CLN's Seasonal Reviews (CLOSED)

You're My Home - by - GeorginiaNelson

 Review was done by badestbitchhh_

Cover:

I like how it gave off a good feeling and was relevant but the font and its color used here...isn't the best. I would suggest you use a little darker color and another cursive font for the title, whereas, for the author's details, I would suggest using a bold font and increasing the size to something more prominent.

Title:  It's simple yet meaningful. It gave off a sweet vibe but from what I read, it wasn't exactly that sweet. I am still a bit confused on what exactly was the connection and I hope it will be explained further ahead.

Description: The description was not that interesting, it did describe the plotting but failed to provoke me into reading it. I would suggest you try adding scenes that are important or write the current description to question the readers and give them moderate suspense.

Plot: The plot seemed pretty simple yet good, I liked how it was constructed. From what I read, it was not cliché but based on a trope and was quite interesting.

Storyline: The activities planned were good but I don't understand why she needs to be a teacher? She can just work as a photographer, earn money and get a studio to keep her artwork.

Dialogue delivery: The dialogues need to be taken care of. I noticed that some of the quotation marks have not been ended, this can confuse the readers. Like, "Do I make you uncomfortable? He looked at me, inquiring about my face
Here, the quotation mark has not been ended hence, confusing me for a while.

Indulgent:  It was nice reading the story and I actually liked it. I imagined and understood the characters, but a bit more information and examples of their life could have helped. Like adding some more information about Gabriel and Michael or giving a glimpse of their life before Lilian came into the picture.

Character development:  The book was good in this aspect and I did like the development. There weren't any exceptional developments but some major ones that were described to it's best.

Pace: The flow of the story was neither too fast nor too slow, I found it accurate and perfect.

Grammar and Vocab:

The use of period (.) is done excessively, you could have just used a comma' or and. For instance: The next morning was a Saturday. I woke up early. The use of "and" instead of a period could have been made after "Saturday"

The sentence structure wasn't the best, there could have been some changes like:: I stood up, plugged my phone into the Bluetooth speaker, and starting my Trap-Saturday-work mood playlist. This could have been, I stood up and plugged my phone into the Bluetooth speaker, whilst playing my Trap-Saturday-work mood playlist.

The tense needs to be taken care of. Taking the previous example, plugged my phone into the Bluetooth speaker and starting my Trap-Saturday-work mood playlist. Here, it should have been "started" instead of "starting"

When you use words like "Uhm" or "uh" or "um" Do not add more than one "h"

When the ellipsis(...) is used, there are only three periods/full stops while in the story, there were places where some extra periods had been added. Like:: "Oh...umm....I guess you can"

Usage of short forms should not be done. Whilst writing, I would suggest using the full forms.

Random capitalization should be taken care of. Whilst writing a sentence, we usually capitalize proper nouns, words that start a sentence, the first word of a quote, time periods, languages, events, and the first word after a colon, though it's not compulsory to capitalize after a colon.

Sense: The story made full sense till now and I hope it will continue to make sense.

Strengths:  Creativity and imagination.

Weakness: The way of expressing it.

Suggestion: I would suggest you read books that have advanced grammar and try writing incidents from your daily life, it will help you get a sharper mind and a broader knowledge of grammar.