I don't wanna lose control

good byes

Marinette's pov

I was bored of lying down. Earlier I had pulled open the trap door above my head and now I layed, staring into the cloudy sky. I liked to believe that I could see shapes in the clouds but in all honesty, all I could see was a cool mixture of greys. The cold wind rushed into my room but I didn't feel cold. I felt... I don't know how I felt. Perhaps empty? Perhaps lonely? Perhaps... Well perhaps, in that moment, I felt nothing.

Chat had returned me home and after a lot of convincing, mum didn't take me to hospital. I couldn't deal with the sterile environment for another night.

In all honesty I felt fine. Physically that is. The aching which had over taken me was gone and I knew now, that soon it would be over. After the fight, I had wondered how much longer this pain would last but I knew it was coming to an end. My complection looked normal. My heart no longer heart. And the ladybug in my arm? Well that was gone.

It was strange to run my hand over my arm and not feel the small bump there. But the infection had passed. I was fully healed. Physically yes. Mentally not so much.

My mind hurt from thinking. Thinking about Chat's desperateness and Luka's recklessness. Thinking about how good it was to be in Chat's arms. And how stupid I was to believe Adrien would care. I hadn't seen him since the time in the library. He hasn't come to visit me or to make sure I was safe. He promised not to leave me. And yet where was he now?

Luka had phoned me. He told me that he was lucky that the miraculous ladybugs had healed him. He also told me that he would come and visit me soon. He sounded guilty. I didn't know what for.

Tikki had been quiet. She stayed on the other side of the room, half asleep half keeping an eye on me in case of an emergency. Luka had been back what? Two days? And yet he had stirred up so much and reminded me of so many feels I had kept under wrap.

Luka... Made me feel strange. I can talk to him unlike Adrien. Why can't I talk to Adrien. Why can I talk to Luka. I sighed and suddenly realised I had been doing a lot of that lately. Sighing. I pouted and looked back up to the sky. I hoped it wouldn't rain.

"MARINETTE, LUKA IS HERE!" Mum's voice carried up the house and I sat up in bed to see the other trap door in my room opening.

"Hey Mari." Luka walked into the room and smiled at me. He looked tired but happy.

He wondered over to me and held his hands out to help me out of bed. He smiled at me softly but sadly. He looked like he was about to cry.

"Hi Luka." My feet touched the ground and I looked up into his eyes.

"I'm sorry Mari."

I tipped my head to the side and watched as he turned away from me and towards the window. 

"Sorry for what?"

"Everything and for what I am about to do."

"Look, Luka, if you are talking about you running into a burning building well... I think it was extremely stupid and reckless," I looked up from the spot I was staring at on the floor, "but also really brave too."

I looked up and smiled at him but he didn't smile back.

"It's not just that but, it makes me feel a lot better about it. Well... You see Marinette I know I have only been back for a couple days but, one of my teachers showed this producer my music. He, thinks it's really good. He's offered me a record deal!"

"Luka! That's amazing! I'm so happy for you!  When, when is the recording happening. Is he coming here or..."

"Yeah, that's the thing that I'm sorry about. I have to go back." Luka looked down at his feet and I frowned.

"For how long?"

"If the producer likes my work well, he said he wanted to do all the promotional stuff in Canada and- I don't know when Mari."

"What about... What about us?"

"I don't know Mari, you said you didn't want to rush into things. And if I'm going to be on the other side of the world and my music finally starting to lift off. I don't think I'll-"

"You don't think you will have time for me?"

"No! That's not it Mari!"

"It's okay, I get it. This is great for you Luka. I'm so, so happy for you. This is your dream." I picked up his hand and held it lightly.

Holding back my tears I smiled back up at him.

"I am so happy for you."

"Thanks for your support Marinette. I really needed this. My flight leaves tonight and I need to pack. Marinette i- I love you." He kissed the back of my hand lightly and left with a smile on his face.

As soon I heard the door shut I broke down. I was finally moving on. Why now?

I AM SORRY LUKANETTE SHIPPERS DONT HURT ME I LOVE YOU.