CLN's Seasonal Reviews (CLOSED)

Mysteries and Mayhem - AdriannaRaines3172

REVIEW DONE BY: AimForTheTop

Mysteries and Mayhem :

To speak generally, after reading the first 5 chapters + the prologue, I intend to say that your writing style is unique and tends to keep the readers at the edge of their seat, and that is what a mystery/thriller writer is all about, so in a way, you nailed the writing style.

Chap 1 :

This one definitely cleared the story's events, I can see you worked well on the character's design you showed the trays of personality each protagonist has and that's important, you even tried describing their appearance but I'd like to point out, you described the hair mostly, and only the girls so maybe next time you can put more effort in the clothes and the boy's appearance is also important.

I can also see you get into character well, you seem to have balanced the dialogue between the heartless and heartbroken, and it was all from the same POV, but next time you might wanna explain more about the feelings, you said that Morgan was Rose's boyfriend and he was surprised she broke up with him, but then his personality flipped into basically saying she's a player, in my opinion describing his pain and then his will to get over things and expose her real motives would be a better option. You can say that he was heartbroken but he didn't want to be a pawn or something that comes close to this meaning.

But there are also some places where the usage of words didn't seem right, like instead of saying "he deserves to get punished" you could rephrase that as in "he deserves punishment" or if you insist on the "get" part you could say "he deserves to receive punishment".

Also there's the sentence "i'm not taking sides" the word "picking" hits harder and fortifies the sentence

Chap 2 :

This one is up to a good start, the nightmare you describe seemed as real as it gives, I also can see that you worked really hard on the description and am happy to announce you reached your goal, you got the hang of it. I also noticed that unlike in the first chapter you did describe the clothes. That's a progress. But pay attention, there is a deadly repetition of the word "wore" in the same paragraph that can bother the readers. Besides being a great chapter these are the few things I suggest you keep an eye on. Also before jumping to a 2 months gap, the feelings and regret Rose felt should've been exposed a little bit more, and then go on with the action.

Piece of advice, read your chapters carefully before publishing there are a few typos like "fashion disaster" and you meant "disaster" and the "had it been" should be replaced by "has it been any easier for me".

Besides all these minor mistakes the cliffhangers are pretty good, and you tend to play with the readers emotions, which is a talent very few people have.

Chap 3 :

The description of feelings here is perfect, you gave the vibe of Rose being a burden, and it was honestly better than the past chapters.

Plus adding latin helps keeping up with the credibility of the story, so to be 100 % honest with you here, this chapter surpasses the others, perhaps it is because it's how the adventure begins.  But I prefer if you changed "my mom won't lie" to "my mom wouldn't lie" since the mother has already passed away.

The chapter of Rose's true identidy's revelation is a good one followed by the ritual, you described it well, and put your mind into the revelation, we finally understand, I can see this book is well thought through, you already chose the actions and path it shall cross and are walking towards it.

This book definitely is one I would read no doubt about it, despite some minor details missing or some grammar mistakes, the vocabulary is good, the words express exactly the situations you are describing, and with a little bit of editing, this book is easily one of the best mystery/thriller I read so far. I will most probably keep up with it's update.

Hope you weren't let down by your work.