I don't wanna lose control

negatives

Marinette's pov

I walked inside the bakery, the warmth from the ovens opposing with my cold, wind-swept face. The bakery was quiet, as it always was before closing time and dad was sat behind the counter reading something on his phone.

"Did you have fun with your friends?" He asked, looking up from his phone.

"Yes it was great! And Luka has come back from Canada! Oh dad, you don't know how happy I am!" I squealed as I made my way to go upstairs.

"That's good Marinette. Remember, don't stay up too late, you have school tomorrow."

"Dad! It's only six besides, it's Friday tomorrow."

"Still Marinette. Don't forget you are still quite far behind with your grades."

Right, my grades. It was something I had forgotten about with all the excitement about Luka.

"I know dad. But its getting better."

He smiled at me and i made my way upstairs and into my room. I don't know where mum was.

My room was slightly messy from how I had left it in my slight rush that morning and my window was open, cold air rushing in from outside. I looked at it oddly. I could have sworn I didn't open that this morning I thought as I leaned to pull it shut. That was strange.

Guessing that mum just opened it during the day for some reason, I flipped down onto my desk chair and breathed a sigh of relief.

"See what I meant Marinette, today went great!"

"I know Tikki! I'm so relieved. Luka is back, Adrien stood up to Chloe, I hung out with my friends again and I didn't have one of my weird attacks!" I smiled with glee and flung my arms out around me. "Today was awesome."

It was awesome. It had been anyway. But there was something nagging me though I could not out my finger on it. Something just felt wrong. I thought back through the day though nothing seemed too out if place except Adrien. Ugh, Adrien.

I span round on my chair to look at my wall covered in photos of him.

"Are you going to let go of him Marinette?"

"I don't know Tikki. I've liked him for so long but he has never noticed my feelings let alone liked me back. Alya always tells me it's because he is oblivious and new to everything with friendships and relationships but really, it's my fault. If I could have just been brave enough to admit my feelings I would not be so heart broken."

"But Marinette, what about Luka? You like him too right?"

"Very much Tikki, and it's not one sided this time. I know he likes me back. So why can't I just, say it? Why is it so hard for me to confess to people?"

"Don't be too hard on yourself Marinette, you know what happened last time."

I sighed and looked at the time on my phone. 6:30.

"It'll be dinner soon. Do you want a cookie?"

"Oh yes please Marinette!" I smiled lightly at her and went downstairs to get one, hoping someone would have started making our own dinner and that maybe I could help out.

Chat Noir's pov

Paris in winter is a lonely place. Despite the respite from the rain and the storms, the one thing that didn't let up was the coldness which chilled you to the very bone. When we wake up tomorrow, the world will be covered in frost and ice i thought as I skimmed my boot on the tiles of a roof though was careful as to not disturb the shingles.

I needed a break from being Adrien for a bit so here I sat, Chat Noir just chilling in the breeze.

"Everyday...after a mission with M'lady" I sung the words hushed but my voice carried out into the cold night.

I sat down on the edge of a building, the Eiffel tower in view, rising above the other houses and shops.

"I ask for a minute of her time... But she leaves me alone...on the roof" I swung my legs as a cold wind tousled my hair, making it messier than before.

"I'm just a little kitty on a roof... All alone without his lady..." I could feel my eyes beginning to water.

"Every day...she leaves me on the roof... All alone without his lady..." I sniffed quietly, attempting to mute my sobs.

"I'm forever alone..." I paused to breathe out, my feelings becoming too much. Why didn't she love me?

"I'm forever a little kitty on a roof... All alone without his lady..."

My words trailed off into the darkness. The night held them in her arms and cradled them. The moon watched over them as they lingered in the air around me. My eyes were stinging from crying. Was I not enough? Not enough for my mother? My father? My friends? Am I not enough for Marinette?

I thought about this morning and how she had kept me sane with her kind words. I thought if how I told Ladybug that i loved her and I do, I really do. I thought of what Alya said.

Everyone who I have told, Alya, Ladybug, Marinette herself told me to be truthful and follow my heart and be myself but I just couldn't. I look into her eyes and my words get stuck in my throat. She smiles and I forget how to breathe. When Im Adrien, I'm not smooth like Chat Noir. Why is this suddenly so hard all of a sudden?

I layed backwards into the roof tiles and stared at the darkened sky. If Paris weren't so bright, I would be able to see the stars. But I can also see them in Marinette's eyes when she smiles and laughs. She has such kind eyes.

I turned over and huddled into myself, the wind picking up around me. Marinette's smile. She was so happy around Luka earlier. She doesn't smile like that around me. Maybe I don't have any chance with her at all.

Maybe being myself and following my heart and telling the truth isn't enough. What if she doesn't love me anyway. And that was when I decided that the only thing I wanted was for Marinette to be happy.