If Only Love ✔️

Chapter thirty-four

Mya's pov

I rushed out of the dining to my room. I just needed time, time to just compose myself. I closed the door behind me and leaned on it. I closed my eyes and took deep breaths, as I tried to calm myself. It felt like this was when I was paying for been oblivious to my surroundings. The moment I try to take a risk and it's too late.
I was brought back from my thoughts by someone knocking. I composed myself and wiped my face just in case there were tears but thank goodness there was nothing. I turned around and opened the door.
"mom?"
"are you okay?"
"yes. I just needed to take care of something really quick." no I'm not okay! I wanted to tell her.
"are you sure? You know you can talk to me."
"I know mom and yes I'm sure. Let's get back."
We went down together, once there I said I was fine to everyone who asked if I was okay. I ate my food in silence after that and not once did I look up. Even when Pat asked questions or tried to talk, I kept my head down. After the meal, I went into the kitchen to put candles on the cake when I heard a voice.
"Mya? " I turned and it was Pat.
"hey" I turned around and continued what I was doing.
"ummm" she moved closer and I could see her at the corner of my eye but I didn't give her my attention. "did I do something wrong? Cause you seem to avoid me since I got here. I know we are not friends but I thought we got along at the cafe. So I'm confused. Isn't because of Miguel? Cause I really like him and I'm hoping you are okay with us."
Damn! I'm going to have a headache if I don't stop her. So I finally gave her my attention. "listen, you don't need my permission to date him. You don't have to worry about me, he chose you so don't stress yourself."
"I know you mean alot to him and I swear I really have feelings for him. I know you are protective of him."
Wait! She thought I'm playing mother hen! I gave her a smile, one that could look as real as it could. "I trust you. Now like I said, he chose you. That should mean he has feelings for you, so just focus  on that."
I didn't give her the chance to respond as I picked up the cake and left the room. As I turned the corner, I almost bumped into someone  and when I looked up, he was looking at me. We stood there looking at each other, till Kayla started a fuss cause she saw the cake in my hands. I broke the eye contact first and looked at Kayla and smiled. I proceeded to take the cake. This was just awkward. The rest of the day went by with me ignoring both Pat and Miguel, and as the day came to an end I told Stephen and to get Kayla as I went up to my room.
I was sitting on my bed, leaning against the wall when mom came into my room. She sat on my bed and looked at me. I put the book down and faced her.
"what's going on? I can see you are not okay. You and Miguel acted strange and you avoided him and his girlfriend. Please tell me."
I took a deep breath. "I have feelings for Miguel. The problem is I'm too late."
"explain how you guys got here."
"he may have had feelings for me but I was too blind to noticed and consumed in the whole Xander thing. What I went through didn't help me cause since that time I've had so many insecurities. When I found out that he likes me, I pushed him away.  I mean I was scared that he would hurt me and what would people think. The father of my child is his cousin. I was confused and scared but,  when I finally came to the realization that I have feelings it was too late. He wouldn't pick up my calls, answer the door when I went to him, talk to me and when we finally came face to face, it didn't go well. Let's just say some things were said, some hurtful things were said. And now he has Pat."
"tell me how you feel with Pat in the picture."
"hurt, like I was scared would happen. But I don't blame him, even I would walk away from me. A part of me says his punishing me and the other part says he likes her. With Pat in the picture tells me it's over. He could stay and wait for me just as I won't wait for him. It's time I let him be happy."
"baby, I know you are feeling all kinds of things. Don't make decisions when feelings are at a peak, take time to analyze everything. You guys have been close since I dunno diaper days and you always found each other. If Pat is who he wants, I'm sure you can be friends. Let him make his decision and be the reason for negative energy. Whatever you decide I'm here."
We talked for sometime and said goodnight when Kayla was brought. For the rest of the stay, I avoided the two and never went for any dinners or lunches when hosted by his parents. I just wanted to avoid it as much as I could.
I was standing by the window after packing our bags, when I noticed a car stop by our yard. The door opened and wait! Miguel's boss came out and rushed to the passenger door and opened it. I was in shock when I saw aunty Kay get out of the car. When the door was closed, he made aunty Kay lean on it and leaned in for a kiss.
My door opened with a bang and I knew who it was cause I saw him come in.
"what is wrong with you?! "
I turned around and just looked at him.
"you can have a problem with me or my relationship but that gives you no right to make Kayla pay. Why have you been keeping her away from me of late?"
It shocked me how low he thought of me.
"Miguel first of all I don't care about your relationship. You chose her and I respect that. The fact that you would think I could use my daughter to punish you is my biggest shock. I can't take away the bond you have. The reason why I haven't allowed her to see you in a week is because she's had a fever. So forgive me for taking care of my daughter." I said the last part with sarcasm.
"why didn't you tell me? Why didn't anyone tell me?"
"because I asked them not to! Me? Tell you? " I laughed dryly. "if I called you, would you pick up?! What's the point! One day you will walk away! You've already walked away in my life. Kayla is not your child and what will stop you from walking away from her! Just go!"
"mya... "
"go Miguel!"
"I think you should go Miguel"
We both looked at the door and saw aunty Kay with my mom there. He looked at me and I saw hurt in his eyes and he left.
"are you okay?" mom asked.
"I'm okay. I just need a moment." they left me alone.
I guess it's time to go home.

