If Only Love ✔️

chapter eleven

Me:hello
June : what happened?
Me: you were right
I felt my tears start to build up in my eyes.
June: right about what. Did he do something?
I explained everything the best way I could. And there was alot of crying involved.
June: I will be on my way tomorrow.
Me: no, no, no. I'm fine and can handle this. You and Josh have plans don't let my little sad story end your plans. I will be fine I promise.
June: on one condition. Calls every day and if I just sense you are not okay I'm on the next flight to you.
We talked some more and she filled me in on how things were going with Josh.
The next few days I spent most of my days in my room, only Miguel would come and drag my behind to get some fresh air. May and I had to act civil around my parents though I think they knew things weren't okay but I refused to do that when it was just us.
Today I decided to cheer myself up by going to the mall to change my hair and maybe get a new outfit. I was walking around looking at what I wanted when I heard familiar loud laughter, I turned to the sound and froze. On a table for four in a small coffee shop, four people sat there. May, Summer,Xander and Bailey. Yep you heard me right Bailey. Wow! I stood there looking at May's figure as she laughed at something SHE said, my eyes turned to Xander who seemed happy, smiling, something I don't remember seeing. Was I that bad like I couldn't see how much I could make him happy? Was I really that selfish?
"Mya" someone called out and snapped me out of my staring. May stood up and I just shook my head, turned around and left the place to head home. I wasn't ready... I'm not ready.... I can't.
When I got home, I went straight to my room. I know I have to get over myself, I hate myself for being this pathetic. I was laying on my bed when my door opened.
"Mya" I didn't turn around, just continued laying on my side away from her. I was tired of fighting and just wanted her to leave me alone.
"this has gone on long enough!" I finally turned to her.
"what is it May?" I said really uninterested.
"you can't keep blaming me!" she was yelling at me." I tried to tell you! Get a life! You can't keep walking around not talking to everyone, making us feel guilty for your actions! " I didn't say a word but continued to just stare at her blankly.
"Bailey has changed! And you can't blame her alone for something Xander did too! He bullied you but you still dated him! "
"oh! Bailey is nice now? She changed? Your walking around blaming yourself? Just great. " I clapped for her. "I never asked you to walk with blame. Yes I dated Xander, guess I'm the fool. I can't forgive Bailey and I'm the bad person. But I'm not the sister doing lunch with her, am I? If you want to be nice to her then be nice. If you want to be her new sister then be that. But if I choose to ignore you for feeling betrayed then leave me alone. You won't miss me, you have Bailey and Xander. Now get out of my room and don't come back because you are made to feel guilty for choosing to be a better person for someone else not me. I can do it on my own. " I didn't wait for her to leave, just turned on my side again giving her my back. Now I have to think about been a bad person to May on top of everything just great.
The next day, I did everything I could to stay away from everyone's sight, since apparently I was making people feel guilty for their choices. I decided to take a walk alone, I didn't want to burden Miguel since he was the only one who seemed to be tolerating me. I took a walk to my former high school, thought about this is where everything started. After sitting looking at the place where I had a crush, then bullied started,  I decided to have a happy memory atleast. I went to the park, I passed the bench I always sat on since people were sitting there. I went down to the one place I used to go to mostly at night. I had just rounded the flower bush when I saw him. I can't be here. I quickly turned around to get away.
"Mya." guess I wasn't fast enough. I turned around and looked at the stranger I thought I knew.
"please stay. "
I walked to towards the water and stood there not knowing what to say or if I was ready to hear the truth. I mean the truth is usually hard to swallow but I wanted to know somehow. I heard him walk towards me and felt his hand on my shoulder. I quickly moved away and angrily said "don't touch me."
"Mya, I'm sorry." I looked straight into his eyes.
"why?" he didn't answer so I asked again. "why? And this time be honest cause I don't think you can break my heart more than you already have so why?"
"if I'm going to explain, you can't run before I'm done." I took a moment to think then nodded. I walked to the be rock and sat down. "talk"
"you made it obvious." I looked at him confused. "that you had a crush on me. You made it so obvious. I liked you as a friend but now everyone was on my case about how you are such a nice girl and would be nice to have you as a sister in law and me as a brother in law." I even knew it, May and Summer."I was in love with someone else and I always knew that she was the one for me. But then she bullied you in school and I couldn't say anything because I wanted to please her." OMG! "so I watched her make fun of you. At times I even told her private things about you just so she was happy. I'm sorry I did that but we've both changed. We broke up and I felt pity for you that you were trying so hard. I asked you out because I wanted to prove to my friends that I could take you to bed. It was a bet at first. Then we went to university and I got back with Bailey... "
"stop!!just stop! You win." I got up and started rushing to leave.
"Mya!" I turned around to stop him. "I care and love you like a sister. I'm sorry."
"A sister?! That you fucked?!" he cringed. "you are repulsed by the idea of sleeping with me yet you have! All these years you lied to me! All the sorrys, I care all lies! I was a game! It's done! We are done!" I turned to walk away and after a few steps I turned around. "I thought my heart broke when I saw you propose to the one person I have ever hated in my life. But today I know I hate two people,you and her. Today you stop existing in my life and I will not even pretend for our family. I hope you can find the perfect lie to tell since you are so good at it." with that I went back home.
As soon as I stepped in my mom came to view.
"there you are. We are going to Summer's place for dinner. Hurry go and change." I knew I couldn't say no. So I just went to my room and straight into the shower. I stripped and got into the shower. Everything just broke within me and I let it out. I was on the floor crying for I dunno how long when someone knocked on the door.
"Mya, mom says to hurry up" I said nothing but gathered my strength to get up and out the bathroom. I opened the door and found May on my bed. "are you okay?"
"ya"
"mya, you can talk to me"
"I'm fine. Can I please just get dressed." I moved to the closet and felt light headed and held onto my dresser.
"mya, are you okay?" May was by my side.
"ya I'm okay. Will be out soon." she left the room and I quickly got dressed.

