I don't wanna lose control

failing

"-And Marinette, I would like it if you could stay after class. I need to speak with you."

I looked up from my planner, wondering why Mrs Bustier wished to speak with me. I hadn't handed in my homework for a while but that was because it was sat on my desk in a pile collecting dust. Even then, it wasn't serious enough to warrant more than a few harsh words at the end of the class. Mrs Bustier had shown before she had no problem with speaking up about homework in front of others.

No matter the problem, I hoped she would be fast. There was likely to be another akuma attack tonight and I still haven't completed the homework from a week ago, I thought as I brushed my fringe out of my eyes.

Mrs Bustier dismissed everyone else with a wave of her hand and a reminder to read chapter twelve of our history text books before tomorrow. I felt Alya tap my shoulder and gesture that she would wait outside. I watched Adrien as he left.

I still couldn't believe it. I knew Adrien and Kagami were close obviously, but there was still a small part of me that held out hope he would fall for me too. The news came last week. Teenage model Adrien Agreste dating fencing partner Kagami Tsurugi. Alya and Nino love her. Over the weekend they went on a double date.

I rubbed my eyes again and tried to remove the picture of Kagami's face from behind my eyelids. I couldn't hate her, not really. But it wasn't fair. Nothing in my life is ever fair.

I walked towards Mrs Bustier's desk, my flats sounding against the polished floor. She looked up from the papers she was sorting before placing them back down again.

"You wanted to speak to me Mrs Bustier." I fiddled with the strap of my purse and tried to steel myself for what was to come.

"Yes Marinette... It's about your grades. You are failing in nearly all your subjects. Is everything okay at home, if you need any help with anything the school can help you. You have to understand Marinette, all we want to do is hel-"

I was crying. I could feel the tears slowly escaping my eyes and dripping down my face.

"I'm sorry Mrs. I have been... Preoccupied lately. My- my friend Luka moved recently and I tend to have to help a lot at this time of the year in the bakery. I have just been trying to do so much, too much and I need to be more organised." I was rambling and panicking and scared.

"Marinette. I am going to trust you to to try and fix this. Alya is doing good in most of her subjects. Get her or any of your other friends to help you. I'm sure your parents will understand and help too. But don't overwork yourself. However; I am afraid to say that if your grades don't get any better I am going to have to directly intervene. Things like professional tutors from the school, more homework, summer school and weekend lessons. Please don't make me resort to having to give you these things."

I nodded and slipped out of the classroom. Alya was still stood there, pretending not to have heard the conversation.

"Hey girl, me, Nino, Adrien and Kagami are gonna go get ice cream. Do you want to come?"

I looked at her. She looked sad at the idea of me failing classes. She looked more sad because I never hung out with them anymore.

"No, I need to do some revision."

Brush her off. Brush off the pity and the 'I'm sorry's'. I sighed and walked away. Being a fifth wheel sucked especially when one of the couple's is your crush and someone who is ten times more perfect than you.

I reached the exit only to find rain pouring in thick sheets and collecting on the ground in puddles. It had been sunny this morning, the day bright and full of expectations. Crazy how quickly things change. I pulled my bag off my back and searched around for my umbrella before realising I had left it at home. I sighed and stepped out in the rain. I didn't want to go home.

Home to my parents with their sad eyes. Home to my room full of homework. Home to my problems. A room still plastered with his smiling face because I still can't let go and the other boy's songs and note sheets pinned in the blank spaces. A photo of me and my friends. A room of disappointment.

I walked down the steps at the front of the school and went in the opposite direction of home. I allowed the rain to soak my clothes and chill me to my bones. I walked until I found myself at the base of the Eiffel tower.

In the low, Thursday gloom very few tourists gathered near it, giving it an almost peaceful look. Of course, the akumatisations have increased and decreased tourism at the same time. Obviously, seeing real life superheroes is on the to-do list for almost everyone but, the possibility of being hurt and also akumatised yourself was quite a big risk to take.

I stared at the looming giant of metal in front of me. It reminded me of everyone. Of Adrien and Luka and my friends but mostly of Chat Noir. My partner. The other superhero of Paris. He and I had grown distant recently. His flirting had ceased to exist. He always seemed in a rush and really, he didn't seem to care that much anymore. Mind elsewhere. I guess chat must love being in his civilian form more than his superhero form. Can't relate.

I shivered, the rain getting heavier and the day getting darker. Mum and Dad will be wondering where I am. Wondering why my grades are so low. I held my head in my hands, my tears mingling with the heavier onslaught of rain.

Things would be so much easier if I was just Ladybug and not Marinette.