I don't wanna lose control

I'll hold you

Marinette's pov

I walked out of the airport and wrapped my scarf further around my neck. I hadn't meant to say that. I had meant to tell Luka I would wait for him because honestly, who else is going to love me? Adrien has his eyes set on another girl and Chat Noir has lost his romantic feelings for ladybug. If before I thought I was alone, now I really do not have anyone.

My hair ruffled in the freezing wind and I pulled it out of my bunches and allowed it to fall in front of my face. I don't like it when people see me cry. It was colder than ever and Christmas was drawing ever closer. Mum and Dad were leaving tomorrow to travel to find a sustainable Coco farm who they could partner with for the bakery. It was a great opportunity for them. Not so much for me. The bakery will be closed for a week and I would be left alone for a week.

Mum had been hesitant about leaving me again but I managed to convince her. I'm hoping they will be too busy tonight packing and stressing about forgetting things that they won't notice me feeling upset. No one ever really notices anyway. Smile and walk on.

I finally made it out of the airport which felt as thought it had been closing in on me and went to wait in Alya's mum's car for her to take us home when I heard someone call my name.

"Hey, Mari?" It was Adrien.

I hastily wiped away my tears and turned to him with a big smile.

"Hi Adrien, I didn't notice you leave." I said and watched as he got up from leaning against the wall and walked over to me.

"Mari, I know you have been crying."

"Gah, is my face all red and puffy or, or are my eyes red?" I panicked and tried to look at my reflection in the window behind him.

"Nah, I can just tell. Always have been able to."

"Right, when will the gorilla be here to pick you up?"

"I have another ten minutes or so, do you - maybe - wanna talk about it? You don't have to if you don't want to but I told you that you could always tell me anything. Oh, actually you probably won't remember that but-"

"You were dripping water all over the floor when you told me that."

"Huh?"

"You wanted... Ginger bread? No, croissants. Because they are Kagami's favourite and you had practice the next morning."

"You remember that?!"

"Kind of," I thought about the memory. It was hazy and a little bit muddled because bits were missing but I remembered the basics of it, "my memory is... Still mostly gone."

"Is there anything else you can remember Mari?"

"I was sad Adrien. Really, really sad. My life was falling apart and I couldn't do anything to stop it. I don't want to fall apart again Adrien." I was crying again and when Adrien put his arms around me, I didn't hesitate to hug him back.

Because Adrien, Adrien is a great friend.

A couple minutes later I pulled away from the hug and wiped my eyes with a laugh.

"I'm such a cry baby."

"Mari, if people don't express their emotions and bottle them up they will eventually explode. There isn't a problem with you crying, it doesn't mean you are weak."

"You sound exactly like one of my other friends, always telling me how strong and amazing I am."

"But you are Mari. You are amazing. You sweet and funny and are extremely talented."

"Don't Adrien."

"Don't what Mari? Tell the truth?"

"No, don't make me feel as though I have a chance because I know I don't. You are too kind and speak your mind which is a great quality but sometimes you don't think of the effect of your words." I stepped back from him and gave him a smile, "I'll see you for school on Monday. Have a good rest of your weekend."

I turned around walked over the Alya's mum's car and she unlocked the doors for me to get in.

"Are you okay Marinette?"

"I'm fine Mrs Césaire, thanks for asking. Alya and Nino shouldn't be long."

I sat back against my seat and stared out of the window. They were tinted so I was quite sure Adrien couldn't see me watching him. He keeps doing this, making me feel as though I have a chance with him and then I remember, he loves another girl. Even if she doesn't love him back. I get how he feels, kind of, but it seems almost impossible for someone not to like Adrien. He is Adrien Agreste after all. The kindest, sweetest, most perfect human. Who doesn't love me. Who calls me a friend.

I got home a half hour later and waved off Alya and Nino as they left for a date at the cinema. From outside I could hear dad and mum stressing about what to pack for the trip and I opened the door and breathed in the scent of baking.

"I'm back."

"Oh hello Mari, do you mind passing me that book over there? It contains all our recipes including chocolate." Mum asked as she packed a waterproof coat into her suit case.

"Sure mum." I replied and handed her the book. "I'm going to head upstairs to stay out of your way."

"Okay sweetheart. Are you sure you are okay? You haven't had another one of your attacks have you?"

"No mum, I think I've finally gotten rid of those. Plus I must've not gotten any bad injuries yesterday. I feel great."

"That's good to hear-" there was a loud crash from the kitchen and a squawk. "Tom what did you do?"

Mum left to find out what my father had broken and I trudged upstairs into my bedroom. I was finally going to do it. Tikki watched, mildly concerned as I got a shoe box and placed it on my desk.

"It's time Tikki, I'm going to do it."

And I removed the first picture I stuck on my wall, of Adrien posing for Gabriel Agreste's winter collection from two years ago.

"One down, a couple hundred to go."

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