If Only Love ✔️

chapter eighteen

Mya's pov
Before she left home :
I sat on my bed, trying to decide what I needed to do. There was so much fighting around me, because of me. I kept letting everyone down and I didn't know how to make it better.
I had promised May to never tell anyone about her pregnancy. The only other two people who knew were Miguel and Summer of course. Due to my carelessness, mom found out and I could hear her shouting at May for hours then her sobbing as she went to her room.
The next day I went downstairs to find everyone had gone out. Well, that's what I thought until I reached the kitchen.
I found May deep in thought while moving her cereal around in the bowl. I could tell that she had spent most of the night crying. Honestly I never meant to hurt her, I was just trying to make her understand that we all handled things differently and I was trying to handle my situation the best I could.
The moment she heard me, she looked up and I could see the anger in her eyes. She got up to leave but I stopped her.
"May"
She turned around "don't you dare call out my name! "
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean-"
"oh shut up! Bailey was right!"
I looked at her in confusion, what could that girl say that was so right about me?"what do you mean?"
"you are just selfish! I asked you to not talk about my losing the child. But you go ahead and open your mouth"
It's not like I did it on purpose. "but I -"
"no! Don't! You are just so self that you want attention on yourself that you are willing to make others look bad. She was right you make yourself a victim when you are not. Xander chose her! Let it go! " she began walking out as I felt my heart break to pieces that she thought I would something to hurt her. I looked up when she spoke.
"I just wish you could go away. It was much peaceful and happy without you." with that she left.
I stood there looking at the door she just walked through,replaying what she just said.
I don't know how long I stood there but after sometime I walked back to my room. I lay on my bed thinking of all that has been happening. It was as though everything became clearer, I was around all the drama or the source of the drama. It was as though I made everyone's life revolve around me. It hurt that May was right which made Bailey right. I lay there crying till I was shaken awake by someone. I guess I had fallen asleep.
"hey sweetie. Dinner is ready. Come down and eat."
"I'm not hungry mom. I will come and eat later. "
"what's wrong?"
"nothing. I just have a headache." I lied.
"okay. I will let you rest but we need to talk when you are better"
I knew she meant what she heard and also my story. "okay mom."
She gave me a kiss on the forehead and left.
The moment the door closed, I panicked. I couldn't tell her more about May and risk her hating me. But I also couldn't continue lying to mom now that she knew. I knew that her relationship with Xander's parents was not the same since everyone somewhat finding out what happened. I could see the pain in dad's eyes and that broke me all the time. I knew he somehow blamed himself and thought he was not the best father. He was wrong. I adored my parents. I just didn't have the strength to face another major hit of drama and like May said the family was better off without me.
I quickly checked the time and knew I had enough time to carry out my plan. I rushed to my closest and got my backpack.



I quickly packed as much things as I could fit in there. When I was done I hid it in the closet. Then I got my laptop and backed up everything to my cloud. I got a new journal where I wrote my passwords and all details in case I needed to access anything there which I doubt I will ever do that. Then I sat at my desk writing letters to my family and friends. It was hard to think of what to say to them and I knew I didn't have much time. When I was done I put them on my dresser in a way that no one could see them if they walked into my room. I decided to take a quick shower and dress in what I would go out with. She put on leggings, a vest and hoodie and socks. She then put on her sneakers near her bed. She got into bed and set an alarm. She lay still in bed waiting for the right moment. At some point she heard the door open but pretended to be asleep and lay still. When the door closed she shed some tears knowing the pain she would put her family through but she needed this.
Some time had passed and she was sure her family was asleep. She took the letters and tiptoed into her parents bedroom and put them on the dresser. She knew her moms routine and by the time she saw them everyone else would be up. She went back to her room and put on her shoes, collected her bag and slowly walked downstairs. She got scared when she saw the TV light glowing in the living room. To her relief, her brother had passed out again watching some show. She quietly left the home praying no one would wake up. She ran to her first location, withdraw all her savings. It was enough to give her a headstart on her quest. She stuffed the some of it in her back pack and some under her hoodie where she hid a waist bag. She went to the bus station and purchased a ticket to the furtherest the bus could take her. Once on the bus, she was glad the first went smooth.
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Present day:
It had been two years since I left home, not a day goes by that I don't miss my family. Everytime I do, I remember they are better off without me. I also know that a day will come that someone from my family will find me or we might bump into each other and my therapist says it would be a good idea to let them in as to start my healing with out relationship. I know it's not going to be easy but I keep telling myself that I will.
It was a sunny day and also a perfect day to go to my favorite coffee and pastry shop. It gave me a perfect scene to catch up on some reading and blogging. It had become one of my favorite pass time activities. As I stepped out of my apartment, I got this feeling like today was going to be different. I shook that feeling away and went to the shop. I ordered a cuppichino and a death chocolate piece of cake. I was lucky to find a table at the corner of the shop to sit. I was busy typing when I heard someone ask if they could sit by me. I don't know how but within a second I thought I knew the voice but dismissed it. I looked up as I had started responding when my whole world fell apart.
There stood Miguel, looking different and grown but what was he doing here? I wasn't ready.
"Mya"
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Dear readers,
I hope you enjoyed the chapter. What do you think will happen next? Will she run away? Or will she allow herself to open up to him?
So I will resume updates next week. As tomorrow 25/06/21 is my birthday and will be with family most of the day...... Saturday will be at a wedding so weekend will be hard to write.
Love Jean 💕