Style: 15/20

The writing style is good. You have a knack for beautifully describing things. However, many times, you provide too many details- in brief, you beat around the bush. Writing is not about how well you can describe or how extravagant the words you use are; it's about knowing when to add in and when to cut it out. For instance, in the first chapter's second paragraph, you provided too many details of the . . . clock, and that was unnecessary. 

Sure, the readers surely were impressed, but, I'm looking more on the professional side, you know? The side where wrong is wrong. Too many details could be a bit tiring to read for some readers, and to be honest, at some points, I just wanted to stop reading.

In short, only provide extravagant details which actually help in building up the book.

Grammar & Vocabulary: 16/20

There were little to no errors I noticed in the grammar. However, you really need to work on the sentence constructions. At some points, you failed to use commas, and at some other points, you failed to break sentences and keep them from lagging. Like I already mentioned above, try not to elongate sentences too much.

Then, the usage of commas in a dialogue at the end. I think that you already know this; that you are to use a comma rather than a full stop when you finish a line indirect speech if the sentence isn't completed just yet. You got it right almost everywhere. Almost. Other than that, the grammar part is good to go.

Moving on to the vocabulary, it was good. There were no errors I noticed. Simple, but on point.

Characters & Development: 09/10

The characters were good. The way you've given each character their own spotlight is appreciable. You've also given some importance to other characters in the book other than just the leads- which was well-executed. The development was gradual but noticeable.

Total: 80/100

Final Note: With all honesty, I expected a lot more than what I got after having read the book's synopsis. Maybe you can proofread the chapters and edit out all the errors I mentioned above. Before that, please do not get discouraged or demotivated due to anything I mentioned above. I do not want to sugarcoat my words and make it seem like it's fine. I'm trying to help you and I very much hope this review helped you in some way. Good luck!