CLN's Seasonal Reviews (CLOSED)

Stardust - by - olivesea

Reviewer: violetvint

Title:

4/5

It was pretty nice! It was nice and short, and easy to remember!


Cover-

4/5

The cover matched the vibe of the title! Looking at the cover told me the book would be more of an upbeat/fluff one-shot about bts. It was pleasing to look at! The font was pretty, though the part above the title was too small and it doesn't stand out at all.

At first, I didn't even know it was there. Then when I did, I couldn't read it well. After studying it for a bit, I concluded it said, 'It's never too late to be what you might've been'

I think that part should be bigger and stand out more.


Synopsis-

3/5

The synopsis was fine. It really doesn't give much info about the book. Just a quote.

But when people are talking, you need quotation marks("..."), not apostrophes ('... ').

Even the quote....it really wasn't it. I didn't think it was really intriguing or special. It felt like a cliche quote you'd read in some romance novels.

Also, wherein the book was the quote used???

When having a quote for your synopsis, you can't make it short as you did. Or you can, if it's intriguing.
I understand what you tried to do, but for one-shots, you shouldn't use a quote since it's a bunch of different stories.


Chapter One-

Spelling/ Grammar-

6/10

You drag your sentences for too long.
And also you change tenses. Is it past or is it present? Pick one and stay that way.

While reading chapter one, the errors I found most of were the switching of tenses and the dragging of sentences.

An example:

You wrote- "The thunder roared, this time so loud almost making my ears bleed causing me to cover my ears and squat down, indicating the prince losing his temper and that he is somewhere near."

That was one sentence, and yet while I was reading that, I saw many times you could've broken it down and many times you changed tenses.

In case you don't find any errors even when reading it again, I'll point them out to you:

"The thunder roared, this time so loud almost making my ears bleed."

That could be a sentence. Also, you put roared, as in past tense then put almost making as present tense.

If you want to tell the story in past, (since most of the story was in past tense) I suggest writing something like: The thunder roared, this time it almost made my ears bleed.

The phrase "this time almost making my ear bleed" means that the roar was very loud even louder than other times.

I would suggest going into detail about the roar. A simple, "The thunder roared, this time mightier than the rest that it almost made my ears bleed" would work.

You write your sentences nicely, and I know what you try to say, but I think you should break down your sentences because while reading a long sentence it feels suffocating.

Most of the grammar errors were in the tenses. And I noticed a few parts where commas were needed and weren't.

Like for example:

"With the last step to take, I felt light-weighted, secured between two muscular arms and pressed against a hard surface, my feet dangling in the air."

A comma is needed after taking and instead of the comma after weighted, it should be a period.

I'd describe when she felt light-weighted, like for example: "suddenly I felt light-weighted" or "after I took the last step to take, I felt light-weighted"

The part where he finds her should be a bit more carried out since it's the climax point.

You need more details/descriptions in that part.
She was so close to freedom for it to be snatched away so quickly.

When added more description, I'd suggest something like:

"With the last step to take to freedom, I suddenly felt light weighted. I struggled and tried to kick around, though my feet felt nothing but air.

Two strong muscular arms were secured around me tightly and pressed me against a hard surface."

Something like that. Remember to show not tell.

Doing that tells the reader someone picked her up.


Dialogue-

7/10

There wasn't much dialogue, after all, mostly it was the girl - what is her name?!- (or is it a reader x Jimin?) running away by herself, so of course who else could she have talked to.

Though when there was a dialogue part, you missed punctuation.


Description-

9/10

There weren't many descriptions for the setting, but there were for words. Though it's fine because the plot is more of explaining how things are and thoughts.

You write beautifully and I actually felt and could imagine what you wrote with ease.

And the plot was quite interesting!

You were really good at the description part, though at some parts you needed to describe more/lengthen the parts.


Chapter two-

I was literally so shocked when reading Chapter Two. It was so different from Chapter 1! It was as if someone else wrote it! I was literally so in love when I read for the first time that I caught no errors.


Spelling/Grammar-

9/10

I didn't catch many errors, you wrote really well this time. Though like in the last chapter, commas were needed.


Dialogue-

8/10

Once again you forgot to add punctuations, but the dialogue is so sweet and matches with the descriptions perfectly.


Description-

10/10

I am so in love with the description, I literally burst out of cuteness in this chapter, there was so much love.

Your descriptions are so nicely written, and this is for a sure balanced description of setting and thoughts!

In this chapter your descriptions are immaculate!

Also, his 'imperfect' side is so funny!

Slipping off the stairs and crying at the mom's death for 2 hours and bringing the wrong baby home to play is literally so funny! I love him lmao

But..... who is the guy? I'm pretty sure you didn't mention it. Also, the face of the guy in the picture wasn't shown well. I'm assuming JK was the baby, though then who's the boyfriend?


Chapter 3-

Spelling- 6/10

Dialogue- 5/10

Description- 8/10

Okay, so it was your first time writing, I get it.

From what you gathered in this entire review, I hope you understand what parts you should fix.

