CLN's Seasonal Reviews (CLOSED)

LOD: The return of the dark father

Reviewer: Jae_idk

LOD: The Return Of The Dark Father by Owls1221

Title and summary:

The title could be improved on. Readers have no idea what LOD is or who the Dark Father is, so the title doesn't intrigue them, it just confuses them. A little mystery is always great in books, but there needs to be something for readers to grasp onto at least. The summary is alright, though I'd suggest cutting it down perhaps, keep it a little shorter. You don't have to tell readers everything that's going to happen, just get people curious and intrigued enough to want to read more.

Story/plot:

I liked the idea of the story, I just don't think there was enough of it. There needs to be something more, another conflict, something to add to the story because otherwise it just felt a little empty. A story needs to be established sooner into the book because in the beginning it just felt like reading about these characters wandering about aimlessly. The story gets a bit more complicated later on, but most readers wouldn't stick around that long. I think it would really help if you established some sort of goal or conflict or obstacle sooner into the book.

Characters:

I liked the way the characters' personalities were displayed through their interactions with each other. How Fearian was established to be more irresponsible, and how stressed out Darvin can get when he is irresponsible. I thought that was both funny and realistic, and I'm sure a lot of people with mom friends or are mom friends can relate. I like that aspect of the book, how the characters feel like real people with real personalities.

Character relationships/bonds:

I really liked how you expressed the relationships between characters. Cool older brother freaked out mom friend, close buddies, etc. I think it was my favorite part of reading this, seeing the characters interact with each other with their different personalities in this fantasy world. It felt like they had real bonds and connections, it makes readers feel closer to characters when they feel more human.

Character flaws:

I take back what I said earlier. This was my favorite part of this book. When Fearian is confronted by the king, I absolutely love how he's forced to face the consequences of his own actions head-on. It's established early into the book that he's a flawed character. How he was wrong to endanger the people he cares about, even if he wasn't trying to. I love the raw emotion felt when he was ordered to leave the kingdom, how the first thing he thought of was his family and his son. It was a blow to the gut when the king called him an irresponsible parent and how they don't want his son to turn out like him. I'm gonna be honest, I cried. To be fair, I cry at absolutely everything, but that's still something. To be able to make someone cry by chapter five.

I like the little bit of relief felt when you leave some hope that Fearian will come back eventually. It depends on what your goal was, though. If you want to destroy your readers, no hope, no mercy. And if you still need Fearian to come back you can establish that later once readers get the chance to sob into their pillows. I love it as is though, great scene.

Clarity:

The way sentences were phrased made the story a little hard to understand. I had to read some sentences twice to get them through my head. A quick example from the first chapter is, "To survive, they hunted any species they could find to feed on before the hunger could let their souls escape their bodies." First off, "any species" includes things like plants and microorganisms. I understand English isn't your first language, it isn't mine either, but for a second there the sentence had me wondering if Meanians hunted amoebas. It distracts readers from your actual writing. And it's hard to understand what "let their soul escape their bodies" means, so I'd suggest being a little more direct.

Dialogue:

I love the dialogue in books, but this book kind of overdid it for me. There was a lot of dialogue, though some readers might like that. It isn't a huge problem, personally, I'd prefer if there wasn't so much dialogue, but it could work. Another comment I have is that every character sounds like it's coming from the same voice. I'd suggest thinking over which character would say what more or a particular word a character likes to overuse. We all have our habits in speech, fictional characters can feel more real that way.

Threats/tension:

It could've been written better. Reading about the dark entity, it didn't really sound like a threat. It just feels like some... thing. Readers have no idea what it's going to do if it gets its hands on Fearian, it could be trying to invite him to a tea party for all we know. I'd suggest telling readers more about the entity before we're confronted with it, otherwise, I just started imagining a black blob of goo in the beginning. Not very threatening, unfortunately.

Action:

I wasn't a big fan of the action in the book. It was hard to imagine the scene and kind of felt like a mash of words. I'd suggest writing more about what the character sees, feels, hears, smells, even. Maybe even tastes if you want to make him eat dirt. There are just too many sentences simply stating what's happening. It felt like I was being told what was happening instead of what the character is experiencing if that makes sense. I'd suggest putting yourself in your character's shoes, what they're thinking and feeling in the moment.

Overall:

I wasn't as invested in the story as I hoped I'd be, but it's still a good book. The characters, especially, made it worth reading and the world is clearly thought out. The writing made it a bit hard to get through, though, but it was still an interesting book all in all.