Reviewer: Jae_idk
Author: Spinel243
Title:
The title, for me personally, was immediately intriguing. I assume it's a play on a common saying, "on cloud nine", that never really made sense to me. So it gets readers interesting as to what the story's about.
Description:
Good job with the description. It gets readers interested in the story quickly, especially since it's short and straight to the point. It might be a little too short however, I'd recommend lengthening it to give readers a better taste of what's in store.
First 2 chapters:
Description: The first thing that sticks out to me is that there are no details or descriptions in general. Everything's a blur, and it's extremely hard to imagine anything. I'd like to offer a piece of advice I think would be helpful. It's actually quite a common saying in the writing community. "Show, don't tell." So far, that's one of the biggest issues in this book. You're telling readers everything that's happening, not showing them. And that gets old really quickly.
Pacing: This is the second issue I've noticed. The story is way too fast-paced, it's like cramming information from an exam. You don't get to understand the information or details about it, you just absorb it as quickly as possible. Give readers more content to work with each chapter, descriptions would also really help with this.
Characters: Tetra seemed a little childish. Shyness can be expressed in many ways that can be seen as more mature, but this didn't really do it. It's confusing why she cries after leaving Lo willingly, and almost makes her come off as annoying. However, I do understand her motivations for not wanting to move up to cloud 8. I actually quite like that part. It seems like a simple concept to most, cloud 8 is better, the test is easier, so they should try to move up. But Tetra's reasoning is clear, and readers understand her tha way.
World: The rules to this world are very interesting, especially with the Reaping. It's my favorite aspect of this story so far, actually, how this world works and what happens within it.
Romance: I get it was your first time writing romance, but this aspect of the story really didn't do it for me. Tetra already seems to be pretty good friends with Lo, and her shyness comes off as annoying more than anything. It would be better if you made her seem more anxious, self-doubting, or even afraid of rejection, rather than just childishly shy. It makes me think JUST ASK HIM OUT ALREADY and not in a good way. In a "there is literally nothing stopping you just ask him out already" way. I think this is the "Will they, won't they?" trope, but for that to work, there has to be something keeping them apart. A fatal flaw in one of the characters, a secret they're hiding, obstacles from the world around them, something. Not just one character being "shy."
Grammar: The grammar was good, I couldn't really find any mistakes. The sentences are easy to understand, but a little too much so. They're shallow and too simple
The writing style doesn't give the book any depth, it makes it all just seem like words. Not feelings and emotions or events happening to characters.
Chapter 3-5:
Did a really good job describing Tetra feeling claustrophobic in chapter three. As a fellow claustrophobic person with anxiety, I could really feel how suffocating the crowd was.
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CLN's Seasonal Reviews (CLOSED)
Random❝ 𝐈𝐭'𝐬 𝐚 𝐧𝐞𝐰 𝐬𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐨𝐧. 𝐀 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐟𝐞𝐜𝐭 𝐨𝐩𝐩𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐮𝐧𝐢𝐭𝐲 𝐭𝐨 𝐝𝐨 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐧𝐞𝐰. 𝐒𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐛𝐨𝐥𝐝, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐬𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥 ❞ Hello there, youngling! Before you go running along why don't...