There was lots of errors that I could spend time on talking about but I wouldn't really want to spend much time on them, since it'd drag this review for a long time.


•Before a name you should add a comma.
•Puncuation is needed in dialogue.
•Pick a tense.
•Big globs of words lose interest pretty fast. You should break down the big paragraphs.
•Break down sentences, don't lengthen them by commas.
•A comma is needed before dialogue if there is something like: "Jungkook sighed "Alright if you say so...etc"
A comma is needed after sighed and after the world alright.

Also, it was your first time but the descriptions were really nicely written, maybe even too much especially on the kiss scene, but I had a hard time reading because of the big paragraphs.

Honestly, since you have more experience writing now, (referencing chapter two) I honestly say to rewrite it though it wasn't that bad. Just please break down the paragraphs.

Chapter 4-

The beginning was really funny and caught my interest quickly! Though a way to break the fourth wall.

Spelling/Grammar-

8/10

You are super good at spelling, there aren't any errors that I caught, though you still really do have to work on tenses! I say you should pick past tense since most of what you write is in the past tense.

Also, a part where it said, "The house, no scratch that.... etc" It should be: "The house - no scratch that -....etc" since the scratch that is interrupting the house part. If you understand what I'm indicating.

And once again, commas are needed


Dialogue-

9/10

The dialogue was so funny! Though I recommend that maybe you should use italics when it's dialogue of thoughts.


Description-

9/10

The description was really nice! Though please break down the big paragraphs, my focus wavered when I saw big paragraphs of description. You do have a nice talent for describing/detailing settings and words.

Also, why is there so much paragraph space between the paragraphs? Like a double space is good, I'm pretty sure you space 3-4 times, and they are mostly used when there's a time gap.

Also the annoying conscious is hilarious! And especially the fights, lmao!

The plot was amazing, but she died!!!! That's so sad. But who was she trying to prove she was brave enough to go in, though?

She deserved it for being stupid like everyone in horror movies honestly. Especially after complaining about how stupid they were. Very ironic.


Chapter 5-


Spelling/Grammar-

7/10

The spelling was okay like always, I didn't catch any errors. Though just to be safe, I recommend using a spell check.

On one part: "Oh so now you play innocent I see how it is."

A comma is needed after oh and innocent.


Dialogue-


I'm sorry but why things like, Holy Mushrooms and Cabbages?
It makes me cringe, though I guess for other people it might seem funny to them.

Anyways, in this story here, it was longer than the rest, though it was nicely written except, what displeased me was that she acted so strong and came off independent and queen like, then when she saw him she kind of got lost in his looks. It was really cliche. Also why did she just come up to him like that. Like insulting him basically and kicking him out of the village. Like I understand why, but it was embrassing on her part.

And then, is it first pov, or third pov. Switching up on pov is worse than switching up on tenses. Especially because people can notice the mistake easier.

And honestly, it would be more understanding if she was the village chiefs daughter, since she went up to the guy and talked in a way as if she was the leader of the village.

Also, the dialogue was a bit fast paced.


Description-

8/10

The description was nice and simple! It was nicely balanced since this chapter was more of a dialogue one!


Chapter 6-


Spelling/Grammar-

7/10

So this was a nice blurb! It was really intriguing!
There was some errors, like tenses and lack of commas, and big paragraph spaces.


Dialogue-

8/10

It was so heartwarming! Also the director and the male lead loving the female lead seems interesting. If you made it into a story, I think the director would be biased to the male lead even before he found out the male lead liked the female lead. Like giving him bad parts and letting him eat last or making him pay for food and stuff. It would honestly be funny. If you do make a story about it, I'd like to read it!

Description-

8/10

The description was nicely balanced with the words.


Honestly, since this was a one-shot with different stories, I tried to go into detail about each and every chapter and tried to treat it as a mini-story.


Writing Style -

9/10

Your writing style is nice, you have a talent for describing things, sometimes too much or too little, but still it's really nice! Though it caught me off guard at how chapter 1 had such a different style than chapter 2, and how was chapter 3 your first time writing? I don't understand.


Focus-

7/10

Most times, my focus was spot on, except when you described things too much or had big paragraphs. Or when you used too many commas. I said it before, but commas are like little breaks to catch your breath in a sentence. But too much is overwhelming. Though if you use too many periods, it's uncomfortable.

I suggest reading a few articles on where and when to use commas.


Plot-

9/10

The plots were so nice! My favorite was either chapter 2 since it was so wholesome or chapter 4 since it was funny but had a mix of a dark side to it. Though the others were nice to read and I liked all of them!


Creativity-

10/10

You're super creative with your plots! And especially with the description! Your work is actually really underrated!


Overall-

189/240

Overall it was a really nice one shot! I enjoyed it a lot, and having different genes to change it up a bit was interesting! But honestly, if you may, could you write a book about chapter 1? It seems really intriguing and I'd love to read it! Also it's my type, lmao. I hope this didn't discourage you to write or anything, and I hope you improve from this review!