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Dinner was going by as great I could be. I was sitting next to Miguel, he was the few people who could stand my moody a$$.
"Mya, you are not eating? You look pale honey." Xander's mom said and all eyes were on me. I looked up shyly. "I'm okay auntie."
"Mya can pass me the salad." Bailey said but I didn't pay her no mind.
"Mya, Bailey asked you to pass her a plate" my dad said but I just looked at him and continued to ignore. I was in no mood for this drama.
"pass me the beans Mya." Xander said but I ignored. "Mya" I just gave him an evil eye and continued playing with the food on my plate. I dunno who passed it to him but I just felt my moms hand, when I looked at her, she mouthed "kitchen now"
I followed her to the kitchen.
"what's going on? If you are mad at Xander because of a childish crash get over it, he's getting married and needs your support. Know we will walk back in there and you shall behave. Bailey is so nice girl." she walked back to the table, I just had a glass of water. When I looked up, there stood bailey with a smirk on her face.
"listen to mummy. You lost and you are nothing but a bet who was a fool at that." she laughed and walked away. I found my mom apologizing to Bailey.
"I'm so sorry for her behavior, she's just adjusting to it been the three of them."
"it's okay Mrs Matthews" she said as I sat down. I felt Miguel reach out for my hand and gently squeeze it. I gave him a small smile. I continued to just look at my plate and not eat.
"Mya! What has gotten into you?!" my mom yelled at me, she shook head disappointedly, my dad had the same look and I couldn't stand it. Before I could stand,Bailey spoke.
"it's okay, Mrs Matthews" she turned to me and using the sweetest voice she could "I'm sorry you hate me, Mya. But you can't be mad at me for a crash you had. May and Summer told me about it" I shot the two an angry eye while they looked down. "I would like us to get to know each other and maybe we can be friends."
"Bailey shut up"
"Miguel!" all the parents shouted.
"no! I won't!" he stood up and I sat there frozen. "you all have decided to paint Mya as the bad person while accepting a hypocrite." I tried to pull his hand for him to shut up but he pulled it away. "no Mya. It's time"he looked at my parents "since she came back, she's been depressed and isolated herself more than normal. She hardly eats unless I force her to but you don't see that cause you are fussing over her"he pointed at Bailey. My mom looked at me like she noticed me for the first time. And you" I understand that you two are best friends but the only time she needs you,you choose a stranger. Do you remember when you went through a bad time and she never left your side, still keeping your secret."
"Xander, you never deserved her love but she gave it to you for years when she was just a game. Has any of you wondered why I'm not close to the golden boy cousin here. Mmmmm. I guess not cause he does no wrong, right?! And that bitch he's marrying is nothing but a snake and I can't wait for the day I have a smile on my fucking face as you discover her. Am I right,Bailey?" the whole room was quite. "okay, I'm going to show myself out and I'm done with this" he sat down and turned to me. "hey. Come with me. It's okay." he wiped my tears I didn't realize were falling. I looked up and everyone's face said a different emotion:pain,grief,pity,shame...
I got up but felt lightheaded, I grabbed onto Miguel.
"are you okay?"
And everything went black.
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Hey readers,
I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Let me know what you think will happen next.
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Love Jean 💕