It's been four months since Miguel introduced his girlfriend, they are still together. I've gone back to avoiding him but that's just because I've tried to ignore everything but they are everywhere. I can't even go to the cafe without seeing them making out, or when I try to act civil when Pat is on duty. All she does is talk about how lucky she is to have him and she wants to tell him she loves him. I mean I try to smile but I guess karma is a b*tch huh. I just put my foot down to him taking my child to spend time with his girlfriend. He hangs out with aunty Kay when he comes home, more like they meet at the park cause things are awkward.
I was sitting watching TV when aunty Kay walked in, all smiles. She finally told me she was dating Miguel's  boss, who I now know  as Ken. It seems it's getting serious. He has been visiting alot lately.
"how was the date?" she blushed with her hands behind her back, then she shocked me when she showed me her hand.
"oh my gosh! Aunty Kay! " I pulled her to the chair as I looked at her engagement ring and listened to her talk about how he proposed. That she was excited for once since she lost her family. She really deserved happiness all the time.
When I got to bed I was so excited about the good news which also led me to a realization. I picked up my phone and decided to call two people first, who could help me decide.

Me: hey June.
Jean: hey! How are you doing? It's been a while.
M: ya. I'm sorry I cancelled our session the other day. Got caught up at work and have to look after Kayla.
J: I understand. What's bothering you? I know something is.
M: it's this Miguel thing. I hate the fact that everything is just out of control. I can't help feel he's punishing me but a part of me knows he's just living his life and I'm being bitter. I don't know what to do.
J: what does your gut tell you to do?
M: I don't know. I want to be mad at him  but my heart tells me I want to see him happy.
J: and what makes him happy?
M: right now, I think Pat does. He seems happy and in love with her.
J: I know you will make the right choice. All I can say is let it be your best choice.
M: thanks June.
We said our goodbyes after catching up and cut the call. I decided to make one more phone call.
June: hey girlie. Are you okay?
M: hey. Sorry for calling this late but I needed someone to talk to.
J: give me a minute.
I heard movement on the other side and knew she was maybe trying not to disturb Josh or Carla.
J: what's going on?
M: I just spoke to Jean. I've been trying to figure out what to do with this whole Miguel thing. He's moved on and I have to as well but I dunno how.
J: honey, you were in denial of your feelings for so long and now that you've embraced them you dunno what to do. If you feel he's happy and moved on. Take a first step to heal yourself. It won't be easy and you know that but we take a day at a time. Everyday we all heal from a pain of some sort. It's a continuous journey. Deep down I know you will be fine whether you end up with him or not. You should be working on a path to make you happy without validation on someone else.
M: thanks June. I needed this.
J: I'm here for you. Let's catch up soon.
We ended the call and I knew I had one more thing to do. I sent a recording.

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Hey readers,
Hope you enjoyed the chapter. What are your thoughts? What do you think she's saying in the recording?
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Love Jean 💕