CLN's Seasonal Reviews (CLOSED)

Sundown - by - AdelleDouglass

Review done by: Taebaetae74

Cover: (3.5/05)

I think the idea behind the cover is really creative. But, you could've made it a tad bit more . . . eye-catching. Something that would attract more readers just by looking at the cover. I didn't really get that 'horror vibe' when I looked at the cover, you know? More like a retro theme for a group of friend's get-together. You also could've given the title more importance & made it stand out. Considering how good the book is, it would be a shame if someone were to skip this book because they found the cover not so attractive.

Title: (3.5/05)

It's common. That's the thing. I've come across many books named 'Sundown'. Again, taking the fact that your book is very good into consideration, I think you could've done better with the title. Go for something less common at the same time, something that would give off the vibes the book is supposed to give out.

Synopsis: (06/10)

It was good- but not good enough. It was lacking in some elements. You could've described the theme revolving around the book more. As of now, the synopsis doesn't tell me much about what I can expect from the book, you know what I'm saying? You could've made it more entrancing with more details. Short blurbs aren't 'wrong' or 'bad, but the point is, it all depends mainly on the cover, title & synopsis that readers choose to read your book. So you need to make sure you've done your best here.

Execution: (08/10)

It was executed just fine. The chapters were short of course, but since they provided a good amount of anxiety (don't worry, I'm a sucker for these kind of stuffs-) it can be slipped. Just something I wanted to point out though. Do not mention trigger warning in between chapters. It ruins the flow. You can just mention them in the beginning of the chapter; that there will be mentions of so and so in the second half of the chapter or however it is.

Other than this, you did well.

Plot: (18/20)

The plot was appreciable. Of course, they may be plots similar to this one, but it was well executed. The only errors lay in the grammar & related topics. Other than that, the plot was amazing. No plot holes were noticed & it wasn't too rushed either. So, I don't have much to say on this topic.

Writing Style: (18/20)

It was amazing actually. The only thing is, I feel that you can describe emotions a bit more, you know? Since you write in third person, it's not much of an issue. Small glimpses of emotions & details provided here & there, so as to help readers get a gist of a respective situation in many aspects. As of now, the book is 95% dialogues & 5% descriptions.

But other than that, it was all good. It kept me wanting to read ahead. It didn't get boring. So yeps; good job!

Grammar & Vocabulary: (15/20)

The errors mainly lay in the punctuations. You missed out usage of commas where they were necessary. Needless to say, punctuations like commas help readers to interpret sentences & ideas you try to convey in a better way. Missing out on them would lead to small confusions.

Moving on, I'd like to talk about the ellipsis you use. The universal value of an ellipsis is 3; nothing more, nothing less. You only use two. Another thing is that when you write a word after the usage of ellipsis, do not capitalize its first letter (since it's just the continuation & not a new sentence).

When a line in direct speech is continued in the form of narration, make sure to use a coma before you ending double quotes. Taking this sentence from the prologue as an example- "Hey, she'll come. Don't worry." Aneurin soothed.

Here, there should've been a comma after 'don't worry' rather than a full stop since it's being continued in narration.

Also, do not leave space between a word and its ending punctuation mark (full stop, question mark, exclamatory point, etc.) in dialogues.

There were many points were you interchanged between tenses. If you decide to write in past tense, you might as well stick to it. Don't interchange between them- it's becomes a bit confusing.

That's that regarding grammar. Moving onto the vocabulary; I think it's pretty strong. Not so complicated but not too simple. Almost perfect.

Characters & Development: (08/10)

The characters were good. I feel that you could've provided more details on each of their emotions so that readers can understand more about their personalities, you know? For me, that part was a bit low. Development was executed just fine.

Total: (80/100)

Final Note: To begin with, please do not get discouraged or demotivated due to anything I mentioned above. Keep an open mind & work towards erecting the errors.

Moving on to the book; let me get this straight- I'm a sucker for horror genres. Be it movies or books. I love them. And you book is something I'd definitely read ahead. If I put aside all the errors, it's really good with a good concept- something that's not always accomplished by all authors. So that's a plus. After reading about 2 to 3 chapters, I was wondering why your book is unrecognized. No kidding. These days books with cliché plots & terrible grammar have millions of reads; whereas books like yours are not in the spotlight just yet. But don't worry. You'll get there ;)

Don't hesitate to hit me up if you have any doubts or queries regarding this review!