If Only Love ✔️

chapter twelve

WARNING!!
THIS CHAPTER MAY CONTAIN SOME DETAILS THAT MAY BE A TRIGGER TO SOME PEOPLE. I HAVE TRIED TO BE AS SENSITIVE AS I CAN BE IN WRITTING IT. ✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

"how is she doing?"
"is she going to be okay?"
"what's wrong with her?"
So many voices but all I want to do is sleep. I feel very sleepy but I also want to wake up. Well, I can feel myself drift back to sleep...
"please tell me what happened to her? Why didn't I see it?"
"honey, now's not the right time... "
No, no, no, no. Not again. Sleepy again.
"what's wrong with her?"
"when will she wake up?"
"soon ma'am. Her body just needed the rest."
"oh Gean! My baby"
"calm down, baby. She will be fine."
Please,please,please let me wake up. I need to assure mom I'm okay.
I felt my eyes begin to open slowly until I could see mom, dad, a doctor and June?
"mom" I said in a hoarsey voice. They all quickly turned towards me, mom let go of dad and rushed to me.
With tears in her eyes, she said while stroking my hair "hey. How are you feeling?"
"tired and thirsty" she looked towards the  doctor who nodded I'm guessing for approval. Dad quickly grabbed a cup and filled it with water,which he passed to my mom as he helped me sit up. Once I was done, the doctor spoke up.
"hey, Mya. I'm doctor Desh. How are you feeling?"
"good I guess."
"okay, that's a good start. I'm going to ask a nurse to come and check on you. Then later will come in with the results to your tests."
I looked at her confused.
"we carried out some tests to determine why you fainted."
"okay" I whispered. The doctor left and shortly after a nurse walked in as the doctor stated. As soon as she walked out, my mom was back to making a fuss.
"mom, I'm okay."
"but Mya, what's really going on? No one will tell me the full truth"
"mom, please."
"but.. " she was stopped by my dad.
"hey sweetie. Let me take your mom for some coffee so you catch up with your friend. " I nodded gratefully as he guided mom out of the room. I turned towards June.
"hey"
"hey how are you feeling?"
" I'm okay I guess. Has the doctor said anything?"
"no, nothing yet."
We chatted for a bit and told me how things were going between her boyfriend and her. After sometime, mom and dad returned then Miguel came. A few minutes later, Xander and his parents came too. There was so much tension in the room and I refused to look at him.
"is someone going to finally tell us what's going on?" my mom asked.
"his a jerk" June said while giving Xander a stink eye.
"June!" he just looked down embarrassed as his mom turned to him.
"what Mya?! He is."
Before anything else was said, the doctor stepped in.
"evening everyone. Mya, we have your results." she looked at everyone and asked for privacy but of course my mom had to say something.
"no.we are all family and I'm tired of secrets so everyone is staying"
"let's give her some space" my dad tried to reason with her.
"no we are staying." I rolled my eyes at her.
The doctor looked at me with a look that said i-can-call-security.
"let's just get over it so they can finally go home.
"Mya!"
"mom please. You wanted to stay so stay and we get over it."
"okay very well. You were severely dehydrated and seemed to be under alot of stress. This could have caused the miscarriage -"
Everyone in the room screamed in shock while my hand went directly to my stomach. A thousand emotions were running through me but all I could hear was the echo of the statement 'this could have caused the miscarriage ' when did I get pregnant? I felt my heart break at the thought of failing a new thing. I couldnt even take care of my child. What sort of a person am I?
"how far along was I pregnant?" I needed to know. Everyone's eyes was on me, I could see different emotions on their faces. I looked at the person responsible and he couldn't look me in the eyes, my eyes turned to my two best friends and they had pity on their eyes.
"a little over eight weeks" so I got pregnant when he last came to see me. When I thought he meant the world to me. Now my baby had to pay for my been naïve. I could feel my heart physically break and the pain in my chest was like someone stabbing me over and over again. Not that I've been stabbed before but I'm sure this is how it felt.
"she's seizing! Get a crush in here! " I felt things around my bed been moved around and then electricity pass through my body. Okay that hurt but I felt it again. I get it can they stop doing that. Then I felt peace but it was dark.
                    💣💣💣💣💣💥
"why won't you two tell me what has been really going on?" that's my moms voice. I tried opening my eyes but they won't cooperate.not again!
"it's not our place aunty. She will wake up and tell you when she's ready."
"is that why she's been acting different and fighting with May?" I didn't hear any answers. "oh my gosh. I've been so busy planning a wedding, I didn't see the pain my own child was going through" I heard her voice crack at the end.
"aunty you couldn't have known" June!
I felt the darkness taking over.

Something pulled me back. "get out! "
"aunty-"
"no! Please Xander leave! Unless you want to tell me what happened with her"there was silence for a bit. "I thought so. Please just go" I heard the door close softly. Then my eyes opened. I turned to the side and saw my mom. She looked pale and tired. I just stared at her cause I felt I had no strength to talk. When she finally noticed me looking at her, I saw tears foaming in her eyes "Mya" she whispered. I just continued to look at her.  She rushed out and came back with the doctor.
"hey Mya" I just turned to look at her. "welcome back." she moved close and examined me. "everything seems okay but we will keep her for observation before she can be discharged. " my mom nodded while I just turned to stare at the window. Everything just replayed in my head that my carelessness killed my child. I was a bad girlfriend, friend to Miguel, and mother to my child.
As the day continued, everyone came to see me but I had no strength to talk.
"why won't she speak? " my mom asked while been held by my dad.
"give her time to process. Many women take the news of miscarriage in shock and tend to get depressed. "
"so it's depression?"
"it's too soon to diagnose it as that yet. Show her love and support as she processes what she's gone through. When she's ready she will speak just don't force her. "
Mom moved towards me as I watched her every move "I'm here for you sweetheart. We will get through this together, I promise my baby"
That word'baby' like the one I lost. I turned my head back to the window.
"Mr and Mrs Matthews, I have her discharge forms. I have included leaflets of some support groups for when she's ready as well as some therapist she can talk to. But if you have any concerns you can call me."
Mom helped dress me and packed my things. Dad walked in and carried my things just as the nurse pushed the wheelchair. The ride home was silent. When we got home, we found a sign saying 'welcome home Mya'. I just wanted to sleep and not celebrate me killing my child.  We walked in and all three families were there. Everyone came to hug me and I just stood there. Then I saw Bailey try to hug me,  I moved back angry that they could invite the two of them to see me like this. I looked at everyone and turned to leave.

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Dear readers,
So I had a bit of difficulty writing this chapter cause I wasn't sure how to express what I wanted to express but I hope you enjoyed it.
Don't forget to vote, comment, share and follow.
Love Jean 💕