If Only Love ✔️

chapter nineteen

Mya's pov

When I saw him, I felt my heart stopped. Like it felt like it had stopped. I had been trying to prepare myself for this moment for two years and now that the moment was finally here, I was ready to run away.
No. No. No. No. I wasn't ready for this.
I quickly gathered my things as fast as I could and rushed out. I could hear him call my name but I just wanted out of here. He finally caught up with me and grabbed my hand before turning me to face him. I felt like someone had reduced the amount of oxygen in the air. I felt hands on my face, directing me to look at something. Once I started calming down, I heard him.
"that's it. Just breathe. Look at me and breathe." I felt him rub my arms in an up and down motion. When I was finally calm, I spoke.
"I'm okay."
"are you going to try to run again?" I could see the anger in his eyes and him trying to calm down so bad. I had only seen him angry a few times and right now I understood why he would be mad at me. I looked down in guilt and shame and shook my head no. I continued looking down when he gently asked me to look at him.
When I did, he said. "I have so much to ask you. I want you to tell me what to do right now?" I had no idea what I was suppose to say to him.
"Mya" I looked up into his eyes. "we can do coffee." he nodded and I led the way to the café. Some tables were now empty as people returned to work and exploring the city. 
"you still like hot chocolate?" he asked and I agreed. I watched him walk away and make an order.
My mind felt like it was working on overdrive. I quickly took out my phone and called my therapist,her name is Jean.

Jean: hey Mya. How are you? She said softly.
Mya: he found me.
J: what do you mean?and who found you?
M: Miguel. I bumped into him and I don't know if I am ready.
J: Mya, you have come a long way. We talked about scenarios of events if this day came when you met someone from your past. Don't push them away,however, let them understand that this is you recovery journey. That they need to let you peel off the layers at your pace.
I thought about her words for a moment.
M: okay.
J: call me after your meeting and we can schedule an appointment.
M: okay I have to go his returning to the table.
J: okay. You gat this. Bye.
I cut the call just as he set my cup of chocolate and a muffin in front of me. I made myself so busy with what was in front of me to prolong what was to come.
"Mya, look at me." I looked at him through my lashes.
"where have you been?"
"here." I could see that he didn't like my answer. I sighed.
"are you going to give me such answers the whole time we are here?" I looked down and took a sip of my drink. He continued "do you know that I spent a year looking for you? A whole year? I was in this very town for a week!" I chose to keep quite as I gathered my thoughts on what to say. I knew he grew frustrated. "say something " I looked up and responded.
"I know." he looked at me confused.
"what do you mean you knew?"
"that you were looking for me in this town" I said hestately.
"what do you mean?" I could see him get annoyed.
"you approached someone I knew. When they told me that you were showing my picture around asking if anyone had seen me and to either go to the police or come to your hotel, they told me. I saw you."
"and you didn't come forward!"he whisper yelled at me. Clearly mad and I understand where he's coming from. "gosh! Mya! I know you were going through some things but you ought to know that even your family needed you. I needed you! You just left without proper explanation. I'm your best friend! Atleast I thought I was." that final statement really cut me deep, he was still my best friend unless he had given up on me too. I could feel my eyes begin to water.
"you think I liked doing that to you. I was in a bad place! A really bad place. I came to look for you but I got scared after I saw you. I knew you had built a life without me around and what if I ruined everything like I had been. I panicked. I'm sorry"
He reached out and held my hand. "hey.... I didn't mean to upset you. But you have to understand that it's not been easy on anyone. "
"I know but I was going through things and my therapist said-"
"therapist?"
"yes I started seeing one to help me. " I looked straight into his eyes. "I wasn't well, Miguel. I needed help. I still get help."
He sat silently for a moment and spoke. "will you give me a chance to prove that you can still count on me. That I am willing to understand what's going on even if I wish you could have come to me instead of running away. "
I know I can count on him but where to start.
"let's take a walk." we left and walked to the park. There was a spot I liked to come to often.

After sitting down and staring at the water for some time, I knew I needed to talk. It was now or never.
"this place reminds me of our bench" I looked at him, found he already was looking at me. "this just has a better view" I smiled, which he returned. I looked back towards the water.
"whenever I wanted to believe that there was atleast one person who still believed in me, I came here. When I chickened out of meeting you when you were looking for me, I felt so guilty. My therapist assured me that I just wasn't ready and I would be. I thought of coming back you know." I looked at him again.
"why didn't you?"
"because I believed you guys were better off without me."
"is it because of what May said to you?" I looked at him shocked that he knew about it.
"she told you?"
"not really. She just mentioned she had said some hurtful things to you and she blames herself for you running away."
I felt bad that I had caused her grief. "what she said was only true. I was been selfish and caused so much drama."
"you know that's not true. You were going through something shocking. There is no handbook that states a right way in which someone should react to trauma."
I was greatful that he was understanding and it meant so much to me.
"tell me what happened to make you want to leave."
I went on to tell him how I felt with all the events as well as the fight with May. How when I finally arrived here I was told I was in a state of depression and the negative things I was been told had more impact on me than the positive things.
"why didn't you call me? Everyone is worried about you"
"I wanted to but there are some things I needed to sort out."
"June is mad at you. She got engaged and says she will only marry when the godmother to her daughter shows her ugly face. Her words"he laughed softly.
"she has a daughter? "
He smiled. "yes. She's a few months old. Pretty little adorable baby. You will like her."
I looked at him for some time. "come with me."
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Hey readers,
Sorry I delayed again. Had a wonderful birthday despite the weekend ending on a bad note as I lost a grandmother. That's why I failed to update earlier. I hope you all are keeping safe and masking up cause covid is real and a nightmare.
I hope you enjoyed the chapter and don't forget to let me know your thoughts.
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Love Jean 💕