CLN's Seasonal Reviews (CLOSED)

In Our Reverie - HNWrite

Reviewer: queenieexxx
Author: HNWrite

Note: This review contains a few details of what happens in the first five chapters and the prologue. So, to any reader: try reading the book first if you were planning on doing so :) otherwise this might spoil it for you.

T I T L E:

Unique. Cute. Sticks to the book's main genre. It is somewhat vague (but I don't think that's an issue). It's great!

C O V E R:

The cover is pretty! The title is clear, and I think the stock picture in the background helps capture some of the blurb's essence. However, the author's name isn't clear. I'd suggest making it bigger or more prominent.

B L U R B:

Your blurb is gripping, but it has some errors that put me off. There are switches in tense, from present to past. Remember to stick to one tense unless the circumstance demands it (ex: the narrator is narrating something from the past, and the story is written in present).

There's also an unnecessary capitalisation of the i in the eighth line.

Also, a suggestion: try to include the main characters' names in your blurb. It isn't necessary, but it would help your readers identify who the story is about, and be more engaged when they start reading.

T H E S T O R Y:

Let's start with the prologue! Greyson used to love his birthday. He met his first love at a birthday party. They dated for four years, then had a bad breakup. Lia (his love) had cheated on him and was pregnant.

All of this is interesting, and sets up a base for the rest of the story, which is great! However, parts of the prose are flowery. This means that some parts of it are over the top and don't contribute to the story. Imagine flowery writing in your story to be like that one kid who does nothing in a group project but still gets their name in the credits section ;)

An example is the very hook of the prologue. You don't need so many vague lines to introduce Greyson's feelings about his birthday party. If you want to emphasize them, I suggest you try describing his emotions, instead of using phrases to describe what a birthday is.

Furthermore, I found quite a few grammatical issues. The tenses were somewhat shaky. It's understandable; switching between past and present tense, especially in a flashback, can be confusing! I'd suggest rereading the chapter to edit those out, and I'll link a few helpful links that can explain it to you <3 I did notice that in the later chapters that your tenses were pretty much spot on, so great job!

However, there was an odd mix of showing and telling. On one hand, you do an excellent job of showing Greyson's inner monologue. On the other, there were several instances of Greyson just stating his emotions. A better way to make the writing more impactful is to follow the rule of showing, not telling. Is Greyson feeling awkward? Try describing something he does when feeling like that (ex: fidgeting with something) instead of just using the word awkward.

I also noticed issues with punctuations. For instance: an ellipse (...) is always three dots. No more, no less. There are multiple ways of writing it (..., . . . , etc.), but the number of dots remains the same. Sometimes, people add a full stop after the ellipse, making it four. But the ellipse itself has just three. I noticed just two dots in some places. I also noticed that there were incorrect comma splices, extra spaces, and a few other errors, so I'd recommend trying to proofread your document. Maybe use an Editing Shop (there are many on Wattpad, I'd recommend CLN's Editing Mechanics!), or an online service, like Google Docs or ProWritingAid!

Your plot itself was fascinating. I loved it, and I can't wait to see what turn it takes!

Your writing style flowed well, and I personally think it was great. 

C O N C L U S I O N:

I think this story was incredibly interesting, and with a few polishes (especially the grammar), will be a fantastic novel! Keep on writing!