If Only Love ✔️

chapter thirty-seven

Mya's pov

Who said moving on was easy? Well it's not easy. It took me so long to accept and know my feelings and when I did he was gone.
I am currently sitting opposite Jean for my session because the wedding is this weekend and I don't know how to react.

"what do you want us to talk about Mya?" she asked as she was sitting on the chair opposite me.

"I'm scared. These past few months have been hard."

"what has made them hard for you?"

"well as you know Miguel had shown up and told me it was too late for us. One of my biggest fears was for my daughter, that his lady would one day ask him to stop visiting her."

"and did he stop coming to see her? How are you taking everything personally? "

"he still does. I have only seen him through the window as I don't have the strength to face him after that talk. I'm only picking myself up. I've been beating myself up over how long it took for me to admit I liked him and I was so slow that it was too late. I see him happy and it kills me. Pat is always talking about him that I avoid the café if she's on duty because I also know at any moment he will show up. I've seen it from afar and they seem happy together. This weekend is the wedding and I know he will be there. What am I suppose to do? I don't want him to think I'm broken but I also don't want to pretend to be okay. "

She looked at me for sometime as though processing what I just said. "firstly, that man adores your little girl. If he decided to stop visiting or been in her life, it will be hard but all you can do is appreciate the time he showed her how to be loved. You can't control his decisions but you can be the pillar your daughter needs no matter the situation of him been there or not. I understand you are hurt. Like I always say, whatever heartbreak you face, focus on making you better. If you two are meant to be then your paths will cross again. But he's hurt too and needs to fix his pain too. And if you choose to heal as a couple or separately, you will be both fine. The memories will still be there but you will be fine. You are going to the wedding for Kay right. Be there for her and take the rest as they come."

"thank you Jean. Will definitely think about that. I have to go through. Packing and all."

"okay. Send pictures and have fun with your family."

                   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It was the day of the wedding and I was so nervous. Aunty had asked my mom to be her maid of honor and my dad to give her away with of course her grand baby Kayla as the flowergirl. The groom had his oldest son as the bestman. He had two kids from a previous marriage. His kids seemed to love aunty Kay from what I've seen so far.

At the church, I was standing when I saw him arrive with Pat. Kayla ran to him as soon as she saw him. Once we took our sits, I noticed he kept stealing glances at me and a part of me was scared cause I know he has tried to talk to me whenever he came to see Kayla. But I didn't want him to rub it in how happy he was or feel pity for me, so I avoided him yet again. Once Kayla did her flower girl duties, she went to sit with him again. There was also one other person who kept stealing glances at me.

Once the reception started, I couldn't take Xander and Miguel's glances at me. So I decided to go outside for some fresh air and just compose myself. Though I did notice that Pat wasn't here for the reception, I was curious but couldn't ask yet I also knew someone would spill the beans.

I was admiring the flowers and night view of the garden when I heard the breaking of branches. I turned around quickly.
"Xander! You scared me." I continued just looking at everything trying to distruct myself.

"it's a beautiful view."

I looked at him. "it is. What are you doing out here?"

"I actually wanted to talk to you. You look sad, are you okay?"

"I am."

"hey look. I know I'm probably the last person you would want to talk to. I really hurt you. And I will be sorry for the rest of my life. I don't know why I thought it wouldn't affect you. Honestly I never thought about what my actions would cost me. One thing I don't regret are my daughters. I know I've not been there for Kayla but whenever she's visiting her grandparents, I try to be the best father to her and Lexi. I'm also not blind that she has a stronger bond with Miguel. At first, I would get upset and be jealous but now I'm grateful to him for also loving her. Lexi adores him to but Kayla sees a dad in him. I will continue working on being her father but I'm glad she has him too."

"thank you. I know it's not been easy but if your words are true,i hope you really are trying."

"I am. Your mom talked me into going to therapy because when Kayla couldn't see me as a father, broke my heart. Then I thought of how I was going to raise Lexi without her mom and that scared me more. I thought it was karma for everyone I hurt and all I did. You Miguel would warn me and even beat the sh*t out of me cause of Bailey but I was oblivious to my surroundings. So I took a path of drinking, my parents had to take Lexi. All the parents sat me down for a talk but it was your mom who advised me to try therapy. She gave an example of how you had been doing it. So I gave it a try and it's been helping. Some sessions are so much harder that it gives me an insight of things I never noticed about myself. I am making my step by asking you for forgiveness. I don't deserve it and I know it's not easy to give but please forgive me. I would like us to at least start by been civil with each other. We owe it to ourselves as well as our daughter."

"mom was right. I have been going for therapy for a while now, still do. I'm glad you are finding yourself. Trying to be the best dad to the girls. I can try to be civil but I will take my own pace cause I can't trust you right now after everything."

"I'm okay with that. It's a start" he smiled. "now from someone who has learned talking helps to another. " we both laughed. Then he got serious. "I know you are sad cause of Miguel. I never saw it before but I see it now. You have feelings for each other so why not be together?"

"it's too late."

"it's never too late"

"it is. I was oblivious to everything he did for me. I took him for granted. He showed me and told me he had feelings for me but I kept pushing him away. When I finally admitted to myself that it was him I wanted, he wanted nothing to do with me. I mean even loves our daughter like his own but I was so stupid. I lost him."

"hey, I'm sure he will come back. Now I know I started this sad story but why don't we change that. We are here for a wedding, free food and drinks, why don't we go back and join the fun. And thank you for been civil with me."

"thank you too. I needed to let that out." he smiled and just winked.

We turned around to head to the party when I noticed someone looking at us.
"Miguel" I whispered. His eyes were locked with mine and from the look he was giving me, I knew he heard most of what was said. He moved closer towards us.
"I will give you guys time to talk." I heard Xander say as he left. They gave each other a pat on the back as they passed each other. Within no time, he was standing in front of me.

"how much of that did you hear?"

"enough."

"Miguel I... "

✳️✳️✳️✳️✳️✳️✳️✳️✳️✳️✳️✳️✳️✳️
Hey readers,
How was the chapter? Do you think they will work it out? Or maybe find one more thing to fight about?
Don't forget to vote, comment, share, and follow.
Love Jean 💕