CLN's Seasonal Reviews (CLOSED)

The Secret In Their Eyes by _Nenny_

Reviewer: chaotic_naturx

 Author: _Nenny_

BEFORE READING

Cover & Title

I like how each of the face claims in your cover look like they have way too many secrets for their own good. It fits perfectly with the title! But, I think the cover needs lots of work. I don't know what it is, but it just looks off. So, maybe play around with the font and color of your title and author name and possible reposition your face claims. Just play around with the cover, move things around, see if you can make it better. You can also visit the cover shop found on CLN's Wattpad profile and one of our graphic designers could do it for you!

Blurb

Okay, so... This blurb needs a hella lot of work. Like, a lot a lot. So, I like the first part of it with Naomi being the "devil's messenger" and whatnot. Love the description there. But, in the next part, there's no mention of the Devil, no mention of being forced to work with him. The chronology of your blurb is all wonky and I don't really know what's happening. All I know for sure is there are murders and Naomi is blamed for them. Try to rewrite this and make it more clear, yes?

WHILE READING

Prologue

So, in my own opinion, the prologue isn't needed, especially when it's literally just a sex scene. It really doesn't add to the plot whatsoever, so it's definitely not needed and can easily be deleted without any disruption to the story, which is what I suggest you do.

Chapter One

Oooooo I'm liking this so far! Love the descriptions in this! And I like how you introduced the crime scene. You really set the scene nicely and presented it just like a cop would think of it! Love it! I think you could do a better job at describing physical attributes though, especially for the living woman. After changing that and a few grammar mistakes, this chapter will be a perfect opening! Much better than the opening you have now anyway (cough the prologue cough).

Chapter Two

I love this book so far! It's great how you went from a crime scene made by some kind of beast straight to two siblings fighting a demon-man. Freaking awesome! And, I'm gonna try not to fangirl about your descriptions, but I'll probably completely fail because they're just sooooo amoozingggg!!!! I loved this chapter to pieces, but there can still be improvements. Like, go into more detail about why Lisa left her step-brother to "die." Maybe also mention these new characters in the blurb so people aren't confused about who they are and why the chapter exists. Also, grammar, grammar, grammar. Basically all your uses of semicolons throughout this whole book are used wrong so change those. And, maybe reword some of your paragraphs so some of them aren't as awkward. Good job with this chapter!

Chapter Three

I'm obsessed with this! So great! I liked getting to know their family a bit better. But, I do have to admit, it's kinda weird that Lisa and Damien are kinda a thing when they're step-siblings. I don't know if it's necessary for that to happen :cryemote: But, putting that aside, great chapter! All the same advice on grammar with commas, semicolons, sentence structure, missing words and word replacements. Twill be purrfection after fixing these things WAHOO

Chapter Four

I just have to say right now that I love these characters! Especially Rule and Marcus. I really want to get to know them better. Hoping I will! So, about this chapter, I liked their little meeting about their imminent doom and all, and all their reactions were key to making readers even more tense about all this. Great chapter! But, it still has the usual grammar mistakes and everything, so be sure to fix those. Now, let me hurry on to the fifth chapter so I can see what happens next!

Chapter Five

So this is where Naomi shows up. I was wondering when she and Declan would actually come into play. Before this, it really seemed like the Cahills were the main characters. I thought it was weird that they weren't in the blurb 😂... But, anyway, love this chapter, love the sheriff and deputy sheriff. Not really a fan of Naomi as of yet, though. The prologue didn't do anything for her character, kinda just made me dislike her. Hope I can grow to like both her and Declan. That is, if they're supposed to be liked. If they aren't, then you're writing this perfectly 🤣... Remember to keep working on those grammar issues and yadyadyadyadyada. And, most importantly, KEEP WRITING THIS OR ELSE... ;)

AFTER READING

Was the story able to capture my attention as a reader?

Is this even a question? HELL YES!!!!

Though, it'd be much much much better without the prologue because that really does nothing for this story. Like, seriously 👀

Editing Advice

So, a word of advice, change pretty much everything about the blurb because nothing in the blurb relates to the first 4 chapters so, yeah, no. Too confusing for readers. Also, add the Cahills' story in there! They're some of the main characters so they deserve a space in the blurb!

Read over your chapters and think about everything I told you with characters and grammar and such and just edit as you go! If you are unable to edit for yourself, you can find an editing book on our profile and you can request for one of our CLN editors to do it for you!

What now?

I will happily continue reading this book for as long as you write it. But, please, please, please don't leave me hanging and u p d a t e. Please and thankiesss WAHOO