CLN's Seasonal Reviews (CLOSED)

Paralyzed Love - softyhartz

Book Title and Author: Paralyzed Love by softyhartz
Reviewer: Molly-Mae  - rearlights

TITLE

When I take a look at the title of a piece of writing, I always take note of my thoughts about it before I read the actual story, and then once I've read enough of the piece to get the general gist of the story. In this case, when I first read the title, without any background knowledge about the book, I had come to the conclusion that it was some kind of metaphor. Something that described the relationship, or the "love" between a character and another character (or a character and an object or vice versa). After reading the synopsis of the story, it was surprising to see that it was also literal, as one of the characters is paralyzed. So I really like that both the literal and metaphorical meaning of it align very nicely with the story.

COVER

The cover is amazing - personally, I love it! It's very simplistic and eye-pleasing. The font is very well centered and gentle on the eyes. On point colors. I could go on and on about this but as you and I would both like to focus on other things, moving on.

SYNOPSIS

This was written so, so beautifully. It introduced the main characters in such a refreshing way, describing their struggles in a way that makes the reader really sympathize with them. And then it takes those qualities and makes us question how they'll get through everything together. When I first read it, I was immediately hooked. Very nice way to introduce everything - I'm sure it's what really sold this book in a deserving manner.

WRITING STYLE

The writing in this book could be improved. I don't think it did the synopsis justice, because the writing there had set me up for high expectations. When I started reading, I was let down to find a lot of grammatical errors, repetition, quite a lot of run-on sentences, and more telling than showing. Ava did this. Then Ava did this. This is not only repetitive, but it doesn't seem to be showing us more than telling. The first example I found of this was in the first paragraph:

"Ava is browsing Google. She doesn't like being here, in a classroom with people's chattering and Ms. Heith's brittle voice saying all the cliché instructions. Ava is not likely to work with people, she'd rather live in the library and bury herself with books."

We read for the feels. But when a book is written like this, it sounds more like an informative piece - and those get extremely tedious. So to fix this paragraph, describe the chatter around Ava. Describe the glare of the screen as Ava browses Google, the ache in her eyes, the light pounding starting to form in her temple from Ms. Heith's instructions. Make your readers feel what Ava feels.

GRAMMAR/VOCABULARY/SPELLING/PUNCTUATION

Now this section goes hand in hand with the writing style. But as you've already gotten a lot of advice for grammar, I'm not going to linger here any longer than to offer just a couple words of advice. Your piece has a lot of grammatical errors. But what I mainly want to focus on is the exceeding amount of run-on sentences. The places where your sentences can be divided into two separate ones, you divide with a comma. For example, "Ava is not likely to work with people, she'd rather live in the library and bury herself with books." This could very easily be divided like this, "Ava is not likely to work with people. She'd rather live in the library and bury herself in books." So try going through your writing again to separate the sentences properly.

PLOT

I didn't need to read too much of the book to realize the powerful message in your writing. I've seen a lot of mental health problems in books and how to tackle them - as they're what this generation relates to the most - but coming to terms with a physical deficiency is something different. It shows the struggle of how your own body fights against you, and that's a difficult topic for authors. So I'm glad that you had the courage to take this on and write it in your own, unique way. I only read a couple chapters of the beginning before skipping to the concluding chapters, but I didn't see a lot of how Jesse embraced his lack of a physical feature. I think that would definitely make the story so much better, and send out an even more invincible message to everyone.

CHARACTERS

From the chapters that I've read - a couple from the beginning and a couple from the end - I've only really met Ava and Jesse. I love Jesse's character. He's extremely funny and despite his physical altercation, he's still able to keep his initial humorous personality. Most times, something like that would totally take a person's character and twist it to make them bitter about everything. But I love the fact that you stood by Jesse's personality even with him being paralyzed. I don't see that often and it's refreshing to read about someone who literally spells out abbreviations like L-O-L rather than a bitter male character that hates everything about the world.

As for Ava, I am a little disappointed by how her character is written. You don't want to make your main character a flat, cardboard cutout. I have nothing against having a main female lead that's shy, keeps to herself, and loves books (even though that no longer remains very original, but you can't really help who you are). However, these specific qualities of hers weren't executed very well. For example, Ava is a shy girl. A recluse. She doesn't approach people because she prefers to keep to herself. However, in the second chapter, when Ava catches sight of Jesse and his group of friends in the cafeteria, she doesn't hesitate very much before heading towards them and making conversation. For someone who's an introvert like Ava, they would probably overthink it...a lot. They would fidget in place and completely loathe the idea of approaching such a large group of people they didn't know. It probably would've been a little believable if it were just Jesse. But it was him and his entire circle of friends. And she had no problem talking with them - no second-guessing or any of her shy qualities described in the first chapter.

I was also not very fond of the sudden panic attack that creeped up on Ava in the same chapter. I've never had a problem with this myself, so I wouldn't know for sure. But it seemed very unrealistic. One of my friends, who I've lost contact with over the years, had anxiety. She would often need to escape to the bathroom to wait them out, but she usually described them as suffocating. Now I know everyone's experience might be different with this. For some people, the panic attack might slowly make their move - like it did for Ava - and for others, it might show up abruptly out of nowhere. In Ava's case, there should have been a better description for the tell-tale signs of the panic attack before it came, since it had slowly sneaked up on her and she had felt it.

You need to show it happening (and this brings me back to my point of showing, not telling). Describe her sweaty, damp palms as she wipes them on her jeans. Describe the way her heart speeds up to the rhythm of the chatter in the cafeteria. Describe the way her ears muffle all outside noise, leaving only the rapid beat of her heart. Describe the way she barely hears herself excusing herself from the table. Describe the shortness of breath as she rushes to the nearest bathroom. Show her panic attacks as much as you can. Show her learning ways to tame them as the story progresses. This will build on her character immensely and you'll definitely see the beneficial difference it makes.

ORIGINALITY

Again, I want to mention that Jesse's character is very likable and refreshing to read. I'm satisfied with the way he's not a brooding male character because he can't use his legs. He's maintained his personality, character, and ethics through all the burdens and I love how I've seen this in your book! As for Ava, as far as I've read, her character is the typical introverted, book-loving main character, and though there's nothing wrong with that, try adding some unique qualities to her so she can be her own person.

OVERALL IMPRESSION

Overall, this book has a very entertaining but meaningful approach to it. It was difficult to get through the book with all the grammatical errors but I know if it's improved, the writing would be so much better and would definitely convince me to read on.

As for what this book is about, the writing explores both mental and physical health but balances all the darkness of those topics with just the right amount of humor. I'm glad to see that it isn't extremely depressing like most books I've read that have a main character struggling with their health. It would be uncomfortable for a person to be in that position, but when a book constantly delves deeper into the darker meaning of things and doesn't include any sort of lightness or humor to balance it, not only does the writing become depressing, but it's also tedious enough to turn away readers.

That's why I'm so amazed by this book. However, if the grammar mistakes could be fixed, and the book could start to show more than tell, I'm sure it would be phenomenal.