If Only Love ✔️

chapter twenty-one

He grabbed my head and angled it properly. His lips moved slowly against mine, his tongue swiped my lips asking for entrance but, I refused to allow it. I pushed away and touched my lips.
I stared at him, confused and trying to process what just happened.
Why would he do this? Is this a game to him? I looked at him and he was analysing me.
"Mya.... "
"don't. " I could see him try to reach to me but my mind was playing major tricks on me. Why did he kiss me?
"Mya listen.... "
"no" I turned to leave and he stopped me.
"don't run again, Mya. " that stopped me for a bit but my mind was working on overdrive and I needed to think straight before I reacted before thinking. I never turned around to look at him. I wanted to be mad at him but, I had so many things running through my mind right now.
What if it was just a bet between him and  Xander? I don't even feel that way about him!
I continued walking until I reached my car. The moment I put the key into the ignition, I saw him running towards me. That didn't stop me from rushing so that he couldn't reach me. The car finally started when he was close enough, but I had managed to put it into gear and speed off. My phone started ringing, I knew it was him but I chose not to pick up. I knew there was only one place I go to. The moment I arrived at her office, I rushed in without knocking.
"where is she?"
I rushed in and gave her a big hug.
"Mya come." she gave me her hand to take. I let go and reached for her hand. She led me to her office.
"what's going on?"
"he kissed me"
My phone began to ring again. I didn't pick up and another series of messages came through. Jean looked at my phone and then at me.
"are you here as a friend or client?"
A part of me wanted her professional advice and a part of me needed a friend.
"I need both" tears were freely running down my face. "I don't have feelings for him and he kissed me."
"then why didn't you stop him? "
"I did" I did push him away.
"and you had a conversation after to explain that you didn't see him that way and also explain how you feel? How do you feel if I may ask?"
I looked down, knowing that I did what I know best avoiding the problem. I ran away and refused to talk to him.
"you ran away,didnt you?"
I nodded because I could foam an answer. I heard her sigh. My phone chose that moment to start ringing again.
"are you going to answer that?" I shook my head and my tears just couldn't stop.
"Mya, look. When you come to me on a professional level, I give you advice that theoretically has worked on people and based on my accessment, I think will workout for you. I can give you all the tools but are you ready to move on. As a friend, I can support your choices as nomatter what I tell you to do or not do, you choose a path. I know you have had it rough the last few years. I understand that healing is a process but that process can be blocked by fear at times. If you can answer the questions I am about to ask you then you will know what to do next."
She stood up and walked to her desk and began writing something on a piece of paper.
Was I really blocking my own progress? But why did he have to ruin everything by kissing me, I was starting to trust him again and he does that. She finished writing, folded the paper and handed it to me.
"you will know when you are ready to read it. I am going out of town for sometime. Work related and will not always have my phone. You might be unable to reach me, I think you are almost there."
                   ~~~~~~~~~~~
It's been a week and I haven't answered his calls. I did read some of his messages, which were:
I'm sorry.
I shouldn't have done that.
Can you please talk to me.
Please don't shut me out.
Those were at the beginning, then they started reducing and an hour ago he sent one message that has me questioning alot of things.
Hey Mya, I get it. Since you have decided to shut me out, I will respect your choice. Maybe it was too soon to do that and maybe you are not over him. I'm not saying this to make you guilty or anything but maybe I was never good enough for you. I hope that you get the healing you seek and happiness too. I will decline the offer to come and work in this town and maybe take up somewhere else. Your secret is safe with me. I will leave it to you to tell your family where you have been but, the one thing I will do is atleast let June know that you don't plan on coming back anytime soon. She has had hope that you will come back and watch her get married. Let her atleast have her happy ever after. Don't worry I will try to make something up that will still keep you in her good books. I'm sorry again.
After reading that I had different questions to different parts of the message as well as feelings about it. Was I really shutting him out or punishing the people who cared about me? It was my journey to heal but was I not considering others? He talked of June, did she really consider me her bestfriend after I ran? Did she really put her marriage on hold partially cause of me? What did he mean by he was never good enough?
I rushed to get my bag and get the paper Jean had written to me.
If you are reading this, then I know for sure that it took you days. Answer these questions and pick a path:
1. Are you over your past?
2. Does your past place a massive role in decision making?
3. Apart from your family, who are the people that you can still counting on given how events played out.
4. What happens when you run out of places to run?
5. Will you choose to live life a prisoner of the past or take new paths and discover the beauty that surrounds you.
Lastly, I would like you to close your eyes after putting this down. Start from what you feel is your first happy memory. Think of the people that appear in each memory. From then on till date, think of how these people would have influenced your healing had they been here. I want you to think of your downs in life, who was there to lift you up. It's kinda like a pros and cons list of people. With every person you think of ask yourself this, if you brought them back in your life, how would they impact you.
You know what to do.
Jean.
💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜
I tried calling him again and it kept going back to voicemail. I rushed to the hotel he was staying at. I reached the reception and asked for him.
"I'm sorry ma'am. The guest you are requesting to see just left about 10 minutes ago."
" did he say what time, he would be back?"
"he checked out, miss. I think I overheard him talking about catching a flight."
I remembered him giving me some details about his flight before the misunderstanding. I quickly took out my phone and called the airport to enquire about the flight.
I drove like a mad woman to reach the airport. I had to beat time.
I rushed to where I thought he could be and started calling his name.
"yes miss." I turned around and saw a bald man approaching me.
"no. No. No. Not you sir. "
I continued calling for him but had no luck finding him. I even went to the announcer to call for him but still nothing happened.
His flight was finally called and she tried to pay attention if I could see him but still nothing. Some passengers had already passed security and I didn't know if he was one of them. The last passenger passed and after sometime saw on the screen that the plane had taken off. I walked to my car defeated. Tears were flowing as I leaned on my steering wheel. Someone tapped on the glass. I looked up. I quickly opened my door and hugged him.
"Miguel. I thought you had left." I said as I  hugged him. I felt him gently push me away. And I knew I was to blame. I looked at him.
"what did you need?"
"I'm ready to tell you the rest of the story.."
✳️✳️✳️✳️✳️✳️✳️✳️✳️✳️✳️✳️✳️✳️
Hey readers,
I hope you enjoyed the chapter. Do you think he will let her talk to him or will he turn his back on her? What does she need to tell him?
Let me know your thoughts by commenting and don't forget to vote, share and follow.
Love Jean💕