CLN's Seasonal Reviews (CLOSED)

Another path to success - by writesthetic

REVIEW DONE BY : AimForTheTop

Cover :

The book's title is "another path to success" everyone has a different meaning to success in their life, it depends on their dreams and passions, these are what affects our decision in life, in your cover i saw none of it, there is no celebration there is no clue what that success may be, and adding the faces of the characters made it a big mess, it's a crowded cover and all the elements are no longer clear, i'd suggest you go for something simple.

Summary :

Amethyst and Natasha are two young girls with different views of success in one's life, they both meet and affect each other, including the meaning success holds.

I understood that from the blurb after reading it several times, it wasn't clear enough, more like it was confusing, you repeated the name Natasha so many times instead of just replacing it by a simple pronoun.
Basically it sais that when Natasha meets Amethyst she's doubtful, yeah okay but of what exactly ? Then there's the repetition where you said, "can natasha..... or will natasha" use pronouns instead "can natasha..... or will she"

1st 2 chapters ( success ) :

I find it rather concerning that your characters aren't really yours, when a writer wants to wrote a book, everything in the book should be totally theirs, from characters development to actions and events, it has to be fully a writer's world that is being written and imaged throughout the book, when you ask the readers to fill in what your characters will be this creates a disconnection, you're not hosting some kinda awards, you are writing characters that have personality and somehow reflect society's social relationships.

Prologue :

First off, why are there two prologues ? You have 2 characters, their points of view should be connected not broken apart by two prologues, and in one book we usually have one prologue, since it is a sneak peek chapter not a casual one. You can use different POVs if you want, but two prologues is simply a no no.

The way this chapter started made me think they were in a hospital, seeing some character blunted they had both good and bad news. It gave off the wrong impression, you could make it a normal scene where there is a mother-daughter talk, about success and dreams that will be achieved, but saying that they have news gives off a "hospital" situation.

Natasha's mother didn't give me a "mom" vibe. I can see she wants her daughter to pursuit her dreams, but there were no hugs, no affection, no realistic interaction between them, by that i mean we didn't see a real life relationship represented there, all we saw was merely you hinting they were related.

Also this chapter isn't worthy of being called a prologue. Usually, a prologue is a sneak peek into the chapters to come, it triggers the readers and makes them want to know how the protagonist got to that moment in time, and to that position. Your prologue was pretty much a normal chapter, or should i say your prologues, since you wrote two, there is no purpose in that, you can simply replace it by POV or if you wanna keep the normal POV going, you can add something like that
" meanwhile a few blocks ahead in the house of Amethyst..." and then continue. My point is, these two chapters shouldn't split or be prologues.

For the second prologue, ( which shouldn't even be existent in the same book ) you did the same mistake, the mother didn't have a motherly figure, the feelings were extinct from the dialogue. Like come on, your daughter is growing up and is gonna be an exchange student hosted by complete strangers, so wouldn't the mother at least shed one tear or two ? Nor heartwarming goodbye ? It's all just neutral.

And both prologues started with the same writing style, i saw no difference.

Chapter 1 :