If Only Love ✔️

chapter twenty

We walked most of the journey in silence. Mostly cause of the pep talk I kept giving myself. Was I really ready to allow him in all in one day.
We had just started approaching the hotel near the café when I realized I wasn't ready and I needed to talk to Jean tonight. I turned around to face him.
"wait. I can't" I looked down ashamed of doing this.
"what's going on?"
"I'm not ready. I thought I could but I can't yet." I was too ashamed to even look at him.
"it's okay. But how do I know where to find you maybe we can meet tomorrow." I could see that he had so many doubts and didn't trust that I would show up. I totally understood just that I really wasn't ready to tell him all that I have been through during this healing process.
"we can meet at the same cafe tomorrow."
"okay." he said hestately.
"I promise. "
"can- can I have your number?"
"of course. "
We exchanged numbers  and said our goodbyes. I turned sharply after thinking of something.
"Miguel! " he turned around as I started walking back towards him. "please don't tell my parents that you found me. Not yet at least."
"Will you come back soon"
"I will. Not now though." he nodded and left.
I decided to call Jean right away.
J: Mya?
M: I need to see you.
J: come home.
I ended the call and drove to her home. Jean was not only my therapist  but I could say we became really close to her. The moment I got out of my car, I saw her door open. She immediately opened her arms to me and I broke down the moment she wrapped her arms around me.
"I'm a coward." I said in between sobs.
"no you are not. " she rubbed my back in a comforting way. "come inside and talk to me."
We settled on one of the sofas, she waited till I was calm. Then she spoke. "tell me what happened."
I began telling her how I accidentally bumped into him at the cafe. And how I briefly told him about running away.
"I really wanted to tell him but I just got so scared. What if he hates me now?"
"do you honestly think he would have gone looking for you and even been patient with you? " I shook my head. " I told you, let it be at your pace. Learn to trust him again. From what you told me, he stack by you as you went through everything. He's your bestfriend, try. You two already have an amazing bond just relock it."
She was right. Before I ran away, he had supported me. Even when I broke his trust by dating Xander, when he had warned me so many times. He still stayed.
We talked for a while before I decided to get home cause it was getting late. I was so tired when I got home, took a quick shower and as I was about to get into bed I took my charger. As the socket was near my bed. I saw a message as I was about to put it down.
Unknown: I hope you don't run away again and I get to see you tomorrow. Goodnight. Miguel.
I quickly started typing but, felt bad that I had made him doubt me this much.
Me: I promise. We can meet during lunch, say 1pm. Goodnight.
I put the phone down, turned off the light and slept.

The next day, I woke up early. Did my morning routine, and got ready for work. I had started working for an advertising firm, I mainly just handled the contracts as I didn't to do anything that could put me on the spotlight. Work just felt like a drag, for some unknown reason I was looking forward to lunch. Okay, not unknown. I missed my bestfriend and was glad to be able to reconnect. He had texted me in the morning wishing me a great day.
Lunch couldn't come faster. As soon as it was lunch, I walked to the café, I had an hour before he met me. That was enough time to blog. I had started blogging not to long ago. My posts were mainly to talk about the different types of abuse people faced in life as well as how they could try to handle things positively after experiencing things that affected them negatively. I had so many positive feedback and chose to not pay attention to the negative ones. I heard the door open and looked up to see Miguel walk in. He had his phone to his ear, I asked he was about to call me. And for sure my phone rang. I told him I was already here and waved until he saw me and walked to me.
"hey" he said.
"hey. How are you?"
"I'm okay and how are you? I hope you haven't been waiting for long."
"not at all. I came in early to just get a few things done."
We ordered something and got talking.
"so what brought you back her this time?"
"work. When I had taken some time off to try to find you, my boss told me I would also have to handle some work if I was in a needed city. So when I came here, I did some work for a client and it kinda caused me to gain so more clients. Guess I impressed them enough that after reviews, my boss decided to open a branch here and would like me to handle it."
"oh nice!  Look at you! I'm proud of you."
"thank you. I came to just check the place out then head back home with my decision."
"and have you?"
"we'll see."
We then talked about random things just trying to catch up.

From that day, we met up almost everyday. When I was free anyway. There were some things that would keep me busy at times that I had to cancel. I can our friendship was getting back to normal. During the times, we would do things that we used to growing up. Go watch movies, catch up on comics and compete on who had more knowledge about the comics. Today we were going to the funfare. I was excited cause I hadn't been since I was a teen.
Jean had dropped by and found me getting ready.
"so are you sure it's not a date?"
"no! I'm like his sister! He doesn't have those feelings for me. "
She started laughing so hard. "what's funny?"
"you are a fool is all I can say." and she continued laughing.
"for a therapist, that's not nice"
"then it's a good thing, I am saying it as a friend." she stopped laughing for a bit and asked "is he a brother to you?"
I was quite for sometime and she burst out laughing again. "he is"
"sure"
He is my bestfriend period. "no one can love this" I said pointing at myself. That stopped her laughter all together. Oh boy!
"now you listen to me! Just because one a$$hole did you dirty don't mean all are the same. So get your cute butt out of here and open that heart to someone who deserves it."
"awwww you think my butt is cute?" I tried to lighten the mood.
She laughed. "out. I'm going down stairs to do more interesting things."

I met him by his hotel and we proceeded to the fare. We started out with shooting water balloons, then rollercoaster and went on with other activities. It was getting dark when we decided it was time to head home.
"I will be heading back home in a few days."
"so soon. "
"ya. The training is done and I have been here for more than a month. "
"have you decided if you are coming to stay. "
"I don't know yet. Will you come home with me atleast to see your family. " I knew he would ask this one day.
"I can't." I avoided his eyes.
"why can't you?"
"Miguel, please. Just drop it."
"is it because you are not over him?"
"drop it" it was silent for a bit.
"no" I could tell he was getting mad.
"Miguel drop it" I said equally annoyed. The day had ended perfectly til this topic.
"why can't you even let him go?"
"I don't have feelinga for him anymore!"
"then what!? Because I have tried to be here for you during the time I have been here but your family misses you! Don't you care about them?!"
"you don't know what you are talking about!" this was getting out of hand. I had to get out of here. I turned around and started walking away.
"go ahead! Run like a coward!" that stopped me but I didn't turn around. "running away is not always the answer! I can only support you for so long! All you want to think about is yourself! Coward!"
I turned around angry that he thinks he has a right to judge me! I walked to him so mad. What gives him the right to judge. He's just like him! I'm such a fool!
The moment I reached him.
Slap!!
I slapped him and didn't wait for him to say a word. I turned around and started walking away. His such an a$$!what was I thinking even starting to trust him!
I felt a hand grab my arm and turn me around, before I felt lips smash to mine!

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Hey readers,
Ta-da! Hope you liked the chapter. What are we thinking? Will she run away again?
Also wanted to address the part I talked about abuse. I'm sure most of us know this doesn't only apply to physical. It can be financial abuse, mental abuse, or manipulation of different kinds. If you feel you are going through this, please talk about it with someone you trust or a professional. It can cause so much negativity that may lead to harm. Please, get help and let's make it normal to talk about this.
Don't forget to vote, comment, share,  and follow.
Love Jean 💕